two weeks of holidays coming to an end soon.. has been going to my uncle's shop to help out.. still..

kinda looking forward to sch reopening.. cos i geto see peeps like herry,jess, minzhen and ser ser they all.. after more than 6 months of not in the same class.. haha.. and also after two weeks break i will get to see peeps like jessica,cheryl,peisin,cindy,yh,ben,jyz ,yy,chia,ling,zb and all from tep! haahhaas.. but then that means i will also see some other people.. so.. must take it in stride! haha.. so that it wont affect me much.. ahhaas..

c u guys back in sch!

###

things have changed.. a lil bit after i told U how i felt.. but i still feel lucky tht we still talk like usual.. jus that u no longer initiates conversations.. hope everything will be back to wad it was!

Father: 你说！说！为什么你要偷auntie的钱！是不是要买Pokemon card? 讲！买这样多这种card来干吗！

Jerry: 我没有买Pokemon card！我只是。。想买你一个小时的时间来看我的演出。。

###

too many things in life.. some important.. some is not.. y willa primary school kid say such a thing? issit cos the parent put something else on a higher priority instead of him, when it should be another way round?

我的心有一点抽痛。。但至少没遗憾了，不是吗？

###

原来心酸比心痛难受
茫然的走到了门口
倔强还是念旧
我听见我回头说
你们要快乐要天长地久
你们没有错爱是自由
走出这扇门后至少我还有辽阔
你们要快乐要紧紧牵手
你们不幸福我会难过
成全最爱的人不是为了看着她寂寞

###

sighs.

i think i got enough.

y must u make me feel so annoyed and vexed?

i wanna run away...

I've been asked to do this quiz..haha..so i shall obliged and do it before i update abt today...hahaha..=))

21 People
Can you name 21 people you can think of right of the top of your head?Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.*This is a lot funnier if you actually list the names first. No cheating, duhhh!*

1. Gary
2. Huishan
3. Jennifer
4. Michelle
5. Mabel
6. Yonghui
7. Jessica
8. Yuyan
9. Cheryl
10. Jorcelyn
11. Angelia
12. Herry
13. Kailing
14. Shaune
15. Serser
16. Rena
17. Weihao
18. Kang An
19. Serene
20.Jieying
21. Zibin

The Questions:

How did you meet 10?
Miss Chia. Met in TEP. my supervisor at MSC!

What would you do if you had never met 6?
Yonghui. from IM.. complicated.. maybe i wud lead a more miserable life.. hahas=)

What would you do if 19 and 15 dated?
Serene and Serser. LMAO* tt will not be possible. i think. haha!

Have you ever seen 13 cry?
Kailing. No.

Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?
Michelle and Herry. erm. no? cos my herry is already hapilly attached to his dear jessamine! hahahaha..=x

Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?
Gary and Huishan?rofl.... nono cos gary is also happily attached to his dear!!=x

What is number 3's best quality?
Jenn. listening and giving good advices!=D

Desbribe 8:
Miss Cai. "Strong" bubbly gal! Full of lame jokes and fun to be with!=D

Do you like 12?
Herry. yeah~! herry is the love of my life!!! ..hahah~

Do you think 15 is attractive?
Serser. Definately! you will find ur white horse prince soon! ;)

Tell me something about 17?
Weihao. very friendly, creative, we go to the same saloon, we are room mates, we are both fat!! hhahaah~

What's 7's favorite color?
Jessica. i hope i dun get this wrong. its blue..haha~

What would you do if 1 just confessed he/she liked you?
Gary. LOL....we are best bros k!!! :p

When was the last time you talked to number 19?
Serene. two days ago when i tot she is in schand wanted to ask her if she wanna meet lunch.

Who is 21 going out with?
Zibin. no one i think....=x hahah~

What grade is 16 in?
Rena. she is same class as me!! my nu er!! =x

What is 5's favorite music?
Mabel. hahaha..lots. mostly Jay's =)

Would you ever date 11?
Angelia. y nt if i have chance? lol..

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 2?
Huishan. DUH~?! we buddy buddy ok!

Where does 18 live?
Kang An. CCK..=p

What do you think about 20?
Jieyingz. Nice girl. quite quiet at times, but can be crazy too! lol... we talk alot..

