逃。#2

i have low credibility.

everyone choose to believe what some one else said of me. you choose to believe what someone else said of me but u forget, i am ur fren too. everyone of you has doubt on my credibility but no one talks to me abt it. no one has plans to clear it up.

yea yea. u guys must be saying i am a bastard yea, after what has happened. that i am heartless, unwilling to make any effort, that why some one can be present i cant. that i arent 'friend' enough.

why is it that no one choose to believe i am genuine busy and its not that i DO NOT want to go. i even brought that present to office. but with no destination for me to go to and no one picking up call, where do you guys want me to go?

why am i rushing and pushing myself to finish all the work in that limited time for? and for who?

had enough. didnt expect that not a single one have that lil faith in me.



and yes, they are my class mates. pals whom i spend 3 fucking years with. thru thick and thin and everything. but what did all these bring? it only turn out that they trust what someone else said of me. and that some heck cared.

i arent even angry, nor pissed off. i am jus...

lifes sad, that no one wants to know what i am thinking thru the person, but only thru my blog..

quotes: from h o z

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind…
If only you could heal my heart just one more time…

Even when I close my eyes,
There’s an image of your face…

And once again I come to realize…
You’re a loss I can’t replace…

說曹操曹操就到

as i was ranting a few posts back about how nyp is slow even in graduation.. i got the letter today re the graduation! and yes we have the graduation robe too! i can foresee.. 數百人同時在謀殺底片的壯觀場面...

anw, jus out with ling and binz.. havent met them for a long long time! had xin wang hk cafe and it arent that good la.. but we made up with all the chatting! strolled from heartland mall back home.. ha! the last time... we strolled home after our outing too.. maybe the next time, we can just meet up and stroll the whole day.. *i was jus joking..*

work is getting more intense this few days! deadline for submission of budget is coming but the mgt has so many things not fixed yet! and things getting messier.. -_- and i also become more slack sighs.. everything pls be well soon!!! i hope that work can be more smoothly la..

why? #3

i dunno...

when i told hao "forget it la"... it just pierced my heart.. that things have to come to this end..


thanks to hao for listening to me...

msn: k e l - 15sept, 1030am, bmtc 1 - who same slot???

wK says:
muahahahhaa
prepare to burn
in hell

thanks weikeong. for the comment haha!


EDIT:
weikeong posted something later on..

wah lau. it feels damn good to have come out of army. and see other people suffering
AHHAHA. sorry

-_-"


EDIT:

aiyah the only consolation you can have is that everyone has gone through it
and then you will, and can come out of it alive

ok. this makes me feel better. thanks wK!

It's here!

yeap the enlistment letter is here. nope did not get into police as i hoped. but yes i did get to enlist later. sept 15. but thinking ahead, arent that good huh cos that also means i ord later. -_-

erm, had a very mixed feeling when i got to know that the letter had finally arrived.. i wouldn't deny that there is a lil lil percentage in me that i actually felt a bit scared. but heys, thats a big uncertainty ahead yea! who would not? nervous!!!

anw, i will heed father's advise and start to work out so that i would not suffer when i go in.. i still have 4 more months! i hope i will be ready by then...

now playing: 我懷念的/北極星的眼淚

yes am listening this two songs. haha. i heart wo huai huai nian de!!!! its the best song is stef's latest album.

...我怀念的 是无话不说 我怀念的 是一起作梦 我怀念的 是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动 我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌 记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口 谁 记得 谁 忘了 我怀念的 是无言感动 我怀念的是绝对炽热 我怀念的 是你很激动 求我原谅抱得我都痛 我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着 记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥 谁爱得太自由谁过头太远了 谁要走我的心 谁忘了那就是承诺 谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我 谁让爱变沉重 谁忘了要给你温柔 我怀念的 我还有想要爱你的冲动我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌 记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口 我放手 我让座 假 洒脱 谁懂我多么不舍得 太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说


*****


was quite a old song. has been in my shuffle for quite some time but i tend to skip it most of the time cos i wanna listen to 楓, 專屬天使 and 我們小時候。recently, listened to this song again and felt that it is really not bad!

...当对的人 等不到对的时间 就在放放开手的瞬间 爱撕成两边

why? #2

actually, i cant find the logic why someone has to comment on the way i mend my blog. seriously.

Do not cross(the line).
我們井水不犯河水。

why?

from SP..

from NP..

