It helps to know, that we are both staring at the same blue sky.
如果错过了。。。那就不要再去追究。因为当你回到过去时，人事已变，而你想追回的从前，已经离你而去。
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
quotes: from ahleck
A simple gesture assured oneself that you had not spent your life waiting in vain. That's all that's required, isn't it. Having known that while you were thinking of and missing someone, your thoughts were reciprocated.
Monday, February 26, 2007
now playing: Tank - 專屬天使
我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽 而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤
小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想 透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
小小的手掌大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方就是我的方向
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
*****
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽 而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤
小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想 透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
小小的手掌大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方就是我的方向
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
*****
its suppose to be easy!! and yes the imc indeed is quite easy, but i cant finish the paper!!! T_T
i missed the last 16 marks.. blank blank no time to write!! sigh. there goes my grades. there goes my uni chance.. dammit!
super depressed. i dunno how to describe the depression but i think i jus have to pick myself up cos theres still crm tmr.
16 marks plus the mistakes that i will make at the other parts.. the badly done 10 min presentation and the written ica that is equally badly done.. god bless that i wont do that supp man! last exam le.. pls dun let me go through that supp paper...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
放縱
yesterday, i only studied the segmentation chapter and the campaign management system of crm. the rest of the day is endless food, mahjong and ban luck.
its cny! 我需要一點這樣的放縱!!
everything at aunt's house is simply fab. today they're all coming over to my house. hmm..
dun dare to look forward to any good grades for this exam. damn nyp for putting the exam at this time!!
its cny! 我需要一點這樣的放縱!!
everything at aunt's house is simply fab. today they're all coming over to my house. hmm..
dun dare to look forward to any good grades for this exam. damn nyp for putting the exam at this time!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
amazing!
sometimes, its just amazing how the internet works.
Dickson is a fren i get to know from cruz's comments section. i dunno since when, he started to see my blog regularly and tag my board. i think he is the first net friend that i actually communicated to! then, i start to see his blog regularly too and later, i added him on msn.
he's a great guy i will tell you. cos sometimes, he will msn me to tell me to be more positive and dun think so dully of things that happens to me. theres so much we can talk and chat!
know why i say he is great? cos he makes the effort. i am jus some one he noe on line. he has not seen me before. but still he showed concern from a fren. thats not something that he need to do yea? and i appreciates it alot.
so yups. i will be happy! as he says, its the new year! ^^
Dickson is a fren i get to know from cruz's comments section. i dunno since when, he started to see my blog regularly and tag my board. i think he is the first net friend that i actually communicated to! then, i start to see his blog regularly too and later, i added him on msn.
he's a great guy i will tell you. cos sometimes, he will msn me to tell me to be more positive and dun think so dully of things that happens to me. theres so much we can talk and chat!
know why i say he is great? cos he makes the effort. i am jus some one he noe on line. he has not seen me before. but still he showed concern from a fren. thats not something that he need to do yea? and i appreciates it alot.
so yups. i will be happy! as he says, its the new year! ^^
i've had enough.
tmr's cny gathering @ mrs quek's has to be postponed.
cos everyone say not free last min.
i mean come on.. its only once in a year and its not easy to organise.. with all the people scattled around.. and this is the kind of attitude? i mean at least make the effort to come lo! is it that dificult to come up with 2 hours there? action speaks louder than words and all your actions showed me how you guys were thinking.
next year i arent organising anymore. i will go myself. haha! why shd i care when no one wana go?
cos everyone say not free last min.
i mean come on.. its only once in a year and its not easy to organise.. with all the people scattled around.. and this is the kind of attitude? i mean at least make the effort to come lo! is it that dificult to come up with 2 hours there? action speaks louder than words and all your actions showed me how you guys were thinking.
next year i arent organising anymore. i will go myself. haha! why shd i care when no one wana go?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Exams coming!!!
back from bangkok last nite. overall its a ok trip bah. haha. this year's cny is the most not cny de cny. haha. but still i hope the coming piggie year will be good!! not only for me and also for those ard me!! ^^
as for the cny eve reunion dinner..
the colorful yusheng
woohoo!!
in the kitchen during preparation..
yummy!
two boats this year. one tom yum and one original.
some pics from the BKK trip..
ok! if nothing much more "happening" happens, i shd be on hiatus till next fri.. the end of exams!!!
as for the cny eve reunion dinner..
the colorful yusheng
woohoo!!
in the kitchen during preparation..
yummy!
two boats this year. one tom yum and one original.*****
some pics from the BKK trip..
ok! if nothing much more "happening" happens, i shd be on hiatus till next fri.. the end of exams!!!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
2 thumbs up for The Protégé
go catch it if you have not yet. its great!!!went to watch it today with sam.. its the opening day and that means more ex! but the show made it worth the $$.. hmm. ok i shd go study now le. already didnt study and watch movie liao. haha!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
圆满落幕
We are all finally going to split our ways... maybe we will never meet again.. maybe we will.. but it is always hard to hold on sometimes... The "missing each other" thing will haunt me bad.. somehow, its the end of 3 years of happiness and unhappiness in nyp.
i will miss everything that i have over here.. be it good or bad, it all belongs to me!!
last day today. as da jie says: being the most noisy class to make our presence felt, i think we carried our name well. haha.
stayed back at ltc after the final class - imc lecture. had lotsa fun taking pics and all!!
darren, jx, herry, me, ka
kk and herry - bro since yr 1
yen, kel, rena
kel and sam
dise, xy, kel
kel and hao
kel and carrie took this pic...
and the next moment alot of people suddenly appear behind us! haa.