What is the best thing about 2?
Huishan. talking to me and listen tome complaint.=D

What would you like to tell 9 right now?
Cheryl. xiao yao jing! hahaha...=x

How did you meet 15?
Serser. class mates since yr 2.=)

Are you going to know 1 forever?
Gary. DUH!tat goes without saying!

Copy and do one now!

awe.. one week holiday liao.. but havent rested alot.. went to uncle's shop to help out.. therefore i havent feel the effect of the post-tep-syndrome. miss the peeps there alot!!! hehe.. all the fun we had.. anw this week at shop also ate alot! some times 2 bowl of rice.. i think i am going fatter and fatter... bad to worse!! must control ar!! hahas..

bored recently.. always wanted to go online but my mother keeps on nagging and nagging that i goes online too often.. but wads the point of leaving it there not to use? moreover its holiday.. sianz..

just home! went to orchard to meet up my aunt and cousin for a swenson feast! its my aunt's birthday so its her treat.. thanks hor!!!

anw, today we all learnt something.. that is.. SWENSON AT ORCHARD IS MORE EX THAN AT OTHER OUTLETS!!! and its not jus one two bucks hor.. quite a lot can haha.. we ate quite alot! fish and chips.. grilled salmon thing.. steak.. baked rice.. ice cream.. and one new stuff that i have never tried before and strongly recommanded by them.. the banana crumbler!! so nice!!! wahlao.. now think already also can mouth water.. hahas!

You're a Wild Drunk

You can get enough drink. Seriously, you'll just go puke and start pounding them back again!

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

You Are An Intro-Extrovert!

Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.

Are You An Extrovert or Introvert?

STARS of tep part II~*

zibin n kailing: buddies of ardc with me. went out to christmas lighting, exchange present, all the site visits and lotsa more activities! two good people who always remembers me.. love you two~!
shaune: hao ren. thru out ardc first few weeks was like only talking to her when ser ser is making fun of her and i join in. but after that found out she is really some one very nice and easy to talk to. during my final times at fsrc we really xiang yi wei ming.. cos alot of di ren ard us. haha...
debbie: last time when i was yr 1 she got online my class before.. but dat time never talked to her before for one whole sem. but at tep found out that she is a nice gal.. and part of our $2 breakfast gang! (kailing zibin me and deb)

#not in pic:
Mr Steven Lee.
very good guy who is my lecturer at ardc. guides me alot and a good mentor. had fun and many meaningful talks together!

Yonghui: this guy don't knw me after 9 weeks at ardc. initial stages a very cool guy. talk LITTLE and its really very little. then gradually opens up alot. a gd buddy in tep! been thru thick and thin together and also SOMETIMES quite take care of me ba hahas!
Jessica: my best jie mei. a friend special in my heart cos she fulfilled my years long dream of celebrating my bdae with a cake in sch. haha.. i will never forget..
Cheryl: heys some one who is tall and i am taller.. (only we will noe wad this means) hahas..
#note: we are the fantastic 4!

Jieying: heys.. first generation ops. very friendly and we talked alot! remembered my birthday nt like someone. haha.. and really a good girl.. all the time trying to pull me back together with some "friends".. haha.. but well somethings jus cant mian qiang one la haha..

Peisin: hardcore SHE and HIM artist fan. very da jie da to us.. hahas.. yay~
Cindy: heys cindy is a quite girl in the beginning.. but after that we all became chatty.. a good listener to me..

Ben: like me has a bad temper and like to attitude.. hahas.. jus like me!!!

#not in pic:
Miss Cai: a good mentor to me who has talked some sense into me sometimes.. and also another one who always give me good makan! ahhaas.. one of the first few i bonded with in my MSC days.. and i am going to miss those days!
Miss Chia: lolx we all do finance with hasanah and cindy.. i miss those days! those lunch.. those fun we all had..

Angelia: got to noe her during open house.. and i remembered her cos of her hp number XXXX5566! a nice girl i would not forget.. and also she is i think the only one who does not think i walks too fast. i will miss the cam-whoring days! miss ya!

Tat wee, Rachel, Erica, Janet: nice people! cheryl's friend.. and cheryl always pang seh us for them haha.. so later we decided to all mix together!!

