you're selfish. you're damn selfish. i will hate you forever in this aspect.

who are you to say i am the selfish one when you are actually the one?

To eugene.

i dunno.. was wondering what will happen if gene did not prompt me on msn yesterday to talk to me.. i had been looking at hp but dunno who i can call to just talk to.. to rant out the things in me..

thanks to him alot.. really bro..

on the non stop disputes.

in hokkien we call it 相欠债。

你不知道。

倘若说放一次手 就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

quoted: 折翼天使

有些东西失去了就失去了，找不回来了，就算找回来了也没啥意义。

Deja Vu.

Grandaunt passed away this morning.

It came as quite a shock for all of us.. Gu Gu and cousin just went to visit her at the home last sunday and said that she look quite good. Had put on some weight too.

Haven't seen her for a few years. She has dementia so she can't recognize us too. The last time we went to her house before she was at the home, she wouldn't let anyone into her room.

2008 is not a good year, i think. aunt's cancer had a relapse and things are not doing good for her. I hope she recovers soon.

I ain't.

no, i'm not running away from probs when they arises. i am not a weakling that only knows how to run away. i am not childish.

i am just letting of some steam on this holy ground.

i just need an outlet. and since no one is listening, this is the best place. =)

its not that home is not the warmest place anymore, i would just say- 家家有本难念的经。

I'm only human.

and she forgets- I aren't saint.

Plunging to the lowest point.

i am feeling damn fucked. i am being flared at for no reason, things that aren't even my fault.

is being 21 too old to run away from home? if its not, I'm going to do it right now.

MC day 18.

i pre-ordered jay's new album yesterday! woohoo-! nearly missed it. luckily jielun reminded me. anw, he's on att c too. eye infection. and also chunlin, who will be on att c till the 12th. oh no!!! everyone get well soon ook!!!

the rp peeps came over last night. havent seen them for like so long.. so its nice to see them again. ha! thanks guys! no pics. i dunno y. maybe we are too used to having no image capturing devices. lol..

MC day 17.

if you can't do what you expects me to do, then don't fucking want me to do it. you're pissing me off very much.

MC day 15.

staying home for so long kind of made me lost track of the days passing by. now i cant really remember which day it is of the week that i am on.. have to check hand phone to make sure.. haha.. is that a good sign? '~'

anw, i realised my face is in much better condition. just a 15 days absence from camp- can you imagine how filthy that place is? those pillows that i am sleeping on.. =X

oh yea, rena, dise and jerry came over yesterday. good hearty chat. and makan session at hawker downstairs. its been so long since we all sat down and have a proper chat! haha.. =) from the chat i also got to know that jerry is actually csm at raven coy! haha.. didn't know he's also a regular.. and of cos, the gossips of those people who used to be so around us.. lol..

in the dumps.

一直在想啊，一个人到底要多长时间才能走出低潮期呢？

为什么我花了那么长的时间却还是困在其中？
不解。

Open book.

I think I am too much of a "open book" to everyone.. my face speaks too much of what I am thinking..

MC day 11.

freak. another ns man passed away during training. why is there so many of such cases this year? i cant help but feel alot. maybe its cos i am also in service.. maybe its becos...

*****

oh yea while i am napping this afternoon, my hp rang a few times with a few smses for me.

hey promoted liao. no more private. now lcp!

surprised. not sure of what happened, so i smsed back to ask. appearantly we are promoted due to so called "good performance", no more private till ord due to failing ippt! haha. but well, i still hope to pass it at least once before i ord.. =)

The past.

i would sometimes long to see you all on the streets that i am walking,
but yet afraid or lost if i would bump into you.

i tried to think if everything was caused by me.
but im sorry. i guess it is not totally my fault.

i hope everything would go back to normal soon.
but i also have less expectation.
and even if we talk again,
im sorry, things would not be the same again...

MC day 10.

my feed reader seems to be fixed. i hope. haha. read the last few posts of blinkymummy and saw that she revealed the face of her partner - mr "good fren"! haha. his debut appearance with full face. some of the readers so cute, commented that good fren finally has eyes! cos she always mosaic his eyes to protect identity. lol..

anw, i went to remove the stitches yesterday. paid $0 woohoo-! serving ns is not that bad afterall. haha. michelle and vic came over and pei me mahjong last night too.. second time coming over since the op and also volunteered to pei me. iam so touched. =D

*****

dickson's first book out over the weekend! after the two weeks confinement.. haha.. makes me thought of my own one just one year ago.. fond memories.. LOL!

