Dear Blog.

and i realised that i had not been here ranting about my boring life for more than four months.

my life, has been taken over by work, school, and mere trying to survive.

just this month, life has been much of a roller coaster. the ex-boss, milton, passed away due to leukemia. to think that we were still celebrating his 100th day recovery some where in june/july. what is life, sometimes we might question. but well, i've also realised that the usual 'chao kuan' human nature that everyone possesses, will make us think of what we have, be thankful, and cherish everything. BUT, just for a while. before you know it people will start all over again to take things for granted and the cycle continues, until (sadly) another star has fallen from the sky.

***

and while i was away for study leave, undesirable stuff happened at work. im not saying that i am totally indispensible, and that everything has to go through me. but well, doesnt it makes sense that if its stuff concerning me and that they are stuff that i had been doing, wouldnt it make more sense if my inputs were seeked? i think some times, my (limited) experience might be useful yea?

also, i don't think i should be carrying your loads simply cos you 'are overwhelmed'. i mean, comm'on who isn't? you think you're paid to just enjoy life? think about it. who else isn't as busy? and what about those unemployed who needed a job so badly?

but that aside, who would have cared? we're just some lowly support staff. everyone was kao pehing on how tired/tied down they are, but had anyone thought of those that were behind supporting them? the reason why the support staff are losing the motivation to work harder is simply cos, we are treated like shit. period.

thanks for listening to my wordy vomit. haven't been typing such long text since twitter has taken over a larger part of my life (with the arrival of a smartphone and dataplan).

OH, i forgot about the amount of stuff i wrote while working. BLEAHZ~!

Unexpected.

the word to describe today.


j and w did not turn up for lecture, and i was all alone.

dil called and we met during break.

angie wanted to crash my lect, but didnt come in the end.

my spoilt earphones worked and i am able to listen to radio, caught the programme of this dj whom i have never heard of before, but somehow i like his style. the very 'warm' kind of voice.

he talked about taking a break, about work life balance, and feeling 'un-inspired'.



i can totally relate to him.

ring ring.

ahhhh!! calculated wrongly and now i can't buy the new hp that i am aiming for!! need to wait till 20 aug! aarrgh.

thats one more month, and i had already sold the old phone. bleahx..

nobody wants to bare the responsibility.

for the things that i had stopped believing in,

why is the blame always on me when such things happen?

730 Days.

time flies, so fast, without us realising it.

its been two years- 你好吗？





i may not know you well, but hope that you'll be in peace, and keep blessing the ones who loved you so dearly.

and i don't wanna say it.

while people are praying for another vacation, for another school holiday to arrive, here all i am hoping for is i can get the darned school fees so that i can start classes.

damn! don't wanna take this shit no more. fecking sick of it.

$_$

money oh money, why don't you just grow on the trees?


its fucking depressing to not even have enough money to pay for that freaking school fees. i wish i was born in sweden or finland where education is free!!!

and I am still on my own.

今天偶然经过那坚寿司店,

让我想起了当天我们一起吃着那盒过了九点就半价的寿司.




人, 真的是好变化无常哦. 霎时间就会变成陌生人.

One more second.

习惯就好 习惯就好
我承认我的伪装是真的不够好
请给我 多一秒。

Obligated.

yes/no/i consider.

theres only three options and "being obligated" is not one of them. why are you making decisions based on feeling the obligation, when there isn't even any?



why commit and say yes, when you're not even certain you will be doing it? why say you are scared to promise? a promise should be made only if its on something that you are going to embark on. if not, its not considered a promise.

disappointment is not even a word strong enough to describe what i am feeling.

void.

i'm feeling jaded.. empty, alone.

don't want to be this disorientated. needa escape.



anyone out there care to join me?

25 minutes.

thats how long i leave my mask on my face.
thats when i feel that nothing elses matters,
thats when i feel that i am actually not alone.

一场欢喜一场空

讨厌那种满心期待后的失望。

when will my holiday ever come!!! :(

to my aunt who don't read my blog.

i flared today. i screamed at aunt.

i am quite guilty cos after all she is elder and its not very nice. but sometimes the things she do is really quite too much and this time round concerning my sister i have to talk it out to her. maybe, my approach is wrong.

i will use a better approach next time, my apologies...

solved.

sometimes i think that i need to just move to another place where no one knows me and start all over again.




maybe that will just solve all the problems.

Said.

你可知道，说出去的话就有如覆水难收。

you can delete the things you've said, but you can't change the fact that you have said those words, nor can you reverse the damage caused.

Masquerade.

i've recently seen quite a few jokers being

very good 'actors' and 'actresses',

saying one thing and doing another.

Roooaaarrr...

in ten days its cny.

the traditions are really wearing out. i think the society have reached a point where they no longer care about festivals like these. i remembered, when i was much younger, the atmosphere would already be real good if its ten days before cny.

but right now all i see is sparingly deco-ed places. but at least i still hear alot of cny songs la.. hehe.. i like those old old, 'off beat' 80s kind.. need to be that kind that will have the gong xi fa cai feel! i'll be blasting them on chu 1!

any, its going to be my year this year. will it be a good year?

you have 1 new message.

but i want my tau huay lei... ;(

help!

did anyone even realised i was in need of help?

or is it that i just seemed too nonchalant? i am just too afraid to look like i am trying too hard, like an attention sucker..