#not in pics
Cheers people: people like kian how huixiang constance aiqing shaun and the rest! rrhahas.. one thing bout my terrible last stop is that there is too much free time and cheers is growing to be like my second home.. will miss those talking with kh and others.. and my lo mai kai!!

Keemeng: the batch of IM after me.. crazy guy who is very gay and go around love biting people.. and sadly i am one of his victim.. haha.. but dun siao siao leh he cycle for singapore one hor haha.

Joseph: "father" of IM. hahas. we all noe y. a easy to chat with guy!

Sihui: i miss eating instant noodle with u at the place where we are not suppose to! hahas

Shiyun: nice girl who will chat with me at lifestyle.. cos we are direct neighbours! in the same room! haha..
Pebble: you love swee heng!!!! haha.. pebble always go hyper when i brings swee heng to school for her.. and her piano is fantastic.. all the pop songs she listen a few times can play liaos. clever rite?

Christina and Christine: known from IM days.. i am in qiubing's possession while christine is mei ya.. the mother of shinchan(which is me).. arrghh complicated.. hahas

*****

sorry if i missed out anyone.. but all of you that i have known made an impact in me.. maybe soon we will lose contact.. but we all also noe that we will never forget these days that we have gone thru.. rite?
=)

ok i am just home! today was a eventful day.. went to GARY's house for the dinner for his birthday.. advance celebration wor~~

reached ard 4 plus and i am late!!! luckily his parents not home yet and no one noe i was late except him and his girl.. haa~ then watched tv and ate biscuits.. lazed ard like no one's business laa.. cos we all so close liao.. haha.. even his parents ard i also like that de.. then we talk talk.. until near to six when his parents came home. then rested a while then his uncle's family also came and we proceeded to the zi char place to eat. yummy~!

talked alot. crapped alot. as usual. also crapped with his cousin, chatted with his parents and aunt and uncle. cos last time he stays nex door to me only.. and his cousin always stay at his home.. so we all sort of like all noe each other one la. so its really like at my own home like that. hahas

then today the reason i am there is also its the first time he is bringing his gf back home. and i am there!!! got a bit gan dong.. cos we are grow up tog one.. and to see each other grew up is like.. "wah.. time flies.. so many yrs liao.." this feeling.. and the fact that i am the only friend there with the family, i noe that my weight to him is equal to that of him in me. ( meaning i am also a important friend of his, jus like he is to me) its like.. meet the parent got a special meaning.. and he hopes that i am there.. haha.. i am so touched can!

i feel so very the fortunate that i have a buddy like gary. i was never sad thou i have only one. cos its already enough. cos when i am lost, i noe who i can go to. i still love my other friends!

dedicates this to ma dearest GARy!!!

###
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself or herself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his or her address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk to you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!
###

last day at TEP.

nothing much happening at fsrc. also no people org farewell. morn time was like wondering ard and ate swee heng with pebble and co. they really like the cakes la! haha..

went ard sharing the cake.. i was actually quite sad. like now, all of us are so bonded. i noe where i can go to find who. yonghui and miss cai at IM. Ben at OPs. ms chia at 309. serene at eldc. ser ser at small room. sighs. but all these ends today - the end of my tep.

ben doesnt understand why i am so sad.. to be frank i couldnt really mix well with my class.. only a few i can talk to. thats why when i came to tep and am pampered like hell, i couldnt think of wad life would be like without those pals at tep.

i will miss those days. the days at ARDC and IM.

Featuring...

my STARS of tep.. gr8 people that i have knew here!

Evonne n Jamie: nice girls that i met at ardc.. i will miss the fun gaming with jamie and the shaker fries times with evonne..

Serene: alot of fun with her.. even after ardc.. and the fun continues to her aldc times.. when we were both at level 4.. all the crapping and eating and everything!!!

Zahidah: a gal from my sec school.. but we dunno each other before ardc.. maybe noe the existance of each other la.. thats y can recognise each other.
Siew Chun: fun loving gal!! equally crazy like me.. haha! we talk alot and crap alot.. she is also the buddy of candise!
Xuehui: woo.. mature gal.. also my talking khaki at ardc..
*the above 3 are actually DBI students.. thats y they are only here for a short time.. but the are gr8 friends!