JJJ + sam
class tradition - tau pok!
Alert: R21 contents! omg look at jx's expression!
another R21 pic!
show da asses!
we're all L wannabes
"formal" pic. actually look more like family pics taken in the 80s or earlier..
relax!
so right now.. thats the end FOR THE TIME BEING while we all chiong for the last lap.. the camping at the library at the end of every sem is what we do!!! and its also something that will be deeply missed!! =) jia yous everyone of us!
presenting the ALMOST complete BM0431-BL!
i will miss everything that i have over here.. be it good or bad, it all belongs to me!!
*****
last day today. as da jie says: being the most noisy class to make our presence felt, i think we carried our name well. haha.
Joan says:
3 years ago, I started my poly journey with BM0411! Although we were into different group of friends, different CCAs, we still go for our long lunch breaks together, trying to sleep in the small discussion room at the library and do many crazy things!
Kel says:
i am so glad i am part of it! those days we had!!
stayed back at ltc after the final class - imc lecture. had lotsa fun taking pics and all!!
darren, jx, herry, me, ka
kk and herry - bro since yr 1
yen, kel, rena
kel and sam
dise, xy, kel
kel and hao
kel and carrie took this pic...
and the next moment alot of people suddenly appear behind us! haa.
JJJ + sam
class tradition - tau pok!
Alert: R21 contents! omg look at jx's expression!
another R21 pic!
show da asses!
we're all L wannabes
"formal" pic. actually look more like family pics taken in the 80s or earlier..
relax!*****
so right now.. thats the end FOR THE TIME BEING while we all chiong for the last lap.. the camping at the library at the end of every sem is what we do!!! and its also something that will be deeply missed!! =) jia yous everyone of us!
presenting the ALMOST complete BM0431-BL!
happy v dae!!
to everyone! who says it can only be celebrate with girlfriends and boyfriends??
so.. everyone happy ah!!! no date also must happy. cos ur family love u too. friends love you too. ^^
so.. everyone happy ah!!! no date also must happy. cos ur family love u too. friends love you too. ^^
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
yay-ness
with the end of IB presentation today, it officially marks the end of all assignments we have in nyp. now its only left with tmr's last lectures and then its the exam..
its a.. mixed feelings.
i can still vividly remember jus not long ago, i enter nyp very "fresh". with no one familiar ard. right now 3 years had passed without knowing and i am going to leave liao! of cos, with alot of dear ones ard me..
everyone was saying.. its ok cos friends will still stay ard to support you.. but i know that things just arent going to be the same le.. right now its we see each other everyday of cos the bond is stronger de rite.
yups. right now whats bugging me is the sense of in-security. maybe its cos i arent a fren good enough.. thats y i am feeling it.. =(
anw, as the proj ends, i suddenly feels v empty. cos had been having all the sleepless and tired nites last week, the sudden relax-ness makes me feel so empty. but i cherish it hor. not easy to have a rest. haha!
how shd i face tmr? last day. emo. i hate this kinda feeling.
its a.. mixed feelings.
i can still vividly remember jus not long ago, i enter nyp very "fresh". with no one familiar ard. right now 3 years had passed without knowing and i am going to leave liao! of cos, with alot of dear ones ard me..
everyone was saying.. its ok cos friends will still stay ard to support you.. but i know that things just arent going to be the same le.. right now its we see each other everyday of cos the bond is stronger de rite.
stone says:
tings will bee fine.
dun be so insecure la.
have faith in ur frenz.
hahaha !
yups. right now whats bugging me is the sense of in-security. maybe its cos i arent a fren good enough.. thats y i am feeling it.. =(
*****
anw, as the proj ends, i suddenly feels v empty. cos had been having all the sleepless and tired nites last week, the sudden relax-ness makes me feel so empty. but i cherish it hor. not easy to have a rest. haha!
*****
how shd i face tmr? last day. emo. i hate this kinda feeling.
