masquerade.

i just found out.

looking back at the past and seeing the current situation things are at, i think i am pretty much a failure.

i don't wanna lose some people, but i've lost them. and it seem pretty permanent. things arent getting better and even i myself is escaping.

i jus dun wanna admit that i have lost.. thats y i have not broken down yet.. but the biggest prob is i dont know when i will.

sometimes i do wonder:-

why he cant find anything to talk to me anymore? we're supp to be good friends.. but now we are no better than strangers. have i not tried hard enough?

and many other cases. i know my friend has been sandwiched but that is not what i want either. the situation is making me wonder whether i has been sucha rotten person. that no one can have a way to communicate to me. that people are believing what they heard of my instead of the 'me' tat they know, that.. i am pretty shunned by the rest..

am i really that bad, friends? do you still treat me as, friends?

i reckon, its more or less my fault. maybe i try too hard. maybe our paths are just meant to intertwined at only a certain part.. and that part has ended already..




lost were the days, gone were the days. no matter how much and hard i try, things just arent getting better. i used to be v outspoken and speak my mind when i feel i dun like it. at that time, people say i was too direct. and that i put out all emotions on my face. now, people are saying i am too quiet and not really willing to communicate.. which is the kind of face that people want to see me put?