Lijia: since last time noe her this person liao cos of mingsiang.. but last time i tot she is tao tao one.. cos exam time we study at the library too noisy.. she will tiao us one.. haha.. but fact is she turned out to be someone more pleasant. very chat-able and friendly..

*- end of part one due to blogger server hang. to be continued.. people not featured yet dun panic. -*

Pebble is so clever!
she plays piano so well!

wah.. when i hear her play "feng" i sososo surprised.. but she did played well!!

to thank her for the nice piano.. i shall bring swee heng to our fsrc room tml.

*pebble jumping ard in joy

###

Pebble says:

sometimes
people say
the people who appear the happiest
are actually the ones who need more love and care

###

woo yesterday i watched the show 15. Singapore production. and the director is Roysten Tan.

well its a pretty vulgar show. but the topic is about 15yo ah bengs leh so i think it fits the theme well. haha.. FYI, one of the main cast Shaun is from my secondary sch. when i was sec one he got stare at me in the tuckshop before. haa! long long ago history liao..

seeing this show brings back alot of memories.. cos like the show last time my sec sch is really like that one. gang fights, gang cheers. sudden alot of bengs gathers.. i can still remember some of those cheers that i used to hear all the time.. several scenes in the show thats kinda gross, like the parts of piercing and drug trafficking by swallowing it. but some how see the show liao also abit sad.. esp there are parts where they talked about their future. its like.. "all i can see is only darkness ahead of me.. wads the use of thinking so much?"

are we really given a chance to replent the mistakes we made?
are they given one?

a show about brotherhood love, loyalty and gang life.

see the brothers share life and death.
see the brothers in a show of their real life.

“感动”难以说明，它是一种很微妙的感觉。

人生就像坐公车一样。
不同的驿站就代表着我们人生不同的阶段。
而在不同驿站上车、下车的人，
就是我们在这一生中不同时候、不同阶段
所结识并分享经历的朋友。

但是，
谁都不能保证谁会陪谁走到最后,
更不能保证谁不会先下车，从此离去。
是朋友也好，是情人也罢，
只要是能遇上能够分享旅程的有缘人，
就是一种 “ blessing ”。
而这 “ blessing ”，
是绝对可欲不可求的。

oh my gawd~! i saw them on the mags and i think i want them!!!

maybe no one will noe wad sesame street means to me.. cos its my only entertainment when i was a kid.. accompanied me thru many lonely hours and taught me ABC.. *hahas!

childish but its me! muahahaha..

awe.. thats so sweet of angi to leave this message at my com today when i was away.. but.. y this pic instead one of mine? issit cos we look alike???

*pukes

okok.. i got it.. =X

i think i am going to be cooked soon.. in the FSRC room.. cos they simply dun let me switch on the aircon!!!

-__-

like so hot can. for some moments i tot i am in a sauna, for some moments i tot i was suffocating.. cos there is just no windows in the room for ventilation! ok, the supervisors please dun blame me if i am away from the room. maybe i was some where out there "running away from the heat". Lolz. Maybe pebble is rite that i am born in egypt in my previous life. cos i simply cant stand it if its too heaty and suffocating! if its like in the sun natural heat then its ok. but if the heat is from no-moving-air-no-ventilation-suffocating then it nono for me.. haa~!

**fotos cant be uploaded.. so wait for them in the next post! =)

also, the time table is out today. no sch for fridays~! *yays
everyone is running here and there.. announcing the releasing of the timetable and compairing it.. and i got one lecture that is same with jieying, kailing, shaune and some more.. so nice to be able to meet them again in classical!

the lecturer for this module is simon leong.. the one who taught us before when we were yr 1.. i still remember that time, after teaching us for one sem at the last lesson, he suddenly commented that me and sammy look alike.. like brothers.. well, i think now no longer liao cos i grew even fatter. haa! so, its good to have familiar faces to look forward to!

