masquerade.

i just found out.

looking back at the past and seeing the current situation things are at, i think i am pretty much a failure.

i don't wanna lose some people, but i've lost them. and it seem pretty permanent. things arent getting better and even i myself is escaping.

i jus dun wanna admit that i have lost.. thats y i have not broken down yet.. but the biggest prob is i dont know when i will.

sometimes i do wonder:-

why he cant find anything to talk to me anymore? we're supp to be good friends.. but now we are no better than strangers. have i not tried hard enough?

and many other cases. i know my friend has been sandwiched but that is not what i want either. the situation is making me wonder whether i has been sucha rotten person. that no one can have a way to communicate to me. that people are believing what they heard of my instead of the 'me' tat they know, that.. i am pretty shunned by the rest..

am i really that bad, friends? do you still treat me as, friends?

i reckon, its more or less my fault. maybe i try too hard. maybe our paths are just meant to intertwined at only a certain part.. and that part has ended already..




lost were the days, gone were the days. no matter how much and hard i try, things just arent getting better. i used to be v outspoken and speak my mind when i feel i dun like it. at that time, people say i was too direct. and that i put out all emotions on my face. now, people are saying i am too quiet and not really willing to communicate.. which is the kind of face that people want to see me put?

now playing: 蘇打綠 - 小情歌

what was in my mind then?

i think i was abit scared. to fact the reality i think.

scared that i will be in the same situation again. a situation where my existance is forgotten and everyone just go on and on yaking about that event - yes the one that i arent involve yea.. and i will like be in that awkward situation again which i do not know how i should react.

Pain.

it always sets me to think:-

how much pain does it take for one to suffer before he/she becomes numb and dun feel it anymore?

how much pain is "alot"?

all but just emotions felt.

*****

days passed fast with work, thou the endless spreadsheets and payment checklists are driving me absolutely crazy. running here and there does not make me look busy and hardworking, but only a crazy mad dog pacing ard.

=(
lunch today is like delayed till one cos of the meeting with promo peoples for the budgeting issues.. and after that is lunch. cant help but kinda feel left out, or issit that i had unknowingly isolated my self?

since when has that wall been built!

quotes: from Nat #3

One of the hardest lessons in life is to learn how to love without having
to say it; And to learn when someone is loving you even when it isn’t
spoken.

now playing: 王菲 - 红豆

还没好好地感受雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵著手走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜天长和地久

有时候有时候我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆熬成缠绵的伤口
然后一起分享会更明白相思的哀愁
还没好好的感受醒著亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右你才追求孤独的自由

有时候有时候我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透也许你会陪我看细水长流

Herry, Angie, Adi, Kel.

it has been long since we all had a "good serious" gathering.. angiee had been at africa with her parents for the past 6 months.. and herry was.. more engaged with army and some other things. lol. it seems like it had been one hundred years since we were last this close. THANK GOD WE STILL ARE THIS CLOSE. everyone seem to be busy with their own life at one moment.. but i cant afford to lose them. lol. we must meet more!!!

was at PS and VIVO, also went to the spain2dream private sale, which we bought nothing but choclates. lol. snacked Carls Jr at the open plaze *is that what u call the open air level that is highest at vivo??*.

good talk with herry. i am happy. life shd be happy. and i am happy that i have a fren like him to care about me. what more can i ask? =) dunch worry bro i will be fine and will be the good old kk u loved!!! hohoho.

Let the pics tell the happiness:-

at subway..

in the MRT to vivo..

shopping.eating.chatting.chilling.

pics: Tank Concert @ RP

quotes: from Mars vs Venus

you can fix a broken phone, but can you fix a broken friendship?