Monday, February 12, 2007
电影 [生日快乐]
yups. finally watched that show. its a nice one. 平平淡淡的感动，总是最真实，最能打动人。
小米与小南之间，存在着一种微妙的关系。在一起？还是分了？旁人都不是很清楚。小南曾说过，不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。 一度以为他忘了这个誓言，但在片末，却发现他从来没有。
离开以后，小南要全部人不让小米知道。是爱她？想保护她？还是自私？或许只有小米知道。
[生日快乐]原文，取自《我想跟你走》
那天是我的生日，遇上了七级台风，外头的风雨真的很大，大得让人心慌，这种时候，除了担心灾情，也会想像那些跟我一样独居的孤男寡女的心情。
就在这时候，电话响了，小米打来的。落寞地问：“你在干嘛？”
我说：“没啊！呆着呢！”
小米是我多年的好朋友，平时不常联络，或者说，只要她出现，肯定有事。当然她也可以这样形容我。
我问她：“又怎么了？”
她说：“没啊……”
沉默了一阵子，她才悠悠地说：“已经过三十六个小时了，他都没有e-mail来。”我先是一头雾水，接着想起前天就是小米的生日。她有一个相交十多年的前男友小南，即便分手很久了，两人平时也不联络，但每年两个人的生日，他们必定相互问候对方。
小米有点轻描淡写，但我知道她伤得很深。她就是那种越轻描淡写伤势越严重的类型。
但要说她在乎的是小南，不如说要命的是生日。每当生日快到的时候，小米就开始陷入一种焦虑，那是一种既兴奋又注定要受伤害的气氛。是因为年龄与日俱增吗？还是因为适婚年龄已过？但这又是每个都会单身女性的问题，小米又何苦为难自己？
以上只是我的猜测，因为我知道小米不太喜欢听到人家说“生日快乐”，连我跟她这样的朋友，在她生日的时候，都不会去自讨没趣。但小米同时又不高兴人家提都不提她的生日，好像她降临这个世界没有任何重要性。是啊，谁要那种全人类都不记得自己生日的感觉呢？
对于这种天人交战的难题，她的处理方式是，在生日的那天，关掉手机，拔掉家里电话，不上网。矫枉过正吗？应该说把头藏在沙堆里是小米的拿手绝活。
小南是小米的初恋情人，那年，小米十七岁。十七岁的失恋跟谈恋爱好像一样剧情单纯，当事人以为自己的故事很壮烈，观众看起来不过如此。
他们分手后的十年之间，都维持当好朋友，甚至当初小米去欧洲学音乐，也是小南鼓励她的。他说他们的相处方式已经走进死胡同，小米太依赖他了，如果小米不暂时离开，她的人生就完了。那年，他考上交大，小米只是补习生。
于是小米真的走了。
而她的人生当然也就不一样了。
后来不管身边换了多少对象，他们都保持一种奇妙的伙伴关系。小南在小米出国期间，甚至常常去找小米的爸爸聊天，表明不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。
这种说法听起来很滑稽，但是很动人，小米每每听到，虽然嘴里说死也不会嫁给小南，但还是沾沾自喜。
小南去维也纳找过小米一次，两个人一起度过三天，第四天小南就不见了，留下一张纸条，“我在台湾买了一张环欧火车票，我要好好利用……”
小米回国后，就在一家打击乐教室教小朋友，小南即便当时不乏风流韵事，只要小米一通电话，小南都会出现。小米对他的依赖不是生活上的，更多的是精神上的。每当小米感情受挫时、工作不顺时、对自己缺乏信心时，她就需要小南的“诺言”来当作自己的强心针。
这些年当中，他们也曾经试图在一起，毕竟互相取暖的两个人，火花是取之不绝的。但是复合的第一个礼拜，两个人都变得无话可说，压力大到令人窒息，于是再来整整三个礼拜没有联络！
小米告诉我，就在他们谈好分手的那个晚上，他们去吃饭，两个人又回到了以前一样，滔滔不绝，甜言蜜语。
小米常常说小南很了解她，或者说，因为他们很像，都不能忍受跟另一个生物腻在一起太久，所以他们之间的距离总是刚刚好。刚刚好到“现在什么都没发生，但是永远都有可能会发生什么”。
一天，小南打电话给小米，说找她吃饭，小米说过一会儿要去上班，现在不想出门。于是他买了三明治去她家，吃完小米赶着出门，他送她去，经过安和路信义路口的婚纱店（现在挂着林志玲的海报），他突然问小米：“你如果结婚，会拍哪一种婚纱照？”
小米把脸一扬，冷冷地说：“最讨厌婚纱照了，如果结婚才不要拍照，麻烦死了！”
“我同意，麻烦又浪费钱。”小米相信小南在暗示什么，虽然小米还是觉得自己不会嫁给他。
两天之后，小米去看《落跑新娘》，出了戏院听手机留言，是小南，“我要结婚了，新娘你不认识，我一直没跟你讲，因为不到最后一秒，我都不能确 定。对不起啦。我什么事都跟她说，她不相信我们只是朋友，所以我必须很正式跟你说，我们只是朋友，我爱的人是她，她现在就在我身边……”
这世界上有比这个更滑稽的事情吗？