>> am having mixed feelings. shd i look forward to the starting of classical lessons? actually i wasn't really.. i rather hoped there will be more of tep. cos times here are definately betteR! better working partners, better friends, everyone cared about me.. how i feel and wad i really wants. its really some thing i don't really experience while i am in class. for the pass six months alot of things happened.. lost u and u. and maybe alot more unknowingly. have a talk with peisin and jessica over lunch, and i have came to a conclusion: instead of complaining more i shd cherish the present! =)

today's a tough day! haha.. went to cck cemetry to pray to my great grand ma and my grand father.. in the morn then uncle came and pick us up to meet up at grandma's place, and as usual someone's late. =)

nothing unusual. so everyone also doesnt want to say much already. haha. luckily this yr it doesnt rain when we were praying. otherwise we will all be drenched! but but! i dunch noe y all my cousins who were with me in the sun are tanned but i am not! so angry!! haha!

but anyways, every year i would always look forward to this qing ming jie. cos not only its a time for the family to gathers, its also a time we all go visit and pay respect to our ancestors.

erm.. got something i wanted to blog one.. sudden mind blanks and i forgot.. hahas! wil write more when i remembers wad i wanted to say.. hha..

now i really noe wads short term memory! (names changed to protect person involved)

[kel] says:
eh nex week k lunch cfm nt huh?

f**king phone. says:
OKAY!

f**king phone. says:
ON AR!!

f**king phone. says:
HAHA

[kel] says:
then the 4 of us can have fun!!

f**king phone. says:
4?

f**king phone. says:
me, you, Z?

[kel] says:
haha u want to exclude C ar? haha.. ok with me too lol

f**king phone. says:
ohh i forgot about him

f**king phone. says:
lol

[kel] says:
....

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! English 92% Theater 83% Linguistics 75% Art 75% Journalism 75% Philosophy 67% Sociology 67% Mathematics 67% Dance 58% Biology 58% Anthropology 58% Engineering 50% Chemistry 33% Psychology 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

convinced? i am not GAY!

To test your percentage, here you go…

today it rained.. just like yesterday.. but i still don't feel and cool wind on me!! instead its just humid and the oily feel.. (yuck!) after breakfast at 11 i stayed at shopping arcade and chatted with lijia and kailing.. havent chat properly with kailing for donkey months!

**kel and kailing at fusion.. thanks to fusion for lending the digi cam!

then after that we had lunch woth serene, kang an and chang da at mac. and i cant believe wad good deals we got! free lunch!!! mac is giving free beef fantastic with every meal cos they sold one million of it!! i nearly cant believe my eyes.. haha.. but i still got it! yummy!

**our feast!! note the number of free fan-tastics!

忘了过去一切的不快，或许我会活得更释怀。若不是好友，至少打打招呼，谈谈天，也总好过每天想着要如何讨厌这个人。还有两个，还有可能吗？

another nice post quoted from someone.. heart warming.. its kinda long so be patient and read!

***

Sibling Love



When I was born, everyone doted on me.

I was (and still am) my parents' first child.

I was my paternal grandparents' first grandchild.

I was a large, bubbly and gurgling baby (ok I made this up - how would I know?!), and although I was a handful, I also made my parents' day.

But.

Being a first child meant I was a guinea pig to my parents' parenting skills to.

Nonetheless, I was the gem of the family (very likely it was because there was no one else for the family to coo over).

I basked in the attention for 4 years.

When I learnt to walk, almost daily, my Ye Ye would go over to my place at Tampines and bring me kiddy-riding.

You know, those rides (kok-kok-beh) that move forward and back while the irritating children songs played repetitively after you slotted in 20c (now is $1).

For those who know where Tampines Blk 201 is, you would know it's somehow a circular concept. My Ye Ye would let me sit on each and every kiddy ride we went past, and after we complete the cycle (say clockwise), he would let me sit again, now anti-clockwise.

My mama would dressed me in the cutest dresses (yes I wore dresses back then) and parade me proudly.

My daddy would fly me up into the air and tickle me (irritatingly) with his stubble.

My aunts would coo over me and buy me toys.

Even strangers would ask to take photos with me.

When I was 4 years old, just started nursery, my mama would go with me on the school bus, giving me 濱濱米果, which I grew to love, even till now.

Yes. I was given THAT kind of attention.

So naturally, I grew into a little brat, and thought that such princessy treatment would last forever.

Good things don't last, do they?

When I was 4 years old, one stormy night, my Ah Ma and cousin came over to stay with me. I didn't know what happened, only that my mama (completed with her big tummy) and daddy went out, but I was quite contented because I was (surprisingly) allowed to play TV games all night long, when usually I wasn't supposed to.

Little did I know, what was to happen over the next few days would change my life forever.

