now playing: 我爱的人

我爱的人 不是我的爱人
他心里每一寸 都属于另一个人
他真幸福 幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨 他的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人 他已有了爱人
从他们的眼神 说明了我不可能
每当听见 她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情 永恒的嘲笑声

the full stop came.

all the ceremonies ended today.

the wake, the funeral, the cremation, the ash collecting.

there is really little i can do for my uncle, my cousins and the rest of the family other than helping out here and there and be there for them.

stayed overnight on the last night, to keep zhen zhao company throughout the night so that he wouldnt feel so lonely, and grandma and uncle can have catch some sleep. somehow i felt close to my uncle and cousin again. the talkings, the chats.

sometime ago i still see cousin quite often as uncle would send him to school before we go to camp. but the converstation (if hello can also be counted as conversation) is short as i think we arent "warmed up" yet. but i am really glad that i am here with them.

the night reminded me of the times where mum is helping to take care of zhen zhao and yan xiang when we were still living at the old home, and uncle and aunt would come over with treats like cookies and goodies while picking them home.

i know how zhen zhao is feeling. no, not totally, but i do. it hurts, when he was saying to me that he feels time pass super fast that partiular night. i know i shd say something to him but other than being there with him, i dunno what to say. i am one that is not good with words.

i thought i was holding myself quite well, not letting emotions taking over me thruout the 4 days. but at the last day, before the cortege leaves, the musicians are here and when they started playing the songs, i crumbled. i cant take it. the final moment. its coming to the end, that kind of songs they played..

i have never seen my mum cried so badly before.
i have never seen my grand parents like that before.
i have never seen my uncle like that before.
i have never seen everyone like that before..

i think aunt is happy.. so many of the relatives came to send her off.. and she is not no longer in pain. and i hope that uncle and cousin will live strongly from now on.

...

jiu mu passed away yesterday afternoon, while i am in camp and its a duty day so i cant book out only till today.

thou we're all prepared, the news still kind of shook me when it came, as we just went over to visit her on sunday..

angela's quotes #1

口味，因人而异，那么难迎合，却又总想去迎合。
到头来还不是一场空？

如果...?

像开始时那样
握着手就算天快亮?



(now playing 戴佩妮 - 怎样)

Of dust and heat.

yea.. back to camp for two days. think i have been to used to civilian life. missing my naps and late mornings man!

the uniform is making me feel so warm, the dust in guardroom makes me sneeze non stop, all the mundane stuff making me so sianz at all times..

35days of civilian life! i almost thought i ord-ed!

back to reality.

Rifle, buddy, me.

was talking to Alan and the conversation sort of ended with this line..

brought back lots of memories of b/m/t! he used to be one of the "lead singer" of the platoon and the timer as well.. and this is one of the favorite song we will always sing!

i'm glad that this few of us are still keeping contact.. even though its just through msn or facebook..

Events - outings.

quite eventful these few days! met up with Eugene on Thurs- he's on half day so i went over to raffles city to meet him for lunch and chill. I wanna say thanks bro for spending the whole afternoon with me and listen to my rants of my miserable life. it really helped alot. =D

coincidentally, agnes and gang was also at raffles city for lunch! haha. chatted with them for a while while waiting for eugene.. and so i arranged lunch with agnes the next day! haha.. certainly misses those working days with them.. unlike now where i feel so wasted and my brain cells all wasting away.

yesterday was at sofian's for hari raya! first time joining them as i didnt go for last year's. the food is great and so is the company! love the fried potatoes loads. hohoh. jielun finally turned up after so long. haha. headed to town for some walk walk afterwards with jielun and junwei.

L to R:Junwei, Leon, Han, Chin, Sofian, Jielun, JB, Me.

Saved.

i nearly thought i will die last night. thanks herry for talking to me on the phone, keeping me calm. that few moments really saved me, even though there were times the both of us only kept quiet..

Swatch.

I freaking like this watch!! tried it already.. nice.. but its too ex.. =(

FED UP.

I is freaking fed up! that brainless freak. you think you just want to go ahead and plan things your way? by all means please go ahead. its not me who is going to suffer. its your people! i have done my due part by informing you wayyy before time.

Its out.

The report is out. I would say it is rather f-up la. Sounding like you guys have no fault at all huh s/a/f?

Actually, i aren't even waiting for it, cos i know that they are going to come out with this kind of report. One that seems rather like them shrieking responsibilities.

I dunno what to say la.. Those that has been in service before would know what the actual system is like.. Who really cared about us unless ourselves? Talk about "care for soldiers"...

Causes of death 2 NSmen who died during training revealed
By Margaret Perry, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 22 October 2008 0043 hrs


SINGAPORE: The causes of death of two servicemen who died during training in June this year were revealed in Parliament on Tuesday.

Second Lieutenant Clifton Lam Jia Hao collapsed and died during a jungle training exercise in Brunei.

An inquiry found he died from heatstroke.

Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean told the House that Second Lieutenant Lam was given four litres of water and purification tablets.

But the Board established that he may not have hydrated himself adequately during the training exercise.

Mr Teo said neither case could have been detected through medical screening and no safety breach, foul play or negligence were found on the part of personnel.

The Defence Minister said despite the best efforts to reduce risks in training, it is not possible to guarantee no deaths or injuries.

He said: "Nevertheless, I can assure this House that the SAF will continue to do its best to look after our servicemen and servicewomen in terms of medical screening, proper training systems, training safety procedures, and medical coverage during training activities. They are after all our sons and our daughters and every life is precious to us." - CNA/vm

you're selfish. you're damn selfish. i will hate you forever in this aspect.

who are you to say i am the selfish one when you are actually the one?

To eugene.

i dunno.. was wondering what will happen if gene did not prompt me on msn yesterday to talk to me.. i had been looking at hp but dunno who i can call to just talk to.. to rant out the things in me..

thanks to him alot.. really bro..

on the non stop disputes.

in hokkien we call it 相欠债。

你不知道。

倘若说放一次手 就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

quoted: 折翼天使

有些东西失去了就失去了，找不回来了，就算找回来了也没啥意义。

Deja Vu.

Grandaunt passed away this morning.

It came as quite a shock for all of us.. Gu Gu and cousin just went to visit her at the home last sunday and said that she look quite good. Had put on some weight too.

Haven't seen her for a few years. She has dementia so she can't recognize us too. The last time we went to her house before she was at the home, she wouldn't let anyone into her room.

2008 is not a good year, i think. aunt's cancer had a relapse and things are not doing good for her. I hope she recovers soon.

I ain't.

no, i'm not running away from probs when they arises. i am not a weakling that only knows how to run away. i am not childish.

i am just letting of some steam on this holy ground.

i just need an outlet. and since no one is listening, this is the best place. =)

its not that home is not the warmest place anymore, i would just say- 家家有本难念的经。

I'm only human.

and she forgets- I aren't saint.