Dear Blog.

and i realised that i had not been here ranting about my boring life for more than four months.

my life, has been taken over by work, school, and mere trying to survive.

just this month, life has been much of a roller coaster. the ex-boss, milton, passed away due to leukemia. to think that we were still celebrating his 100th day recovery some where in june/july. what is life, sometimes we might question. but well, i've also realised that the usual 'chao kuan' human nature that everyone possesses, will make us think of what we have, be thankful, and cherish everything. BUT, just for a while. before you know it people will start all over again to take things for granted and the cycle continues, until (sadly) another star has fallen from the sky.

***

and while i was away for study leave, undesirable stuff happened at work. im not saying that i am totally indispensible, and that everything has to go through me. but well, doesnt it makes sense that if its stuff concerning me and that they are stuff that i had been doing, wouldnt it make more sense if my inputs were seeked? i think some times, my (limited) experience might be useful yea?

also, i don't think i should be carrying your loads simply cos you 'are overwhelmed'. i mean, comm'on who isn't? you think you're paid to just enjoy life? think about it. who else isn't as busy? and what about those unemployed who needed a job so badly?

but that aside, who would have cared? we're just some lowly support staff. everyone was kao pehing on how tired/tied down they are, but had anyone thought of those that were behind supporting them? the reason why the support staff are losing the motivation to work harder is simply cos, we are treated like shit. period.

thanks for listening to my wordy vomit. haven't been typing such long text since twitter has taken over a larger part of my life (with the arrival of a smartphone and dataplan).

OH, i forgot about the amount of stuff i wrote while working. BLEAHZ~!

Unexpected.

the word to describe today.


j and w did not turn up for lecture, and i was all alone.

dil called and we met during break.

angie wanted to crash my lect, but didnt come in the end.

my spoilt earphones worked and i am able to listen to radio, caught the programme of this dj whom i have never heard of before, but somehow i like his style. the very 'warm' kind of voice.

he talked about taking a break, about work life balance, and feeling 'un-inspired'.



i can totally relate to him.

ring ring.

ahhhh!! calculated wrongly and now i can't buy the new hp that i am aiming for!! need to wait till 20 aug! aarrgh.

thats one more month, and i had already sold the old phone. bleahx..

有过那一次幸福的机会吗？

awfully good performance by stanley. really like the emotions he put into this song.

nobody wants to bare the responsibility.

for the things that i had stopped believing in,

why is the blame always on me when such things happen?

730 Days.

time flies, so fast, without us realising it.

its been two years- 你好吗？





i may not know you well, but hope that you'll be in peace, and keep blessing the ones who loved you so dearly.

the late at night song.

and i don't wanna say it.

while people are praying for another vacation, for another school holiday to arrive, here all i am hoping for is i can get the darned school fees so that i can start classes.

damn! don't wanna take this shit no more. fecking sick of it.

$_$

money oh money, why don't you just grow on the trees?


its fucking depressing to not even have enough money to pay for that freaking school fees. i wish i was born in sweden or finland where education is free!!!

and I am still on my own.

今天偶然经过那坚寿司店,

让我想起了当天我们一起吃着那盒过了九点就半价的寿司.




人, 真的是好变化无常哦. 霎时间就会变成陌生人.

One more second.

习惯就好 习惯就好
我承认我的伪装是真的不够好
请给我 多一秒。

Quarter of a Pound.

facebook just reminded me that i have not tried the quarter pounder at macs. its so tempting, i think i will try it for lunch one day this week!

of 黑道，友情 and 义气.

风往哪个方向吹，草就往哪个方向倒，年轻的时侯，我也已为自己是风，可到最后遍体鳞伤，我才知道我们都只是草.

Obligated.

yes/no/i consider.

theres only three options and "being obligated" is not one of them. why are you making decisions based on feeling the obligation, when there isn't even any?



why commit and say yes, when you're not even certain you will be doing it? why say you are scared to promise? a promise should be made only if its on something that you are going to embark on. if not, its not considered a promise.

disappointment is not even a word strong enough to describe what i am feeling.

void.

i'm feeling jaded.. empty, alone.

don't want to be this disorientated. needa escape.



anyone out there care to join me?

25 minutes.

thats how long i leave my mask on my face.
thats when i feel that nothing elses matters,
thats when i feel that i am actually not alone.

5-month-day

i went for the 五月天 concert!!

its very very good. the rain did not dampen the mood, and i enjoyed myself totally, singing to all their songs.

its only today that i realised, that many of mayday's songs actually accompanied me through my growing up year - the secondary school and poly growing up years when we know whats happening ard us. all the happiness and sadness...

一场欢喜一场空

讨厌那种满心期待后的失望。

when will my holiday ever come!!! :(

to my aunt who don't read my blog.

i flared today. i screamed at aunt.

i am quite guilty cos after all she is elder and its not very nice. but sometimes the things she do is really quite too much and this time round concerning my sister i have to talk it out to her. maybe, my approach is wrong.

i will use a better approach next time, my apologies...

solved.

sometimes i think that i need to just move to another place where no one knows me and start all over again.




maybe that will just solve all the problems.