My mama came home with a screaming bundle - my new didi.

I have recollections of going to this orangey-lit clinic with my parents, but for what I didn't know.

I was too young to understand anyway.

From then on, everything changed.

Although to be fair, my parents still treated me the same, but they were also very busy with the new baby.

Everyone who came over cooed at the baby.

I wouldn't say I was neglected, since I cannot really remember anyway, but I know, because of this new addition to the family, caused much anguish to me in the coming years.

While we both grew up, my immense dislike for Didi increased at an alarming rate. Even when I was 5 years old, I had plans to "flush him down the toilet".

I intentionally did things to divert attention to myself.

I poked him, I beat him, I pinched him, I made him cry, I did everything.

Only to have things backfire on me time and time again.

The more I did, the more people showered attention on poor innocent lil' Didi.

The more I did, the more I got scolded, the more Didi get cooed over.

The sibling rivalry grew more and more intensified when Didi started school.

Each time I made him cry, my mama would cane me. While I was howling away, Didi would stand in a corner, widen his teary super big eyes, and ask innocently, "Mama.. why you beat Jiejie?" *big angelic eyes*

Which only set out to make me feel even more hatred towards him, to the extent I started hatching little plans to hurt him.

I did so many things to him I cannot remember, but the one incident that really made me scared, was the time I shoved him intentionally against this rather short rosewood cabinet, about Didi's height.

Didi knocked against the corner of the cabinet, and his eye started bleeding.

Mama and Ah Ma rushed him to the doctor (not before scolding me, of course), and the doctor said if it was 1cm nearer, he would have gone blind.

I was so scared and guilty, I cannot even begin describe it now. (Even now, each time I see the scar on his eyelid, I feel immense guilt.)

I don't think I need to explain what happened to me after my parents came home, even though they were consoled by the doctor that everything was fine.

I was guilty, but I was also angry that Didi got more attention than ever, with my parents blatantly showing that they were protecting him from me.

There was also this time when Didi was about 6 years old I think, and he scolded me with a chao cheebye. I duly shouted and complained to my mama, who didn't believe a word I said. (He learnt it earlier during the day, when my Ah Ma shouted that at my house.)

I got scolded again for "lying", because no one believed the angelic boy would do such a thing. Indignant, maligned, angry, I carried out my "revenge" again - whacking him till he cried, which served no purpose because I got caned, yet again.

Throughout the whole of primary school, I kept my distance from him, and I had a totally rocky relationship with my parents.

Each time I whacked him, he would go cry to my mama, who would in turn cane me, and she would start going hysterical and quarrel with my daddy 'cos of me, and the next day she would yell at me and said it was my fault that I caused them to quarrel, and if they were to divorce she would definitely bring Didi with her and go away. I would feel so scared and beg her to stay. The vicious cycle repeats.

I was constantly threatened by her, that she would bring Didi instead of me. That caused my paranoia and insecurity, which stayed on with me even till now, and it finally took its toll on my latest relationship.

My insecurity was largely caused by the mindset that, even my mother don't want me, who else is obliged to want me? And I managed to convince and brainwash myself that ultimately everyone would leave me because I was a bad girl and I was not good enough for anyone (thus succeeding in pushing my ex away from me too).

In a bid to get my parents' attention back again, I did things to get attention. Attention I did get - but all the wrong ones.

I stole. I let my school work slip. I kicked my friend in the stomach. I further beat up Didi at every chance I got.

All that angst in a primary school girl.

I was from EM1, and back then, it was a big thing to be in the EM1 stream.

But my PSLE was only 239. The second lowest in my class.

Because I had slacked, and in the end, I wasn't able to catch up.

I knew my parents were disappointed. I have failed them yet again.

On the other hand, Didi excelled in school every year.

He was in a respectable school. He was a school prefect. He was first in class every year. He was first in level every year. He was awarded all sorts of book prizes. His report book always reflected good comments from teachers. His results was always perfect.

All of which, all the more contrasted the "failure" I was.

Needless to say, I grew repulsive to him even more.

*
*
*

It was until he started Sec 3, when somehow he changed.

By then, I had also started my Poly Year 3.

Somehow, we started to see eye to eye.

In the past, all the comments I gave him, he would retort that he thought my comments were useless.