AGAIN! again! how come nyp also so much more slower than all the other schools de? how come they have graduation robe and we dun have de!

sighs.. some may say whats the big deal its jus a graduation.. but to me i think it may be the last lap of my education le.. if thats the case then it does mean that its impt rite!

lets home some news of graduation come fast!!!

天使

每個女孩都是天使
當她落下第一滴淚時
上帝就收回她的翅膀
所以
世間的男孩都應該知道
當你面前的女孩
為你落下第一滴淚時
她已經為你放棄了整個天堂

An excrept.

an excrept from an email i get...

zzZzzZzzZZzzz..

sometimes, parents don't know that some small things they do will hurt their children: that look in their eyes, that small gesture they show, that phrase they say, the un-understanding that they showed.

ok case close! i dun want to go into the details cos i ddun wanna remember it.. haha..


now in office.. feeling damn bored.. cos once again i got nothing to do again.. hmm later jus got to go get lunch for those people thats having meeting... ciao~!

&*^(%&%$ %#&*^

super shits. i just found out that the show i wanna watch is R21. and that means i cant watch!!! whats worse? i dun think i can pass off... cos i jus cut my hair and i look like i am sec four now. wth!!! -_- wrong timing!

happy happy day.

today, i took half day leave off the morning and spend some time with my grandmother!! woohoo-! happy happy cos i have not spend time with her for a long time liao..

took her to the poly clinic for the regular check up.. some things not so right but i hope the blood test will bring good news.. also went to settle some misc stuff before we have lunch at kopitiam! kopi roti egg + fish soup with rice.. its a nice meal! i heart ah ma. LOL.

work is pretty smooth today too. abit busy, but i like that feeling! it beats having nothing to do and rot at my seat laa..

quotes: from Dorence

theres a chinese saying: dui ren huan xi, bei ren liu lei (smile at others, heartache behind smiles). Sometimes you wanna have someone share with your sorrows, but theres something else. Ego or something else. So everytime you have to hide the truth and pretend to be strong in the forefront. this builds up and finally you think of giving up everything you have. Your life, your soul and yourself.

zZzZzzZzz..

getting tired easily nowadays.. it must be something to do with the late nights. but its not that i don't want to sleep early, but rather, its difficult to get into sleep. things keep flowing into the mind especially in the nights.. and i starts to think alot.

nights always gives me the very comfortable feeling.. that i can just think.. of a lot of things.. its truly a very good time to be in deep thots.

anw, just home not long ago. went to the pasar malam with mum and sis.. its been long since i go there to munch on the foodie!!! cos for a long long time.. i had been too lazy to go and always get the rest to tapao for me.. haha! miss those days man.. when i was still much younger and will always go pasar malam.. to play those games and buy those snacks..

biz there arent good. theres one stretch of the pasar malam practically has no one at all. how is biz going to cont man.. and then slowly this pasar malam culture wil be gone forever.. hm.. sad sad. cos its something truely singaporean.. and theres less and less of things that truely singaporean liao..

confused.

sometimes.. i dun understand. why is it that i must think the way some people want me to? why is it that i cant dun like some people simply cos everyone else thinks he is ok? why is it that it is always me in the wrong jus cos i am the only one who is not "ok" with the rest?

i have my own thinking and my own perception of some people.

i need to give it a clear thot yea. this whole issue is taking up too much of my time. maybe its also a good chance that i can leave? since.. i cant really blend in.. why stay and make people sick of me?

roti john at s'goon garden.

my mum is kp-ing to my dad about how "bad" i am on the fone now. damns. i am irritated. some arguement/disagreement/quarrel/whatever-u-call-it broke out this morn before i left home. less of this kinda life pls.. i am already very tired.. and these are adding weight onto me.. =(

went to cut my hair, cos the prev experience was bad enough and my hair was is bad condition ever since. hair is now short! cos i decide to cut off those damaged part and let my healthy hair grow.. i hope i can get back the length before i get enlisted!!

also had lunch with hitsu and a slacking session at her house. lunch's at serangoon garden hawker centre, its not chomp chomp.. its the one slightly opp it.

was home by about evening, bathed and was too lazy to go over to grandma's place.. so i rotted at home. how good it is to have the whole house just to my self and i can get a moment of quietness to myself and only myself? but not all the time yea.. family is still important too haha.

ok! thats it! tmr then cont to blog. ^^

feelin down..

on some recaps first, wed was spent out to be with the cousins for aunt's birthday.. dinner at fish and co! was a great gathering as we usually only gathers at grandma's place. seldom an outing like this!

when we were really young.. we had all the time to play together.. to enjoy every moments of our lives.. but as we all grow, time seems to be not enough. it has to be divided amongst other people. like friends, colleagues and others.. i hope that in future, we all can spend more time together!