他高兴跟谁结婚就跟谁结婚，那是他的自由，但他有必要一直隐瞒吗？不到最后一秒不能确定？那他根本就是永远不能确定！他们要怎么拍结婚照，那 是他们家的事，有必要来告诉我吗？这是“朋友”的行为吗？还有，最不可原谅的，有必要在她面前打电话来羞辱我吗？“不把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上”， 这不是小学生都知道的公民道德吗？
小米在手机里说她没有掉眼泪，她说她很好，终于解脱了，不用再为小南的幸福负责，所以开着她的黑色吉普车把台北市绕了三圈，她说，她觉得很可笑，对于过去的十三年都相信他的诺言，可笑的是自己。我说这一圈绕完就回家吧。
后来小南是何时结婚的，我们并不知道，起码这群至死护卫小米的朋友都不知道，只知道从消息曝光那天开始，再也没人从小米口中听到小南这两个字。
故事并没有结束。
小米一直到今天才跟我说。
其实这几年每到生日，她都会收到他的e-mail
就是一句话——
Happy Birthday
每一封她都存起来。
每隔六个月，小南生日的时候，小米就把同一封信回传给他。
我笑她那么沉得住气，那么耍心机，小米说：“我连他结婚的事都没问过……多写一个字，都会心痛……”
于是每一年的生日祝福，就是惟一可以知道他还活着的方式，或者说，知道他还有一点点在乎自己的方式。今年生日已经过了，已经过了三十六个小 时，小米都没有收到小南的讯息，她开始慌了。我要她直接写信去问。“那怎么可能……他忘了就忘了吧！”说这话的时候，小米的声音像是一口水咽不下去。
几天过后，我收到小米的简讯。
“今天晚上十一点五十六分我才收到他的祝福。
原文如下 There are things I care about everyday but can only say it once a year. Sorry about the delay. （有些事我每天都挂念，但只能一年说一次。迟到了，对不起。）
几天后，无意间在路上碰见初中同学，他是刚从上海回来的，聊天时我好奇地问起小南，同学跟我说，你不知道他已经走了吗？
“去哪儿了？”
同学说：“天国。”
然后是可想而知的短暂对话，“不好笑”，“你有看到我在笑吗？他走了快一年了。”
我感到一阵晕眩，晕眩过后，我想到小米。为什么这么大的事我们没人知道，小米也不知道？因为我们从小南说要结婚之后，就几乎拒绝听到任何有关他的消息。但前几天的那封e-mail是怎么回事？
我翻出早已不用的通讯录，壮着胆子打去小南的家，也不知号码是否还管用。
一个年轻女人接起了电话，说是小南的姐姐。我表明身份，问候了几句，最终忍不住问了她，如果小南早就不在，怎么会有e-mail？她哭了出来，小心翼翼地 跟我说：“请不要再追究这件事，这是小南走之前要我帮他做的。他要我每年帮他发一次e-mail，我忘了，过了快一个礼拜才想起来。”小南姐姐要我守住秘 密，但这样的事怎么可能瞒得了永远呢？
但要我去跟小米戳破，那也是不可能的，要讲也不会是我讲。我跟小南姐姐多问一些情况，病因是脑肿瘤，时间呢，发现时是四年前，后来都在大陆寻求另类疗法。四年前？那不就是小南给小米留话说要结婚的那年？
“那小南的太太呢？”
“什么太太？小南没有结婚啊！我们家人都知道他一直在等小米啊！”
接下来我在电话里足足沉默了三十秒。
我在想，这是怎么回事？或者说，我已经猜到怎么回事，但我在怀疑，这怎么可能？这一切是小南的安排吗？什么？假装闪电结婚，从此消失，一年一 次生日问候，一直到……要一直到什么时候？他要小米对他死心，然后让小米知道他永远记得她。这是爱吗？这世界上有这样的爱吗？这不是通俗小说里的情节吗？ 但它又远比小说情节真实、充满细节，小南、小米在我脑海里栩栩如生，他们的忧伤欢笑，那不是演出，是漫漫时间长河中的呼吸。
我全身的汗毛都竖了起来，那是在我挂上电话，走到巷口看着路上熙熙攘攘的人群时。我需要盯着一个个陌生的人，来让自己缓缓回到现实。我会先回到现实，然后再重新一点一滴让自己进去小南的世界，去感受他感受的，去编织他所编织的。
我不确定我能感受到什么程度，但我知道，每一年每一年，有三个日子对我来说是永远地改变了，小米的生日、小南的生日，和我自己的生日。
小米与小南之间，存在着一种微妙的关系。在一起？还是分了？旁人都不是很清楚。小南曾说过，不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。 一度以为他忘了这个誓言，但在片末，却发现他从来没有。
离开以后，小南要全部人不让小米知道。是爱她？想保护她？还是自私？或许只有小米知道。
*****
[生日快乐]原文，取自《我想跟你走》
那天是我的生日，遇上了七级台风，外头的风雨真的很大，大得让人心慌，这种时候，除了担心灾情，也会想像那些跟我一样独居的孤男寡女的心情。
就在这时候，电话响了，小米打来的。落寞地问：“你在干嘛？”