*****

mum made some dumplings. yummy!

MC day 8.

its the F1 race yesterday! too bad im home bound. cant go over to town area to at least hear the vroom vroom go pass me. haha.

anw, here's some pics from angie! took it the other day when they visited me in the hospital. haha. relatives and friends have also came down to visit me over the past few days. so paiseh everyone have to make the trip down hehe. i will take care and be more healthy again!



angie's not in it. i'll have to wait for the photos from herry! haa..


from sis's cam..



drip drip drip.. survived on only this for two whole days 48 hrs without food and drink hor! haha!

the wound, just above my waist. its pain de ok so now stop speculating if i am faking. ha!

爱情小品 #2

Quoted from Mary.

蜻蜓的故事

在一个非常宁静而美丽的小城，有一对非常恩爱的恋人，他们每天都去海边看日出，晚上去海边送夕阳，每个见过他们的人都向他们投来羡慕的目光。

可是有一天，在一场车祸中，女孩不幸受了重伤，她静静地躺在医院的病床上，几天几夜都没有醒过来。白天，男孩就守在床前不停地呼唤毫无知觉的恋人；晚上，他就跑到小城的教堂里向上帝祷告，他已经哭干了眼泪。

一个月过去了，女孩仍然昏睡着，而男孩早已憔悴不堪了，但他仍苦苦地支撑着。终于有一天，上帝被这个痴情的男孩感动了。于是他决定给这个执着的男孩一个例外。上帝问他：“你愿意用自己的生命作为交换吗？”男孩毫不犹豫地回答：“我愿意！”上帝说：“那好吧，我可以让你的恋人很快醒过来，但你要答应化作三年的蜻蜓，你愿意吗？”男孩听了，还是坚定地回答道：“我愿意！”

天亮了，男孩已经变成了一只漂亮的蜻蜓，他告别了上帝便匆匆地飞到了医院。女孩真的醒了，而且她还在跟身旁的一位医生交谈着什么，可惜他听不到。

几天后，女孩便康复出院了，但是她并不快乐。她四处打听着男孩的下落，但没有人知道男孩究竟去了哪里。女孩整天不停地寻找着，然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩却无时无刻不围绕在她身边，只是他不会呼喊，不会拥抱，他只能默默地承受着她的视而不见。夏天过去了，秋天的凉风吹落了树叶，蜻蜓不得不离开这里。于是他最后一次飞落在女孩的肩上。他想用自己的翅膀抚摸她的脸，用细小的嘴来亲吻她的额头，然而他弱小的身体还是不足以被她发现。

转眼间，春天来了，蜻蜓迫不及待地飞回来寻找自己的恋人。然而，她那熟悉的身影旁站着一个高大而英俊的男人，那一刹那，蜻蜓几乎快从半空中坠落下来。人们讲起车祸后女孩病得多么的严重，描述着那名男医生有多么的善良、可爱，还描述着他们的爱情有多么的理所当然，当然也描述了女孩已经快乐如从前。

蜻蜓伤心极了，在接下来的几天中，他常常会看到那个男人带着自己的恋人在海边看日出，晚上又在海边看日落，而他自己除了偶尔能停落在她的肩上以外，什么也做不了。

这一年的夏天特别长，蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飞着，他已经没有勇气接近自己昔日的恋人。她和那男人之间的喃喃细语，他和她快乐的笑声，都令他窒息。

第三年的夏天，蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的恋人了。她的肩被男医生轻拥着，脸被男医生轻轻地吻着，根本没有时间去留意一只伤心的蜻蜓，更没有心情去怀念过去。

上帝约定的三年期限很快就要到了。就在最后一天，蜻蜓昔日的恋人跟那个男医生举行了婚礼。

蜻蜓悄悄地飞进教堂，落在上帝的肩膀上，他听到下面的恋人对上帝发誓说：我愿意！他看着那个男医生把戒指戴到昔日恋人的手上，然后看着他们甜蜜地亲吻着。蜻蜓流下了伤心的泪水。

上帝叹息着：“你后悔了吗？”蜻蜓擦干了眼泪：“没有！”上帝又带着一丝愉悦说：“那么，明天你就可以变回你自己了。”蜻蜓摇了摇头：“就让我做一辈子蜻蜓吧……”

有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱他。你的肩上有蜻蜓吗？

MC day 5.

pain and discomfort is still there. getting around is still not easy. shit. shouldn't have discharged so early. haha.

it has been raining since last night. the weather has been so good for resting at home.. such good luck i have.. hee..