"i can't believe you are not going."

thats all i heard after i told u i hurt my hand. u din even ask me if i was ok. u jus turned and walk away.

thats the reason i dont want to talk to you ok? regarding y i din talk to "d", please refer to my previous entry.

anw, on y i hurt my hand. i think i hurt during the frisbee game this afternoon. its a sort of games organised by sw peeps. and our group of ardc+bpos+mrc people got to play a game of frisbee. its the first time i play *gasp!* and its rather fun.. as usual like i play basketball i always panic when the ball/frisbee got into my hands.. as if they are bombs.. haha.. but the frisbee game this afternoon is realli fun i can say. hoped there is more but dun think so liao.. haha..

been a long time since i sweat.. and its really alot! loved the feeling.. realli missed it.. remember my sec school days when i wud still play bball with gary.. and also the daily jogging with bethia.. aw..

after sch went out to town for angi's birthday! got her a barney toy and a keychain with her name.. ate at friends @ cine..

now wat. i got pple telling me "if its ur birthday u also don't want to be alone rite?"

excuse me. fyi, i was sleeping at home for my birthday this yr. and you didnt sms to wish me. so to whoever said this, pls take note. u noe i hate it when pple like to criticise others but they didnt want to look at their own actions.

its not that i dont want to make it an event and be a selfish friend who just want to take but not give. but everything is so unorganised. when i on my way home after a hard day of tep and u want me to alight bus and go town? everything must organise mah. we are not the worm in each other;s body and we dont noe wad each other is thinking.

sigh.. so bad luck.. cos of watching a taiwan drama in school i got framed for "encoding it wih password that even the administrator cant delete it". siao. jus cos my admin number is there means i do one? excuse me lor.. the school system how sucks is evry1 know one lo. always ask me log out. then some one else come and do how i do my project? supply us with more computers la!

taken from zaobao.com written by one of my favourite authors. his articles often can make me feel the same.. dated 9 nov 05.

*to view please encode to unicode*

主动被动 ● 吴庆康

有时候约朋友会约到有点不是味道，不是有工作，就是在国外，要不然就是已经被别人约去。

最“气馁”的是，总是自己主动约人，朋友几乎从来没有约过我。

啊，为什么总是我那么主动，别人那么被动？是因为性格？还是因为习惯？是因为不觉得有需要？还是因为有别人更重要？

我不是计较，只是认为不论是朋友也好，亲戚也好，同事也好，只要是有“你和我”双方存在的一种关系，双方的交往应该是双向，而不是完全主动或完全被动的。

其实我已经很久很久没有因为朋友而发牢骚，不是没有牢骚，只是近年情绪稍微控制得好，学会了以更宽容更大量的态度对朋友，尤其是当自己也减少了花在朋友身上的时间以后，真的觉得没有谁会真正亏欠谁，一切都是自然而然发展，纵使有牢骚，也学着收起，然后淡忘。

但这不表示我对朋友已经没有要求，因为基本上我依然还是“我的朋友我的同学我最爱的一切”的那个人。

我需要的不只是那个当我的电脑出事马上会飞奔过来为我解决问题的朋友。我需要的也不只是那个只有在重大场合才会碰到面的朋友。我需要的更不是那个只有在我打电话发简讯过去后才来问我最近怎么样的朋友。

我觉得我需要的是一个时不时可以主动表示对我的关心的朋友，就像我常常主动问候朋友一样。这样的要求可能已经算很多，但事实上是，我对某些事情在某种程度上依然相当传统，还没有习惯只能通过网上日记的方式知道朋友的动向，了解朋友的心情。

因为很多事情还是需要看得见摸得到，而不仅是感觉得到而已。

我完全不介意全权主动表示对一些在乎的人的关心，但当对方从来没有主动过，时间一久，我难免会开始质疑自己的主动是否过分，别人是否需要，然后开始怀疑和猜测对方怎么想，考虑是否需要自我检讨，还别人一些空间。

这让我想起一些想得太多的人，在过年过节的时候，亲戚的关心问候往往会被视为八卦。而当这种情绪不断延续，以致有一天亲戚为了“避嫌”再也不主动的时候，另一方又开始猜测怎么别人那么久都不与自家联络，是不是对方不再关心，或是感情是否已经终结。我们是不是都想太多了，当我们主动表示关心，为什么不能够是真的关心？为何需要担心对方会否怀疑自己是否有不良动机？