我说：“没啊！呆着呢！”
小米是我多年的好朋友，平时不常联络，或者说，只要她出现，肯定有事。当然她也可以这样形容我。
我问她：“又怎么了？”
她说：“没啊……”
沉默了一阵子，她才悠悠地说：“已经过三十六个小时了，他都没有e-mail来。”我先是一头雾水，接着想起前天就是小米的生日。她有一个相交十多年的前男友小南，即便分手很久了，两人平时也不联络，但每年两个人的生日，他们必定相互问候对方。
小米有点轻描淡写，但我知道她伤得很深。她就是那种越轻描淡写伤势越严重的类型。
但要说她在乎的是小南，不如说要命的是生日。每当生日快到的时候，小米就开始陷入一种焦虑，那是一种既兴奋又注定要受伤害的气氛。是因为年龄与日俱增吗？还是因为适婚年龄已过？但这又是每个都会单身女性的问题，小米又何苦为难自己？
以上只是我的猜测，因为我知道小米不太喜欢听到人家说“生日快乐”，连我跟她这样的朋友，在她生日的时候，都不会去自讨没趣。但小米同时又不高兴人家提都不提她的生日，好像她降临这个世界没有任何重要性。是啊，谁要那种全人类都不记得自己生日的感觉呢？
对于这种天人交战的难题，她的处理方式是，在生日的那天，关掉手机，拔掉家里电话，不上网。矫枉过正吗？应该说把头藏在沙堆里是小米的拿手绝活。
小南是小米的初恋情人，那年，小米十七岁。十七岁的失恋跟谈恋爱好像一样剧情单纯，当事人以为自己的故事很壮烈，观众看起来不过如此。
他们分手后的十年之间，都维持当好朋友，甚至当初小米去欧洲学音乐，也是小南鼓励她的。他说他们的相处方式已经走进死胡同，小米太依赖他了，如果小米不暂时离开，她的人生就完了。那年，他考上交大，小米只是补习生。
于是小米真的走了。
而她的人生当然也就不一样了。
后来不管身边换了多少对象，他们都保持一种奇妙的伙伴关系。小南在小米出国期间，甚至常常去找小米的爸爸聊天，表明不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。
这种说法听起来很滑稽，但是很动人，小米每每听到，虽然嘴里说死也不会嫁给小南，但还是沾沾自喜。
小南去维也纳找过小米一次，两个人一起度过三天，第四天小南就不见了，留下一张纸条，“我在台湾买了一张环欧火车票，我要好好利用……”
小米回国后，就在一家打击乐教室教小朋友，小南即便当时不乏风流韵事，只要小米一通电话，小南都会出现。小米对他的依赖不是生活上的，更多的是精神上的。每当小米感情受挫时、工作不顺时、对自己缺乏信心时，她就需要小南的“诺言”来当作自己的强心针。
这些年当中，他们也曾经试图在一起，毕竟互相取暖的两个人，火花是取之不绝的。但是复合的第一个礼拜，两个人都变得无话可说，压力大到令人窒息，于是再来整整三个礼拜没有联络！
小米告诉我，就在他们谈好分手的那个晚上，他们去吃饭，两个人又回到了以前一样，滔滔不绝，甜言蜜语。
小米常常说小南很了解她，或者说，因为他们很像，都不能忍受跟另一个生物腻在一起太久，所以他们之间的距离总是刚刚好。刚刚好到“现在什么都没发生，但是永远都有可能会发生什么”。
一天，小南打电话给小米，说找她吃饭，小米说过一会儿要去上班，现在不想出门。于是他买了三明治去她家，吃完小米赶着出门，他送她去，经过安和路信义路口的婚纱店（现在挂着林志玲的海报），他突然问小米：“你如果结婚，会拍哪一种婚纱照？”
小米把脸一扬，冷冷地说：“最讨厌婚纱照了，如果结婚才不要拍照，麻烦死了！”
“我同意，麻烦又浪费钱。”小米相信小南在暗示什么，虽然小米还是觉得自己不会嫁给他。
两天之后，小米去看《落跑新娘》，出了戏院听手机留言，是小南，“我要结婚了，新娘你不认识，我一直没跟你讲，因为不到最后一秒，我都不能确 定。对不起啦。我什么事都跟她说，她不相信我们只是朋友，所以我必须很正式跟你说，我们只是朋友，我爱的人是她，她现在就在我身边……”
这世界上有比这个更滑稽的事情吗？
他高兴跟谁结婚就跟谁结婚，那是他的自由，但他有必要一直隐瞒吗？不到最后一秒不能确定？那他根本就是永远不能确定！他们要怎么拍结婚照，那 是他们家的事，有必要来告诉我吗？这是“朋友”的行为吗？还有，最不可原谅的，有必要在她面前打电话来羞辱我吗？“不把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上”， 这不是小学生都知道的公民道德吗？
小米在手机里说她没有掉眼泪，她说她很好，终于解脱了，不用再为小南的幸福负责，所以开着她的黑色吉普车把台北市绕了三圈，她说，她觉得很可笑，对于过去的十三年都相信他的诺言，可笑的是自己。我说这一圈绕完就回家吧。
后来小南是何时结婚的，我们并不知道，起码这群至死护卫小米的朋友都不知道，只知道从消息曝光那天开始，再也没人从小米口中听到小南这两个字。
故事并没有结束。
小米一直到今天才跟我说。