But one fine day, I found a bottle of deodorant on his table, after years of telling him boys need deodorant 'cos they generally stink, and girls don't like stinky boys.

And slowly, I began to realise he really did take my opinions into consideration, though he did so quietly.

Which really touched me. Really.

If you are so patient as to have continued reading up till now, you must be wondering what sparked off such an entry.

Ironically, it was a very very small thing that unlocked the gate of emotions within me.

Just before dinner, Didi and I went to have our spectacles made.

He was choosing his frames, I was choosing mine.

The optician took out a few frames for him, and I kept throwing my opinions at him, while my mama kept telling me to shut up and let him choose.

Each time he chose a frame which he thought was OK, I told him what I didn't like about it.

Until I saw this pair of Levis frames and asked him to try it on.

Instantly, I told him it was the nicest, and it really suited him. I had expected him to say "SIAO. Branded leh!" and put it back.

Didi was never one to go crazy about brands (he is price conscious like an aunty).

He totally threw me off the orbit when he grinned loonily at himself in the mirror and said, "Yah. Nice. Ok lor. I take this one."

The optician gawked and said hesitatingly, "Erm.. this one really new arrival leh. Arrived last night only. Total would be $240 leh. You sure?"

He grinned again and said cheekily, "Yah. My mama will pay." and proceeded to check his eyes and all. (I chose a maroon frame from Levis too. Teehee.) And, I stress once again, is totally surprising because Didi was ALWAYS very anal about money, and he never fails to chastise me whenever I spent on things.

That's all. That's what made me so emotional. I was thinking about it in the shower and I burst into tears. It's like my brother actually (and finally) values my opinions.

I feel warm and fuzzy.

And I mentioned how he would always somehow cause me to be scolded or caned by my mama right? (One fine day he even learnt the fucked up way of causing me to be scolded - like when I knock into him purely accidentally, he burst into tears and say I beat him.)

Now we both gang up against our parents. Damn funny that boy.

Just now in the shower, when I thought of the fact that he would be enlisting soon, I burst into tears. (At this point Weili would say I 感情泛滥 again.)

I'm really really glad that now, we are finally on good terms.

(But I just hope he can stop being so fucking stingy - borrow $20 also kaobei me whole day and night.)



I love Didi =)

thanks to my jiemei jessica and buddy angelia for tagging! haha.. anw, serene so poor thing! lost her hp.. right in front of our eyes!! dun brood over it already k?? =)

anw cos of her hp lost i accompany her to the police station to make a report.. hhaa.. first time i went to a police station..

but anyways, today is the start of the orientation for school of IT.. in the morn when i come, there are tonnes of people at the atrium. queueing.. so very reminds me of that time when i was a freshie first into nyp! bu zhi bu jue i am going to be year 3 in jus matters of weeks! so much have been gone thru in nyp.. i lost alot of things.. lost precious times... lost "friends".. but after i came into attachments i do made a few of them whom i can talk to one la.. so.. i just have to be more positive and brave through the rest of my one year here! going to be back to lessons already.. a bit 手足无措。我有一点不知道要用怎么样的态度和反映面对他们。 船到桥头自然直吧.. 反正该来的就会来，躲也躲不了！

i got myself a new skin! and also a new tag board.. hhaha the old one too difficult to use already always hang.. so please leave comments now! haha..

jus now after i posted the previous post.. i emailed the author of the quotes and he replied! haha.. i was quite surprised and happy at the same time.. the thrill of knowing wad u have said is heard.. lol.. and being someone who is busy he still takes time to reply to someone whom he doesnt even noe! quite sad huh.. cos maybe some that i tot i am close with doesnt even listens.. but anw thanks to junli for replying! hee..

again i see this blog that the writer writes super nice articles!! cant help but really want to 引述 some parts here..

"最近的生活，寂寞多了一点。有时真的有好多话想跟一个人说，但是就是找不到那个人。也不知道这个人是谁。"

***

"有时候觉得自己就像是一个小丑。尽力地去帮一些朋友争取，烦恼，到头来，却发现他们只是表面地敷衍你，其实心里一点也不在意。

那你为什么不早说？这样我也不必浪费时间。

所以，帮人尽力就好。我也不想浪费时间了。这段友谊。。。好肤浅啊。"

***

" 真的那么难吗?

