masquerade.

i just found out.

looking back at the past and seeing the current situation things are at, i think i am pretty much a failure.

i don't wanna lose some people, but i've lost them. and it seem pretty permanent. things arent getting better and even i myself is escaping.

i jus dun wanna admit that i have lost.. thats y i have not broken down yet.. but the biggest prob is i dont know when i will.

sometimes i do wonder:-

why he cant find anything to talk to me anymore? we're supp to be good friends.. but now we are no better than strangers. have i not tried hard enough?

and many other cases. i know my friend has been sandwiched but that is not what i want either. the situation is making me wonder whether i has been sucha rotten person. that no one can have a way to communicate to me. that people are believing what they heard of my instead of the 'me' tat they know, that.. i am pretty shunned by the rest..

am i really that bad, friends? do you still treat me as, friends?

i reckon, its more or less my fault. maybe i try too hard. maybe our paths are just meant to intertwined at only a certain part.. and that part has ended already..




lost were the days, gone were the days. no matter how much and hard i try, things just arent getting better. i used to be v outspoken and speak my mind when i feel i dun like it. at that time, people say i was too direct. and that i put out all emotions on my face. now, people are saying i am too quiet and not really willing to communicate.. which is the kind of face that people want to see me put?

now playing: 蘇打綠 - 小情歌

what was in my mind then?

i think i was abit scared. to fact the reality i think.

scared that i will be in the same situation again. a situation where my existance is forgotten and everyone just go on and on yaking about that event - yes the one that i arent involve yea.. and i will like be in that awkward situation again which i do not know how i should react.

Pain.

it always sets me to think:-

how much pain does it take for one to suffer before he/she becomes numb and dun feel it anymore?

how much pain is "alot"?

all but just emotions felt.

*****

days passed fast with work, thou the endless spreadsheets and payment checklists are driving me absolutely crazy. running here and there does not make me look busy and hardworking, but only a crazy mad dog pacing ard.

=(
lunch today is like delayed till one cos of the meeting with promo peoples for the budgeting issues.. and after that is lunch. cant help but kinda feel left out, or issit that i had unknowingly isolated my self?

since when has that wall been built!

quotes: from Nat #3

One of the hardest lessons in life is to learn how to love without having
to say it; And to learn when someone is loving you even when it isn’t
spoken.

now playing: 王菲 - 红豆

还没好好地感受雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵著手走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜天长和地久

有时候有时候我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆熬成缠绵的伤口
然后一起分享会更明白相思的哀愁
还没好好的感受醒著亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右你才追求孤独的自由

有时候有时候我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透也许你会陪我看细水长流

Herry, Angie, Adi, Kel.

it has been long since we all had a "good serious" gathering.. angiee had been at africa with her parents for the past 6 months.. and herry was.. more engaged with army and some other things. lol. it seems like it had been one hundred years since we were last this close. THANK GOD WE STILL ARE THIS CLOSE. everyone seem to be busy with their own life at one moment.. but i cant afford to lose them. lol. we must meet more!!!

was at PS and VIVO, also went to the spain2dream private sale, which we bought nothing but choclates. lol. snacked Carls Jr at the open plaze *is that what u call the open air level that is highest at vivo??*.

good talk with herry. i am happy. life shd be happy. and i am happy that i have a fren like him to care about me. what more can i ask? =) dunch worry bro i will be fine and will be the good old kk u loved!!! hohoho.

Let the pics tell the happiness:-

at subway..

in the MRT to vivo..

shopping.eating.chatting.chilling.

pics: Tank Concert @ RP

quotes: from Mars vs Venus

you can fix a broken phone, but can you fix a broken friendship?

坏了的手機能修，
有裂痕的友誼，能嗎？

brooding.

havent had a proper post for quite a few days. blogger has been down down into the drain and its irritating the hell outta me.

lunch today is at miss clarity, at bugis there right next to KA's new work place! hoho but he is not there so didnt manage to ka jiao him when i went.. as you know, office people are mostly "less sporting" to go somewhere further for lunch.. and so it is a feat for us to travel there by bus for lunch!! haha.. like what shrl say, "its good that we colleagues share some memories outside of central kopitiam". haha! foor there is not bad and affordable. $8.80 for set lunch with drinks, soup and dessert. ok rite! i ordered chrispy chicken baked rice and it is good.. nex time i will try the other dishes that the rest tried..

anw, ITS FRIDAY-!!! i do think that friday is a day which working people looks forward to.. for the good rest and the time to do things that they want. hit town after work to get some destress from walking ard.. called jas and she happens to be ard so we met up and chat/dinner! its been long.. also went to look up dan. that ah fat! haha..

shopping ard orchard!

sometimes, hearing what's happening at your ex-workplace do makes you feel fortunate that you are no longer there - that that place is already an 'ex'. heard from jas what has been happening, arent surprised but didnt tot that things have already gone this bad. well, current work is still not so bad after all! =)

like what ting says, wang shi zhi neng hui wei. those nice old good times only lives in memory..