其实这几年每到生日，她都会收到他的e-mail
就是一句话——
Happy Birthday
每一封她都存起来。
每隔六个月，小南生日的时候，小米就把同一封信回传给他。
我笑她那么沉得住气，那么耍心机，小米说：“我连他结婚的事都没问过……多写一个字，都会心痛……”
于是每一年的生日祝福，就是惟一可以知道他还活着的方式，或者说，知道他还有一点点在乎自己的方式。今年生日已经过了，已经过了三十六个小 时，小米都没有收到小南的讯息，她开始慌了。我要她直接写信去问。“那怎么可能……他忘了就忘了吧！”说这话的时候，小米的声音像是一口水咽不下去。
几天过后，我收到小米的简讯。
“今天晚上十一点五十六分我才收到他的祝福。
原文如下 There are things I care about everyday but can only say it once a year. Sorry about the delay. （有些事我每天都挂念，但只能一年说一次。迟到了，对不起。）
几天后，无意间在路上碰见初中同学，他是刚从上海回来的，聊天时我好奇地问起小南，同学跟我说，你不知道他已经走了吗？
“去哪儿了？”
同学说：“天国。”
然后是可想而知的短暂对话，“不好笑”，“你有看到我在笑吗？他走了快一年了。”
我感到一阵晕眩，晕眩过后，我想到小米。为什么这么大的事我们没人知道，小米也不知道？因为我们从小南说要结婚之后，就几乎拒绝听到任何有关他的消息。但前几天的那封e-mail是怎么回事？
我翻出早已不用的通讯录，壮着胆子打去小南的家，也不知号码是否还管用。
一个年轻女人接起了电话，说是小南的姐姐。我表明身份，问候了几句，最终忍不住问了她，如果小南早就不在，怎么会有e-mail？她哭了出来，小心翼翼地 跟我说：“请不要再追究这件事，这是小南走之前要我帮他做的。他要我每年帮他发一次e-mail，我忘了，过了快一个礼拜才想起来。”小南姐姐要我守住秘 密，但这样的事怎么可能瞒得了永远呢？
但要我去跟小米戳破，那也是不可能的，要讲也不会是我讲。我跟小南姐姐多问一些情况，病因是脑肿瘤，时间呢，发现时是四年前，后来都在大陆寻求另类疗法。四年前？那不就是小南给小米留话说要结婚的那年？
“那小南的太太呢？”
“什么太太？小南没有结婚啊！我们家人都知道他一直在等小米啊！”
接下来我在电话里足足沉默了三十秒。
我在想，这是怎么回事？或者说，我已经猜到怎么回事，但我在怀疑，这怎么可能？这一切是小南的安排吗？什么？假装闪电结婚，从此消失，一年一 次生日问候，一直到……要一直到什么时候？他要小米对他死心，然后让小米知道他永远记得她。这是爱吗？这世界上有这样的爱吗？这不是通俗小说里的情节吗？ 但它又远比小说情节真实、充满细节，小南、小米在我脑海里栩栩如生，他们的忧伤欢笑，那不是演出，是漫漫时间长河中的呼吸。
我全身的汗毛都竖了起来，那是在我挂上电话，走到巷口看着路上熙熙攘攘的人群时。我需要盯着一个个陌生的人，来让自己缓缓回到现实。我会先回到现实，然后再重新一点一滴让自己进去小南的世界，去感受他感受的，去编织他所编织的。
我不确定我能感受到什么程度，但我知道，每一年每一年，有三个日子对我来说是永远地改变了，小米的生日、小南的生日，和我自己的生日。
Thursday, February 08, 2007
my horoscope today
You might be in a social mood, Kelvin kho, so try not to let your chores and projects get in the way of making contact with friends. You could enjoy inviting a buddy out to lunch. Have some fun talking about your lives. Lighten up a bit. Joke around and lose yourself in laughter. Try not to take life so seriously, because it will only drag you down! You'll feel better if you can be more lighthearted.
gee! i jus said no to Yao when he ask me out for dinner.. gotta do the exec sum for smk leh.. sigh.. of not we could have had a nice chat.. =(
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Get Well Soon.