*****

today's weikeong and david's last day, and theres a farewell lunch at highlanders at clark quay.. foods nice but its ex too! i think that place's name is highlander or something? had fun and laughter there.. and also foto taking! had wanted to take some fotos with the friends there.. but it seem like they dun really take fotos de.. hmm hmm...

thou know dave and wk for only a short time but i will miss the slacking times and crapping times we all had laa! life's all about like this.. people come and people go.. but what's impt is that they left footprints rite?

*****

jus home from supper with hitsu. wanted to go cut hair, shop close le. wanted to go prata, shop close down le. MY FAV ATHAR IS NO LONGER IN EXISTENCE!!!!

sighs.. its quite saddening.. its THE prata shop that accompanied me thru my sec sch days.. a fav hang out me and sam always go.. the supper place for me and hitsu. and now, without warning, its gone and its forever. how to say leh? its a horrible feeling. something you are familiar with and never thought will be gone, is just gone. and you know it won't be back.

that feeling suck. i stood for like 20 seconds outside the closed athar and my mind is at a sudden lost.

sometimes, i think that we as human take things too for granted.. that we never thought that one day, things might be gone.. for this athar case, its not only the food that i miss, but the feelings that i have grew for it over the years. countless supper, that late lunch i had there after my chinese story telling competition, breakfasts there before the remedial classes on sats... and the list goes on. these are part of my memories that i will treasure alot!!!

another task on hand right now is to find another supper/gathering spot at serangoon area. -_-

repeated telecast.

( Post deleted by author )

*****

now playing: Richard Marx - Now and Forever

Whenever I'm weary
from the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
when my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you
seem to understand
Now and forever
I will be your FRIEND.

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
that heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and
every way I can
Now and forever
I will be your FRIEND.

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the time
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever
I will be your FRIEND.

Now and forever
I will be your FRIEND.

now playing: 曹格 - 背叛

雨 不停落下来
花 怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人 欣赏悲哀

爱 只剩下无奈
我 一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块 就不精采

紧紧相依的心如何
say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

心 有一句感慨
我 还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在



*****

常問自己，爲什麽我只能站在一旁看著他們快樂，而因而不快樂。這是我想要的嗎？因該不是吧，對於把朋友看得如此重的我。但爲何現實又不是如此？這些都是因我而起的嗎？我不會說我完全沒有責任，但 it takes two hands to clap.


原來事實就是如此。

dA: clear sky

天空是晴朗的。
心裏卻是陰霾的。

陰霾后的彩虹何時才會到來？

by ~tiberiunedelea

i'm still waiting..

i don't know.. it seems that the people who made me pissed dunno whats going on.. but wells, i can't blame them yea. i shall keep mum if no one brought up the matter anymore.

anw, had a conversation today with the other temp staffs today over lunch and teabreak. the topic somehow landed on "ghost stories".. from travelling experiences to ns stories we heard and some experience from them. OMG spooky ones from sue and dave! hmm that joss paper story.. i hope i will NEVER EVER gonna experience that!!

am really tired.. mentally.. i need a break! i wanna go siem reap/viet/bali/batam or those short trips thats not expensive!!! any takers?

hmm

its like coming to 5 am liao! tired.. thats of cos! but i dunno why i suddenly fel like going down to mcd to have their breakfast.. hha!

was supp to meet herry.. but in the end he's out of home late and so couldnt meet me as he has to meet jess. well well, first time he is back since he got enlist. but we did not meet. but anw, it was only like 4 or 5 days since he enlist? -_- thats the plus point for signing on laa... haha.. not like us.. chao recruit go in must 3 weeks then can come out.. but still, must find time to meet! maybe next week then.. gf more impt haha thats of cos! but i am VERY touched that herr msn me last nite when he is back.. =) smiley!!!

