2011.

I saw someone's comment on FB, that new year makes one emo.

can't help but agree. this countdown, i stayed home instead of going out to the fireworks. cos i don't want to be that poor soul anymore that catches fireworks on my own.

for the first time i watched the taiwan countdown show on tvbs LIVE instead of the repeat telecast, which i don't usually watch to the end. mayday and amei are the 壓軸s this year.

when mayday sang 突然好想你，i nearly teared. nothing much in particular, but just a sudden surge of emotions.

hmmm...



我已經不再敢做夢。這是不是老了的跡象？

hereby wishing everyone, a happy and healthy 2011.


here's my new year resolution:

只要 · 一个人就好

為什麼 越相信誰能依靠
越換來 又一次靈魂寂寥
有沒有永遠 再不會讓心絕望的解藥

High maintenance.

and so i realised, that sometimes 一面的一厢情愿 will usually land you in very sad situations.

like not getting the things/responses that you want.

and worse, you might even end up with people irritating/annoyed of you. and cos of what? not that you are not putting any effort into maintaining the relationship, but its when what you're giving is too much for them to handle, and they will easily brush you off as 'asking for too much'.

am i really so high maintenance? maybe different people would have different answer..



sometimes i am so sick of how things is going, that i got no one to share how i am feeling with.

等等等等.

我.. 是什么？

只是你填充空闲时间的一个人吗？



无止境的等让我觉得好累.. 或许是我想太多了吧？

just another day.

right things that happens at the wrong time simply means its not going to be a joyous affair after all.


i got the big envelop from SIM.
i'm accepted, but its totally no cause for any happiness and excitement.
who'll understand the plight i am in? who even bothers!

i am so sick and tired of the low vibes. all the shit i am in.

am i sick?

fridae.

what a sucky fridae night.


and that all i can rely on is a piece of ginseng face mask. to make myself happier, make me feel that i at least existed.








how pathetic.

沉沦.

i feel like i am in a boat..
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.




a sinking boat.

feeling emotional.

是否長久以來太過壓抑的不滿、不快、不安，釀成今日的叛逆，繼而演變成變相的報復？





突然覺得自己好可怕。。

等得到下一个天亮吗？

somebody.

who'd realise, that i am actually not ok?

-_-

i'm not taking things well. sometimes i just feel like giving everything up. but i know i can't.

who cared? but they do.

ANGELINE said (1:10 AM):
u got enough ma kel?

what more can i ask for?





thank you for being there angie.
thank you for being there jingyao.

还怀念什么？

was flipping channels, when i stopped at mtv. 孙燕姿 is singing 我怀念的。

心里突然一阵揪着痛。

原来。

你也是和他们一样，不是一个能无条件分享我的快乐、我的感受的朋友。

旋转木马终于有了快乐的结局.

was watching 康熙来了 last night and they were interviewing celebrity couples. theres this couple, the guy is one of them from BAD and the girl i suppose is a model, quite pretty.

they were discussing about their wedding and there is this touching part where this guy sang this song to the girl, which is actually written by the ex-boyfriend who passed away due to illness.

after knowing the story behind the song, i feel damn sad.

but some say, 旋转木马终于有了快乐的结局. 或许这首歌是他对她的祝福.

btw, the girl and the ex-boyfriend is featured in the mv.



拥有华丽的外表和绚烂的灯光
我是匹旋转木马身在这天堂
只为了满足孩子的梦想
爬到我背上就带你去翱翔
我忘了只能原地奔跑的那忧伤
我也忘了自己是永远被锁上
不管我能够陪你有多长
至少能让你幻想与我飞翔

奔驰的木马 让你忘了伤
在这一个供应欢笑的天堂
看着他们的 羡慕眼光
不需放我在心上

旋转的木马 没有翅膀
但却能够带着你到处飞翔
音乐停下来你将离场
我也只能这样

(PS. this guy is also the writer of one of my favourite song, 孙燕姿的- 我不难过.)

end of misery?

i hope so.. after hanging there for so long, i snapped. i thought i could have just hanged there all the time.. but some things, some words he said, just triggered me and everything was let go..

will things turn for a better? or for the worse?

let time decide.

You, you and you.

我不需要，也不惜罕。

boo.

how long can someone live with that increasing amount of disappointment before they finally snap?

i don't know, don't ask me.








i am really so sick of communicating.
so sick of putting up a fake front.

I'm only human.

and she forgets- I aren't saint.

in the dumps.

一直在想啊，一个人到底要多长时间才能走出低潮期呢？

为什么我花了那么长的时间却还是困在其中？
不解。