went to NUH today to visit Dilah.. quite a few of us went.. she met an accident a few days ago and both her and her bf was hurt. got the news the that day where we were all crazy rushing for the projs, and i think all of us are more or less affected.
happy that she is already recovering. cos as told there is less bandages already, and she has transfered to a lower risk ward. she is really strong. so is her parents. i know that she will recover fast.
but still.. i dun really like that feeling of being in the hospital.. it makes me feel very.. heavy all the time. i think i was abit too emo today..
life is just too fragile, very! last week, we are all still in a class studying together. this week, we have to visit her in the sicu. it set me thinking of a lot of things.. we all will never know whats going to happen the next day.. its a known fact, but did we do anything about it? we still "waste" our days away not cherishing.. sigh..
being at the icu also made me thot of the time where my grandfather was hospitalised. also at icu. i hesitated at the door before i enter the room. for a moment, i tot that maye i werent prepared to go in.. but well i still went ahead with dise.. cos i tot i shd give dilah my support for her la.
hope she will recover real soon.
hope i will feel less emo.
happy that she is already recovering. cos as told there is less bandages already, and she has transfered to a lower risk ward. she is really strong. so is her parents. i know that she will recover fast.
but still.. i dun really like that feeling of being in the hospital.. it makes me feel very.. heavy all the time. i think i was abit too emo today..
life is just too fragile, very! last week, we are all still in a class studying together. this week, we have to visit her in the sicu. it set me thinking of a lot of things.. we all will never know whats going to happen the next day.. its a known fact, but did we do anything about it? we still "waste" our days away not cherishing.. sigh..
being at the icu also made me thot of the time where my grandfather was hospitalised. also at icu. i hesitated at the door before i enter the room. for a moment, i tot that maye i werent prepared to go in.. but well i still went ahead with dise.. cos i tot i shd give dilah my support for her la.
hope she will recover real soon.
hope i will feel less emo.
quotes: from Sammy.Bear
Sometimes in life,
you get so caught up in your pursuit of what you determine is right
that you neglect the more important things around you.
What price would you pay to make a point?
Know that I would rather die a failure
then forsake all those around me.
Because I know i bring to my grave
not plaques of my achievements.
But flowers of condolence and tears of thanks
from lives that i've touched with my two bare hands.
-The Reflecting Bear
you get so caught up in your pursuit of what you determine is right
that you neglect the more important things around you.
What price would you pay to make a point?
Know that I would rather die a failure
then forsake all those around me.
Because I know i bring to my grave
not plaques of my achievements.
But flowers of condolence and tears of thanks
from lives that i've touched with my two bare hands.
-The Reflecting Bear
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
D R A I N E D to the core..
last nite didnt really sleep.. spliting headache now i think its due to the lack of sleep! T_T
anw, i love today's crm presentation!! its so challenging, its so fun. one of the most memorable proj in nyp. *rena,shixiang,wanyen,dorence,yongsheng you guys are the best!!!* think we did a not bad job..
this week is a very tiring week! i hope i still got energy to go and cut my hair this thurs..
projs arent going that smooth.. sometimes i jus wished i am more resourceful and able to produce quality work up to my team's std.. i know i dragged them down in some projs.. i'm really sorry..
anw, i love today's crm presentation!! its so challenging, its so fun. one of the most memorable proj in nyp. *rena,shixiang,wanyen,dorence,yongsheng you guys are the best!!!* think we did a not bad job..
this week is a very tiring week! i hope i still got energy to go and cut my hair this thurs..
*****
projs arent going that smooth.. sometimes i jus wished i am more resourceful and able to produce quality work up to my team's std.. i know i dragged them down in some projs.. i'm really sorry..
Monday, February 05, 2007
late nites.
having another late nite again! tmr is the submission for Ib and Imc.. therefore resulting in the late nite again. i jus found out today that we actually have presentation whole of this week.. meaning everyday formal!! *horror horror* i am worried that i might fall AGAIN in that pair of leather shoe. its giving me hell..
6 presentations this week. woohoo! is shiok de lo.
6 presentations this week. woohoo! is shiok de lo.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
now playing: 梁静茹 - 纯真
have been viewing the gallery of karllong yesterday and was fascinated by the effects polaroid cameras can give. i am so tempted to get one myself too! but wells.. dun have the $, dun have the time. anw, singapore doesnt have that much of things to take too.. the pics are nice cos of the images on it!
anw, this pic featured here.. its a simple one with no nice effects. nothing at all. jus a simple plain pic. but in it. theres some people sitting together admiring the fireworks.. some thing that i likes too! and how nice is it that u can enjoy things you like with some good friends ard you? something that i dun really get to do often but i think its ok too.. being alone is not so bad either la. better than having some "frens" ard you but mentally they are not there, or they are jus going for the sake of going or what so ever reasons.
back to the main track - shd i get that polaroid cam?