*****

last friday, i met up with Hao! yea consecutive two days lol. but this time round its for a specific reason. hao remembered i was craving for the frog leg porridge!!! and so we went.. awwweee i am so touched when i receive his sms asking me if i still crave and wanna meet for dinner not.. haha.. and so we went! also had some bbq chicken wings and its total yummy. plus shopping ard chinatown area.. and we also stopped by a booth at somewhere near temple street.. display of pictures of singapore in the older days.. photos of the old cathay building.. bugis street ah gua, old ck tangs, national theater.. and some other interesting places that too bad now has been torn down le... =(

there, we also met a 60+ y.o uncle who told us some stories of the older days.. interesting and informative! not a opportunity that comes by easy yea to know something not normally taught in classrooms... were there talking till like that boss sort of shoo us off!

in all, it was a great night spent. we talked alot, of people ard us, our future and sorts. hao even ask me why i dun wan to get a gf! well...

we gotta meet more hao! since office is so close.. haha...

*****

ok at the end of this post, ten mins later, i have decided not to go down to mcd.. maybe some cereals or noodles will do! but sighs.. thats damn harmful to my growing tummy! i wan it to go off soon!!

now playing: 光良 - 雨

冷冷的空气
湿红的眼眶里装满忧郁
默默的聆听
窗外这场大雨下个不停
伞下还有你的痕迹
勉强撑过这场雨
我却没有更多勇气
坚强过这一个雨季
单薄的伞下那是多么孤寂

听雨的声音像悲伤的歌曲
滂沱大雨竟如此的孤寂
我陪雨哭泣雨却还不肯停
寂寞的人才懂雨的心情
雨反复唱着熟悉旋律
用悲伤的情绪
听雨的声音仿佛谁在哭泣
倾盆大雨淋湿我们爱情
雨模糊记忆我忘记了冷静
是经历艰辛才走能到如今
这漫长的路还有多少泥泞

还没有晾干的外衣
闷在寂寞的房里
面对明天沉重的心
悬挂着伤感的水滴
你我的爱似乎等不到天晴
听雨的声音像难过的心情
我的泪飘进冷冷的雨里
雨何时才停伤何时能痊愈
而我何时才能够不再想你
积雨的感情终究还是分离
下着雨的天气
爱消失的气息
想念你的心情我淋着雨

bad luck with makan.

sighs. the curry puffs i bought for this morn breakfast turns out to be potato ones when what i wanted are the sardines ones... -_-

since tues, my lunches had been screwed. had the cheater not nice claypot rice on tues and the tasteless hong kong mee on wed. whats the irony? carina and david ordered food from the same store on both days and their food turns out to be nice. double -_-

i must make a good choice for today's lunch!!!!!

You know what?

You guys can go *&*##@!@#$%^&* for not picking up calls. Gosh what are handphones for! dammit.

You guys think it's plain fucking easy to support you pple all the way, I can tell you, it was a fucking emotional draining thing to do. But I still did it. I didn't do it for myself, I did it for you pple. You want to fucking ignore me because I pressured you, because I didn't make the choice that suited you, think of the pressure you yourselves have placed me into, which I placed aside.

Yea, maybe I was really too nice. Till the point that one of these days, you'll just see me snap.

Just look how many are willing to stand by me when I'm down at this moment. Just one person. And I wasn't even exactly close to that person.

Pissed.

yes i am pissed. don't ask me why. cos i dun even think those involved will know. so yea. its ok. jus let me be.

anw, happy birthday tEr!!!

edit: erm.. ok not so much pissed i think... i guess its more disappointment... =(

now playing: Hebe - She's The One

I was her
she was me
We were one
we were free

And if there's somebody calling me on
She's the one
If there's somebody calling me on
She's the one

We were young
we were wrong
We were fine all along
If there's somebody calling me on
She's the one

When you get to where you wanna go
And you know the things you wanna know
You're smiling

When you said what you wanna say
And you know the way you wanna play
You'll be so high you'll be flying

Though the sea will be strong
I know we'll carry on
Cos if there's somebody calling me on
She's the one

stop it. i say stop it.

what do you think i am? a robot?


so what if i wanna slack at home during the weekends? so what if i decide that i want to rot my weekends away? its MY weekend and i decides how i shd rest on my rest day after a week of work.


stop it. youre driving me up the wall.

dA: Sparks

Artist's Comments

"What's love, Daddy?"

"Sparks. That get to you. Always lovely at first, but what happens after is a cloud of smoke."

"Just like those fireworks?"

"Yeah, just like them son, just like them."

*****

from ~if-i-nvr-knew

a plead from me.