坏了的手機能修，
有裂痕的友誼，能嗎？

brooding.

havent had a proper post for quite a few days. blogger has been down down into the drain and its irritating the hell outta me.

lunch today is at miss clarity, at bugis there right next to KA's new work place! hoho but he is not there so didnt manage to ka jiao him when i went.. as you know, office people are mostly "less sporting" to go somewhere further for lunch.. and so it is a feat for us to travel there by bus for lunch!! haha.. like what shrl say, "its good that we colleagues share some memories outside of central kopitiam". haha! foor there is not bad and affordable. $8.80 for set lunch with drinks, soup and dessert. ok rite! i ordered chrispy chicken baked rice and it is good.. nex time i will try the other dishes that the rest tried..

anw, ITS FRIDAY-!!! i do think that friday is a day which working people looks forward to.. for the good rest and the time to do things that they want. hit town after work to get some destress from walking ard.. called jas and she happens to be ard so we met up and chat/dinner! its been long.. also went to look up dan. that ah fat! haha..

shopping ard orchard!

sometimes, hearing what's happening at your ex-workplace do makes you feel fortunate that you are no longer there - that that place is already an 'ex'. heard from jas what has been happening, arent surprised but didnt tot that things have already gone this bad. well, current work is still not so bad after all! =)

like what ting says, wang shi zhi neng hui wei. those nice old good times only lives in memory..

*****

carina has left! hais one less "partner" at work liao.. soon after shrl is going too.. and then ys and ly is going too.. like all the original people in dsg almost gone le.. the interns are leaving nex week too.. sianz.. i hope i will not be dragged my the snr mgt to have lunch tgt!! omg.. cant stand having to discuss work over lunch.. -_-

lunch is over at this super ex place at robertson quay. famous for their mussels. i love mussels but i didn't give it a try. remember i said it was expensive.. -_-

they've got nice decos on the walls.. one of the wall is made into the silhouette of TIN TIN characters. my fav comic! think i finish the whole series le.. last time, at old bedok library, there is a special shelf all TIN TIN comics!!

bye bye carina!

and i had the steak set lunch *cheapest on menu* which already cost near to 30. omg its jus a lunch for a part timer i would say it is VERY EX. as so agreed by the interns too. haha.

and so. that means i have to save save save for the coming weeks!

run.

suddenly, i feel like i am in the middle of no where. and that i dont belong to anywhere.


i wanna runn awayy...

quotes: from NAT #2

Disappearance

Sometimes we wonder: If I disappeared (or died), would people come looking for me? Methinks that's the reason why a lot of people go into hiding. They want to know if they did make a difference. Whether their existence mattered.

At most, one or two people might come by, searching for you out of genuine concern. You retreat further. It breaks their heart but in the end, they give up. Maybe one of them might come by now and then to just drop in on you.

Then you move house without telling anyone. At the same time, you wonder where everybody has gone.

And you realise that when you wake from your hibernation, everyone else has moved on with their own life and have their own families and children and grandchildren. You remain trapped in the past. But you can't blame anyone because it was you who went into hibernation.

Everyone else thinks you died. They missed you for a little while, and then they moved on and resumed Life - as all living creatures are wont to do.

It was a sad day to learn the even sadder truth.

Like a modern day Rip van Winkle, the only company you have now is your own shadow and your very long beard.

dA: Sky

check out this new series that i have put up onto my dA. hope that i can me motivated enough to make it a ongoing project thou.. =)

blogthing #1

quotes: from Nat

If people think you are bad, anything you do will always be perceived as
bad.

*****

7. Love is: something that you can't impose on someone. You can only give it and hope that it's reciprocated. Love is also something that we must learn to receive, no matter how unworthy we think we are.

*****

forgotten #2.

It's true. Do one wrong and all the goodness that's ever been done will be erased.

People are indeed forgetful.

-_-

after being very late for work yesterday, i forced myself to get up real early today. and to make my self awake, i decided to jog for 1/2 hour before i go to work. shun bian training for NS!!!

but what happen this morning? managed to wake up at about 650.. buts its pouring like no one's business out side the window.. -_-"

sipeh sian!! told sandy when i reach office, and she say it means i am meant to go in to NS to suffer thats y now wake early le also cant jog. double -_-"

aarrhhgg!! tmr morn i will wake again to jog de!!!

forgotten.

sometimes, knowing more of the truth might only make ourselves feel worse off.. people say: curiosity kills the cat. the truth hurts. very.

日就見人心，時間久了就能看到真相，夢想就會破碎。

why? #4

当他们不断地用“忙”来搪塞你想要聚会的要约，那意味着什么？

Hate This Feeling.

i hate this kinda ambiguous feeling that i am having right now. like i am dying to find out what some people feel but to no avail. and i keep feeling like they have doubt of me/ my character/ hate me/ despise me.

haish..

when will the days like those we have in the past come back??