******
ten more days in sch where i can still mix with everyone as a class, where we can still hang out THAT often. everything is ending jus too soon!! its not really the school that i miss la.. to be exact, its the people that makes everything wonderful. dunno how this 3 years would be if not for these people that i meet.
i agree, not every meeting brings happiness. but even with those people i dun like, i learn something from them too! so i am thankful that once in my life, i meet them too.
hitsu says, its the reality in life that people come and go. friends we have right now, will leave eventually too. 所谓天下无不散之宴席. but still.. the thought that we are not meeting that more often anymore.. we are all heading to diff paths.. all the facts makes me very sad.
how easy is it for you to find someone that u can consider them as your good friend? it was never easy. never ever. but still thru out this 3 years, i do. i would not say that i am their best friend, but what i know is that they are mine, and thats enough. i know that i can rely on them when i feel troubled, when i have joys, when i need some one. it doesnt matter if they always find you or not. but the fact that they are willing to be there for me is enough to make me happy.
i know, that we will definatly be unable to meet up that often.. but we will all still meet up rite? maybe by then, 曾经失去过得我们,才会更珍惜.
tEr says: now i will cherish what i have.. as much as i can.. and certaintly amongst so many things.. i am going to cherish all my friends.. fate bought all of us together and we became good friends.. friends that will forgive and forget..
KA says: fate made our path interwine and we all meet and become friends... it will definitely be something nice to think about when i am old... what great friends I had...
ChUa says: and i'm sure they will be ard to carry my coffin when i die.
at least i hope some will.
Hao says: Friends or foes (hopefully not!) in nanyang polytechnic that i've made, i think it is time we forgive and forget. Let it be a lesson that have changed you.
and KK says: i am happy we all cherish each other!
Friday, February 02, 2007
KK = Flop
haha! as expected. didnt pass napfa.. but i break the zero record for chin up! i got do ONE ok!!! haha.. Broad jump as usual fail. i dun even bother to jump the second time.. cos i noe i sure cant make it de.. the run is another killer.. but i am proud that i completed the whole 2.4!!! KA that flop didnt finish! haha...
after that was bball with the gang.. actually i jus 客串 for like 15 min? i am really a flop in bball lo! i actually passed the ball to my oponents.. -_-" dinner is at the zi cha outside school.. and so the day ends with sores and pains all over.. i must start to train up!!!
*****
right now on kam's msn nick:
its easy for pple to spot ur not-so-frequent mistakes and remember how disappointed they are with u, but they fail to recall how much you've helped them go thru all their adversities.
good arent it? i think it speaks of alot people's feelings right now la.. but definately not mine! =P
after that was bball with the gang.. actually i jus 客串 for like 15 min? i am really a flop in bball lo! i actually passed the ball to my oponents.. -_-" dinner is at the zi cha outside school.. and so the day ends with sores and pains all over.. i must start to train up!!!
*****
right now on kam's msn nick:
its easy for pple to spot ur not-so-frequent mistakes and remember how disappointed they are with u, but they fail to recall how much you've helped them go thru all their adversities.
good arent it? i think it speaks of alot people's feelings right now la.. but definately not mine! =P
DAMMIT!!!
I better go and watch happy birthday fast before anyone else reveals more of the details to me!!! Please all spoilers dun let me noe the details!! i wanna enjoy the show!!!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
F A I L
it suck to know that you are going to fail in something you are going to do. and whats worse? you still have to do it no matter what.
and i am talking about the napfa test tmr!!!
sians. pull up fail, 2.4 fail, broad jump fail!
some things cant be forced.. i will hand it to the government to help me pass them in the future.. hohoho!
and i am talking about the napfa test tmr!!!
sians. pull up fail, 2.4 fail, broad jump fail!
some things cant be forced.. i will hand it to the government to help me pass them in the future.. hohoho!
12 more days to...
Hao and ChUa has a daily updated count down at their nick for the days we have left at nyp.
its kind of a mixed feeling yea.. 3 years here in the campus going thru one of the phrase of my life that is supposedly to be the most wonderful one. i shant say that i have not enjoyed at all.. therefore theres a mixed feelings of love and hate here la..
well, every coin has it's two sides. theres happiness, then theres bound to be things that u dislike, am unhappy about. thats life! gotta live with it!
cherish the last 12 days yea! too many things is happening and i cant control all of them.. jus hope that every thing will turn out well!
its kind of a mixed feeling yea.. 3 years here in the campus going thru one of the phrase of my life that is supposedly to be the most wonderful one. i shant say that i have not enjoyed at all.. therefore theres a mixed feelings of love and hate here la..
well, every coin has it's two sides. theres happiness, then theres bound to be things that u dislike, am unhappy about. thats life! gotta live with it!
cherish the last 12 days yea! too many things is happening and i cant control all of them.. jus hope that every thing will turn out well!
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