*****

carina has left! hais one less "partner" at work liao.. soon after shrl is going too.. and then ys and ly is going too.. like all the original people in dsg almost gone le.. the interns are leaving nex week too.. sianz.. i hope i will not be dragged my the snr mgt to have lunch tgt!! omg.. cant stand having to discuss work over lunch.. -_-

lunch is over at this super ex place at robertson quay. famous for their mussels. i love mussels but i didn't give it a try. remember i said it was expensive.. -_-

they've got nice decos on the walls.. one of the wall is made into the silhouette of TIN TIN characters. my fav comic! think i finish the whole series le.. last time, at old bedok library, there is a special shelf all TIN TIN comics!!

bye bye carina!

and i had the steak set lunch *cheapest on menu* which already cost near to 30. omg its jus a lunch for a part timer i would say it is VERY EX. as so agreed by the interns too. haha.

and so. that means i have to save save save for the coming weeks!

run.

suddenly, i feel like i am in the middle of no where. and that i dont belong to anywhere.


i wanna runn awayy...

quotes: from NAT #2

Disappearance

Sometimes we wonder: If I disappeared (or died), would people come looking for me? Methinks that's the reason why a lot of people go into hiding. They want to know if they did make a difference. Whether their existence mattered.

At most, one or two people might come by, searching for you out of genuine concern. You retreat further. It breaks their heart but in the end, they give up. Maybe one of them might come by now and then to just drop in on you.

Then you move house without telling anyone. At the same time, you wonder where everybody has gone.

And you realise that when you wake from your hibernation, everyone else has moved on with their own life and have their own families and children and grandchildren. You remain trapped in the past. But you can't blame anyone because it was you who went into hibernation.

Everyone else thinks you died. They missed you for a little while, and then they moved on and resumed Life - as all living creatures are wont to do.

It was a sad day to learn the even sadder truth.

Like a modern day Rip van Winkle, the only company you have now is your own shadow and your very long beard.

dA: Sky

check out this new series that i have put up onto my dA. hope that i can me motivated enough to make it a ongoing project thou.. =)

blogthing #1

quotes: from Nat

If people think you are bad, anything you do will always be perceived as
bad.

*****

7. Love is: something that you can't impose on someone. You can only give it and hope that it's reciprocated. Love is also something that we must learn to receive, no matter how unworthy we think we are.

*****

forgotten #2.

It's true. Do one wrong and all the goodness that's ever been done will be erased.

People are indeed forgetful.

-_-

after being very late for work yesterday, i forced myself to get up real early today. and to make my self awake, i decided to jog for 1/2 hour before i go to work. shun bian training for NS!!!

but what happen this morning? managed to wake up at about 650.. buts its pouring like no one's business out side the window.. -_-"

sipeh sian!! told sandy when i reach office, and she say it means i am meant to go in to NS to suffer thats y now wake early le also cant jog. double -_-"

aarrhhgg!! tmr morn i will wake again to jog de!!!

forgotten.

sometimes, knowing more of the truth might only make ourselves feel worse off.. people say: curiosity kills the cat. the truth hurts. very.

日就見人心，時間久了就能看到真相，夢想就會破碎。

why? #4

当他们不断地用“忙”来搪塞你想要聚会的要约，那意味着什么？

Hate This Feeling.

i hate this kinda ambiguous feeling that i am having right now. like i am dying to find out what some people feel but to no avail. and i keep feeling like they have doubt of me/ my character/ hate me/ despise me.

haish..

when will the days like those we have in the past come back??

Spidey III

caught the show with the WSGang. qq,herry,jx,ka,ter,jess,cd. not bad a show i would say. after that is dinner at kfc and then slacking at SMa till 11 when everyone head home for guess3 - selina and hebe.

只是放手未必就好過.

其實，有多少人能真正了解，什麽是貌合神離？什麽是話不投機半句多？

並不是想說又是他們的不對，只是，那件事發生以後，什麽都變了吧。

回不到從前了。。是這樣嗎？

聼著他們說著我不不會被邀請的聚會，確實是有點尷尬。因爲不知道要怎樣面對，縱使我早已知道了這件事。

真的會像T所說的，事情縂有一天會好轉，時間能使一切變得正常嗎？希望如此。

只是放手未必就好過.

quotes: from Mary

怎样忘记他

失恋后，我们总爱问：

“我怎样可以忘记他？我很想忘记他，但我就是没法忘记他。”

如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。

为什么要那么痛苦地去忘记一个人？时间自然会让你忘记他。

现在，我请你干万别想着一头粉红色的大笨象。

请问，你想到的是什么？

你立刻就想到一头粉红色的大笨象了。



你愈努力想去忘记，你愈是无法忘记。

仍然爱着他，忘不了他，是理所当然的事，不必觉得惭愧。

有些人明明忘不了，却自欺欺人说：

“我已经忘了他。”

