the full stop came.

all the ceremonies ended today.

the wake, the funeral, the cremation, the ash collecting.

there is really little i can do for my uncle, my cousins and the rest of the family other than helping out here and there and be there for them.

stayed overnight on the last night, to keep zhen zhao company throughout the night so that he wouldnt feel so lonely, and grandma and uncle can have catch some sleep. somehow i felt close to my uncle and cousin again. the talkings, the chats.

sometime ago i still see cousin quite often as uncle would send him to school before we go to camp. but the converstation (if hello can also be counted as conversation) is short as i think we arent "warmed up" yet. but i am really glad that i am here with them.

the night reminded me of the times where mum is helping to take care of zhen zhao and yan xiang when we were still living at the old home, and uncle and aunt would come over with treats like cookies and goodies while picking them home.

i know how zhen zhao is feeling. no, not totally, but i do. it hurts, when he was saying to me that he feels time pass super fast that partiular night. i know i shd say something to him but other than being there with him, i dunno what to say. i am one that is not good with words.

i thought i was holding myself quite well, not letting emotions taking over me thruout the 4 days. but at the last day, before the cortege leaves, the musicians are here and when they started playing the songs, i crumbled. i cant take it. the final moment. its coming to the end, that kind of songs they played..

i have never seen my mum cried so badly before.
i have never seen my grand parents like that before.
i have never seen my uncle like that before.
i have never seen everyone like that before..

i think aunt is happy.. so many of the relatives came to send her off.. and she is not no longer in pain. and i hope that uncle and cousin will live strongly from now on.