我好像從來沒求過你.. 沒有要求過什麽。

驟雨之後，真地會有彩虹嗎？曾幾何時，說“有”已經變成了一種自欺欺人，自我安慰，一個似乎永遠都不會實現可能。




不敢奢望些什麽，只希望，未來，我的路會好走一些... 不敢想象何時我會放棄，但至少現在的我，還能有那麽一點點的力氣繼續下去。

你知道，真實的我是怎樣的嗎？

難過與失望不斷升溫，做什麽都事與願違。



原來在你們面前，我從來都不曾是真實的我...

quotes: from Tokyo Juliet

通常會留下的人，都知道自己該何去何從。反而是那些拿不定主意的人，最後總是會離開。

quotes: from Chelle

A lost love cannot be recovered.
Same thing goes to a lost friendship cannot be recovered.
I thought time will heal the wound.
But i forget it will leave a scar...


*****

a day spent at home. on my own. i think sometimes.. i jus need times like this where i can get to enjoy that lil bit of tranquility that is needed? had some plans to go china town or catch a movie.. but in the end, called it off... was it due to my unwillingness to accept the fact that i am unable to find even one soul to go with me? most probably... i hate that feeling. but there arent much i can do about it yea.. they've got appts already... one simply jus dont reply... =(

*****

jus chatted with Jan!! she's currently having a break and travelling ard europe with her class mates.. will be going to austria, italy, france. and she is going to venice too!!! omg. a place where i hope i can go laa!!!! i hope one day i can have the chance to go to these places too.. hope that i can travel more to widen my visions... stay safe jan!

*****

now playing: 張惠妹 - 記得

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都累了
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑
怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由

谁还记得
爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

你真的覺得.. 我可以嗎？

因爲連我自己都覺得.. 我快不行了..

Happy Bdae Chelle!! (3/4/07)

woo~! dinner at sam's place. the best ramen on earth. would like to thank chelle for her generous treat!! sigh too bad i choose the wrong flavour for the cake.. but i really hope we all enjoyed that nite! i hope that next year.. next next yr.. and so on.. we all could stll be able to enjoy.. and i hope that one day.. that someone could join us back too..

Its Sat!!!

weekends here again... FINALLY! i think thats seriously what all working people are looking forward every week rite.. hha..

well, its good friday yesterday and my family went to Choa Chu Kang cemetry for qing ming festival praying.. wanted to take some pics to blog but in the end lost the kick to do so.. i reckon nex yr i wun be joining? cos of ns... hope that i can still go but maybe it arent matter to some anw.

*****

i freaking hate all people who dun reply sms, miss calls and such. i hope all their hps DROP INTO THE TOILET BOWL~~~!!!!!

*****

will i be part of the recalled memories of u guys? the tot of this is depressing...

*****

its saturday. weekend.

and i arent happy. whats wrong with me?

Lie down to look at the stars.

it was ONLY two hrs spent eating, jaywalking, talking abt this & that this & that, us sitting there keeping a lookout for those disturbing ants, u wanting to cross over e 'gate' (happily happily forgetting abt e security who appeared b4 us talking to others b4 that!) YET it was time HAPPILY WELL SPENT esp after e whole longggg dae at work..

uve said -> 'we dun need to haf too many ppl at a chalet to enjoy' & now i say -> 'we dun even need a chalet to b able to enjoy!' =))

this testi from xiu pretty much sum up what we did last nite.. a gathering out of the busy work schedules we all have yea.

now playing: 伍思凯 - 寂寞公路

说好和你一起流浪

失约的我独自飞翔

窗外景物不断的变换

提醒我背叛的心慌

说好不让你再流泪

迷惑的我不知是错是对

下雪街头独自的行走

握不住一杯温热的咖啡

new york dallas los angeles

寂寞公路每站都下雪

想念等候流逝的梦

寂寞公路每寸都伤痛

sunrise moomshake heartbreaker

寂寞公路每站都下雪

冷漠激情点烟的手

寂寞公路哪里是尽头

Damns!

wallaoz. i jus found out that i am the lowest paid temp staff there!! damns. Sue, the other temp got 7.6 while i am only paid 5.2!!!!! fucks la.. so much for having worked here before and being a poly grad. how much is experience worth seriously? and she even got OT pay!!!!

gee. but the place is really not bad laa... sighs. got used to this place le and then the environment is suitable for me...


the next time, i gotta seriously negotiate my pay!!!