然而，只要别人一提起他，她就无法控制自己。

有一天，你会忘记他的。

真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。

有一天，你从浴室洗了一个澡出来，扭开唱机听听自己喜欢的音乐，你忽尔想起，

你曾经爱过一个人，啊，原来你爱过这个人，那仿佛是很遥远的事，你已经一点感觉也

没有了。这就是忘记。

有一天，别人提起某某，你才猛然想起，你曾经爱过这个人，现在已经不记得了。

这就是忘记。






如果时间不可以令你忘记那些不该记住的人，我们失去的岁月又有什么意义？

over the weekend.

remember the fire drill here at mica last yr? during the last week of my internship? its suppose to not happen so often. like once or twice a year only. and guess wat? i actually met one again. -_- last thurs!!!

as usual our dept is like one of the latest la. cant imagine what if a fire really break out. haha!

sentosa! still as good but not the same paradise anymore.

went over to sentosa on sun cos its mum's bdae.. and dad suggest going there cos its like long since we last went (10 yrs) and also to see the new musical fountain. there so much changes over there!!! but anws, i am quite disappointed la.. cos theres no longer the tranquility that i used to be able to find there.. so many places down there that i used to go are gone liao.. even the ferry terminal! i think hor its like quite a icon of sentosa leh.. hm hmm.. maybe they're right.. we need these changes for a better future.. lets hope the better future will really come!

song of the sea! great!

dropped by at the new musical fountain too! now its called the songs of the sea. with abit of simple story line and a few people acting, combined with fire and pyrotechnics. actually i do find that its quite worth the 6 bucks. not too bad. and also met YJ there! know he's working at sentosa but didnt really expect to see him there.. lol.. going there makes me so tempted to work there!!! i think if i really work there.. my mood will become v good lor haha. pictures up later. too lazy to upload. lol.

my autographed 延長比賽 album!

and for today!!! i took half day leave hehe. went to meet sis peisin and jieying for TANK'S CONCERT!!! woohoo-! walaos its like totally so good lor. i heart him. his songs are great. one minor disappointment is that he did not sing 我們小時候。otherwise it would have been total perfect. also bought his album there since i have wanted to long ago, its cheaper there at 16, and i get to get it autographed! y not right??

eh.. the concert this time round is by 1003 de but i keep thinking and thot that it is 933.. till i see lingzhi i shocked.. cos i forgot she "jump" to 1003 liao.. still miss her way of hosting but she makes better chemistry with cruz back at the 933 days la..

view from MRT on my way to amk..

after the concert, i see jieying home while peisin rush of to the next filming at mediacorp.. while i went to meet GC. haish.. miss her alot.. its been quite some time since we last met up and i really felt like i miss her alot on sat.. so i asked her if she wanna meet today.. was shopping ard amk hub and talking before her mum came and join us for dinner.. everything was great la.. the chat, the food, the company.




if only we were really together...

quotes: from [。小鳥與樹是甜蜜的。]

放棄不是逃避

放棄不是個錯誤

放棄不完全就叫半途而廢

放棄不一定比持續來的好過

狠下決心放棄一個人一件事其實是很難的

往往都是不得已才會有放棄的念頭

這是要經過漫長的考慮

想很多想很遠想很久才做得出的選擇

當人們選擇放棄

往後卻總是會想起當初如果沒放棄會如何

一直思考這無解的問題更是種折磨

now playing: 丁当 - 明白

盛夏光年 电影主题曲
词曲:五月天阿信



你说你感觉不对
心情很坏
我无法控制
泪水流下来

莫名的难过是情绪作祟
没有谁错谁对需要安慰
不能离开

我只是要你明白
明白我对你的爱
除了你我的爱无可取代
没有人让我如此的依赖
ho……

因为你我的爱
永远存在

爲何? #2

好朋友是不是阿
好啊 那我告訴你啊
我從來就沒有自願要儅你的朋友
小時候 是老師規定我要去儅你的朋友
我根本就不想做你的朋友

明明就已經不是這樣.. 爲什麽還要說這種話傷害對方?

爲何?

愛一個人不應該是這樣的..
爲何要這麽自甘墮落?

盛夏光年

quotes: from YJ

i see the nature of human,
i see through it
and realised all that touches the surface is nothing but a façade.

now playing: 吳青峰 - 小情歌

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着
你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡
最后谁也都苍老

*****

its may day!! for the labourers.. and i do "farm" so that means i can celebrate it too! woohoo-! the best way to celebration is to have uninterupted sleep till 11... and i am now so happy! no sleep = unhappy. haha!

mediacorp suck. cos there is no shows to watch on every channel on a PH. i hope their business fold soon!!! but i think thats difficult... cos there is only one station.. bo pian all have to watch their programmes.. even when it suck.. -_-

had mac for brunch.. and fish burger lost the good old flavors of the past.. now its small and no longer nice... =( shall head to grandma's place later soon!

*****

a new series i shot for my dA, i got this idea of reflection cos of the recent series of things that happens between me and my fren, and that i wanna have a better picture of how people see me as. cos i wanna know.. if things really happened becos of me..