真的好感慨, 为什么自己总是与知心好友...擦身而过.

今天所将分享的一切...不是这几个星期所产生的想法. 一直以来, 都秉持着这些观念, 直到今天...才有空把它写出来.

从小，　我都想拥有两个好朋友．　一个是和我步入教堂的另一半，　我的新娘．　另一个是走在我身旁的好友，我的伴郎．

以 前, 我是一个很重情的人. 可是经过几段较令人失望的友谊与感情...自己也有点疲累了. 不是绝望，　而是．．．不想再次主动了．因为每次的结局．．．似乎都是一样的．好几段友谊与感情都是这样了. 曾经朝夕问候．．．曾经互相依靠．．．曾经的轰轰烈烈．．．曾经的长相私守．．．

那都是．．．曾经．

到最后，大家真的变成最熟悉的陌生人．好恐怖对不对？有时想起曾经与对方说的话，我很不经意地问我自己．．．那份感觉真的存在过吗？　怎么．．．我现在一点感觉也没有呢？我曾经那么深爱过她吗？怎么现在看见她握别人的手．．．自己一点感觉都没有呢？

经过这么多次的尝试, 我真的越来越容易选择放弃了.　你懂我的意思吗？　好想麻醉自己的知觉．．．有时真想做个机器人．．．理智地分析一切．．．

我想．．．人类都想保护自己把？　付出的越多，　要求越高．好多感情都是因为一点小事，　而闹得满城风雨吧？　到了那个阶段，重要的已经不是解决当时的问题．过期的感情，或许是早期的自私而造成的吧．

任何的感情, 都是最高风险的投资.

可是, 不投资感情...这一切的筹码...还有价值吗?

爱情．．．可是最锋利的武器．．．也可以是最滋润人心的一切．我想．．．我还是无私一点好吧．　"



***

this guy really writes quite well wor.. i learnt alot from his words.. seeing his blog is like reading a column.. and i am a frequent reader! haha.. =） share with me if u have any views!

last nite is the last episode of the campus superstar liao.. haha.. after catching it for 4 months it has came to an end.. still remember that time with ser ser, shaune and zibin go bishan see them at the initial stages.. haha..

at the end all of them cried.. cos it has came to an end and everyone will be going their own different ways.. even thou efforts will be made to maintain.. the feeling will slowly be different.. cos they wun be together so much already..

then after crying the finale.. they sang a happy song and all of them sang happily again..

well this is the pure and sincerity in the kids in them ba.. that makes these youths so jovial and special.. enjoying every moment in the things they are doing.. well some people says that they are too emotional and crying.. but i think its quite logical in this kind of shows lor.. youths like to make friends and they are very easily bonded in this kind of activities.. a group of them all with the same interest.. and when they proceed further down the competition they have to see their friends, one by one, being eliminated out of the competition.. thats very cruel.. and i think they are really strong to be able to take it so many stages.. haha..

remembered i was like that too... but i think i have passed that phrase already.. no longer got the drive to pursue my dreams so warmly.. i really missed those younger days.. maybe my life has a part to shape me to this stage also.. but i hope that one day i can find back the passion and drive in my life.. haha.. i feel so old when i see these energetic kids! and i am young too so i should have more drive!!! lol!

i am back! haha.. for the past one week its my block leave and i was away to china for exhibition! hehe..

and special thanks to..

father - for sponsoring the trip and giving me this exposure to the real international business world.
mother - for all the worrying bout me and make me feel loved.. haha!
sister - for finally realising my importance in home.. well even if its only when there is no one to throw rubbish.. haha..
anthony - for going through all the trouble for my air ticket! hehe =)
angelia, mabel, zibin, serene, weihao, ben - for remembering i am going and wished me bon voyage!

well alot of things happened during this trip and some wu liao people did made my day not very nice.. like the scary pig brain/liver/kidney steamboat and those wines and liquors those people try to stuff me with.. sighs.. really hate to help entertain those people but wad to do? lifes always doesnt have a choice.. but there are also the nice food and things to shop shop for me! quite enjoyed..

a lot of birthdays coming!
31-mar Angel
3-apr Michelle and Zul
17-apr Jenn
18-apr Gary

Happy birthday to u guys!