小年夜。

今天是小年夜，再过没多久就是除夕了。


而我却到了现在都还在大扫除，真是临时抱佛脚啊！





其实过年是不错的。因为需要大扫除的时候，可以借机把一些平时丢不掉、割舍不了的东西，统统倒进垃圾桶里！:)

倒是老妈就别再唠叨啦！拜托拜托！现在不就打扫干净了嘛。。


在此先恭祝各位：

财源广进、身体健康、心想事成！

Said.

你可知道，说出去的话就有如覆水难收。

you can delete the things you've said, but you can't change the fact that you have said those words, nor can you reverse the damage caused.

Masquerade.

i've recently seen quite a few jokers being

very good 'actors' and 'actresses',

saying one thing and doing another.

只要 · 一个人就好

為什麼 越相信誰能依靠
越換來 又一次靈魂寂寥
有沒有永遠 再不會讓心絕望的解藥

High maintenance.

and so i realised, that sometimes 一面的一厢情愿 will usually land you in very sad situations.

like not getting the things/responses that you want.

and worse, you might even end up with people irritating/annoyed of you. and cos of what? not that you are not putting any effort into maintaining the relationship, but its when what you're giving is too much for them to handle, and they will easily brush you off as 'asking for too much'.

am i really so high maintenance? maybe different people would have different answer..



sometimes i am so sick of how things is going, that i got no one to share how i am feeling with.

等等等等.

我.. 是什么？

只是你填充空闲时间的一个人吗？



无止境的等让我觉得好累.. 或许是我想太多了吧？

改变所有的错。

今天就是将来的以前, 与其总想着从头再来, 不如从现在开始好好地过, 不要让将来的自己后悔。

Roooaaarrr...

in ten days its cny.

the traditions are really wearing out. i think the society have reached a point where they no longer care about festivals like these. i remembered, when i was much younger, the atmosphere would already be real good if its ten days before cny.

but right now all i see is sparingly deco-ed places. but at least i still hear alot of cny songs la.. hehe.. i like those old old, 'off beat' 80s kind.. need to be that kind that will have the gong xi fa cai feel! i'll be blasting them on chu 1!

any, its going to be my year this year. will it be a good year?

you have 1 new message.

but i want my tau huay lei... ;(

你还记得吗？

ai. 爱.

叫我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能够怎么说 怎么说都是错

你对我说 离开就会解脱
试著自已去生活
试著找寻自我 别再为爱蹉跎

只是 爱要怎么说出口 我的心里好难受
如果能将你拥有 我会忍住不让眼泪流
第一次握你的手 指尖传来你的温柔
每一次深情眼光的背后
谁知道会有多少愁 多少愁

叫我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能怎么做 怎么做都是错

如果要我 把心对你解剖
只要改变这结果
我会说我愿意做 我受够了寂寞

只是 爱要怎么说出口
我的心里好难受
如果能将你拥有 我会忍住不让眼泪流
第一次握你的手 指尖传来你的温柔
每一次深情眼光的背后
谁知道会有多少愁 多少愁

爱要怎么说出口 我的心里好难受
如果能将你拥有 我会忍住不让眼泪流
第一次握你的手 指尖传来你的温柔
每一次深情眼光的背后
谁知道会有多少愁 多少愁

叫我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能怎么说 怎么说都是错
你对我说 离开就会解脱
试著自已去生活
试著找寻自我 何必为爱蹉跎

help!

did anyone even realised i was in need of help?

or is it that i just seemed too nonchalant? i am just too afraid to look like i am trying too hard, like an attention sucker..

一月五日，晴。

下雨也好 迷路也好
空气里有种相依为命的味道
爱你很好 连风都知道
第一次心甘情愿不想逃

当爱 相随
能完美一切不完美
当你 皱眉
我陪你留在天黑的世界

我们是座城堡
爱情放在里面很好
就算没有人看好
幸福是因为互相依靠
爱情这座城堡
牵著手才能找到
当我们彼此微笑 请不要打扰

into 2010.

and i realise, i have been much neglecting my blog. its too much of a convenience to just upload how i feel as and when i can on the profile status, that i had became so lazy to even pen out my thoughts properly! its starting to show its damage at work recently and i think its high time that i go back to blogging to at least have a practice of writing a longer passage that makes sense.

so, its the first day of the new decade! happy new year my readers! (if theres still any.)

the past year had been one of many changes.. i'm done with NS, got a job and started working back at Dsg. like what Ah Jie says- 2009 has been a yr of changes, challenges and lots of cheeriness, including knowing colleagues who became lunch khakis and much more! for my team managers who have been tolerating and teaching, thanks! and also siang, ah jie and jacq who has added so much colors to my life. siang and ah jie, i will constantly remind myself not to say that i have no friends!

dad is also back home.. though i think we are all still getting used to having each other around, haha! things will be better. ;)

i hope, that this 2010 will be a better one, with all the issues we have at home can be settled in the real near future. also hope that i can get back to school soon, and save up more money to travel around this wonderful world!