原本很简单的事，有时候会因为这种主动被动的关系而变得复杂，而最遗憾的是，当你发觉了，认为需要弥补了，往往已经太迟。

当然，有些人天生被动，有些人坚决认为关心不需要挂在嘴边，只要常在心里头挂念，也就是有心。但如果在不需要花太多劲的情况下主动一下表现你的在乎，把关系变得更融洽，为什么不？

就算是做爱，也没有理由一个人永远主动，另一个人永远被动那么单向交通吧？

我承认我对友情仍然相当饥渴，不过当我主动到连自己都觉得饥渴得过分的时候，我会有种不如渴死算了的冲动。

Some lyrics that has made an impact to my life... meaningful words that have accompanied me thru happy and tough times..
*to c pls encode to unicode..*

~石康军 》 黑夜过后
曲:石康军词:李曈

我是说真的 你如果累了
别犹豫随时都 能来找我
我不善言 语但愿意陪你
让你至少不孤单 渡过难眠的夜晚
不管夜多漫长 天终究会明亮

黑夜过後第一道阳光 是为了融化你心中的霜
闹过哭过当力气全耗光 发现你不过又爱了一场

黑夜过後的另一个早上 是最後一次和他说晚安
你要相信你比想像勇敢 逃离夜的捆绑
奔向日出的方向(像夜会过天终究会再亮)

~洪俊扬 》 Guardian Angel
是否记得 守护天使的游戏
从我抽到你的卡片起
不再是一个人的回忆
或许未来有快乐也有艰辛
我会把你紧抱在怀里
永远不让你为爱哭泣

如果天空只剩最后一颗闪烁的星
我会让它为你照亮孤寂
让幸福为你指引
总有一天你会看到 guardian angel 降临

那是我的心一直在守护着你
天使它一定能够感应

thats all so far.. update soon..

some pics taked at ardc..

















huh? mei nu lehs! oh COOL.. peace!















dise and me.. after my hair cut..















dise.. me and ser ser..
















me and zibin.. latest boy band of 2005..
















me.. kai ling and zibin..

ooh i do love this jacket... sometimes back happen to c it at u2. cost 67. other places like heeren sell 100+. then when i went to hong kong rite i saw it at ard 40 only! but in the end i also din noe y i didnt buy it.. sigh.. now then regret... got quite a few colors.. like beige.. khakis color.. hope i can get hold of it soon!

TO THE CRAZY IDIOT WHO IS TOTALLY UNCOUTH, NO MANNERS THINK-BIG, ACT-BIG AND THINK-U-R-BIGSHOT BRAINLESS FREAK!

2 days ago i was uploading some tones to my fone and this GUY happen to pass by and heard me sending them to 2 of my frens. he wanted but i didnt reply..

1st: i am not that close to you.
2nd: since i am nt close y shd i send to you? dont act good friend can!

and after that i was away to make some call.. u actually snatched the fone from my fren and sent the tones to yourself even when others tell you not to open it cos of their personal items.. *FUCK!*

why do when others already tell you dont? and guess wat? after that he even say my fren.. "you very selfish leh we should share" goodness sake... pls lor still got the cheek to say this after u did such a thing! who wants to share with you? nobody say want k.. and u actually stole it yourself.. bu wen zi qu jiu shi tou! didnt know educated and RICH people will still do such things. =\ rich can bring into coffin isit? brag for all i care not like i beggar care about ur money or what lehs.. got so much money bring and throw and me la i help u burn next time can still use..

further more. are u trying to show off what you hafe gotten from me that i dont want to give you? u think u can use it as ur ringtone i will feel angry? sorry lor i dun waste my energy on this kinda of pig!

woo.. was surfing a blog when i saw this birthdaycake he gotten for his birthday.. bought from coffee bean.. choc one k my fav.. haha.. those noe how to do liao hor muahaha.. joking..

ar sian.. the past weekend has been playing mahjong with my grandma.. cos my aunt went to china and not enough pple.. so bo pian.. got a few times zi muo... also a few times animals bit plus zi muo... woo~ even thou at last lose 3 dollars oso happy.. haha..

recently i have been toking to angion quite alot of things.. i remembered i told her, friends are actualli like lover.. when ur lover leave you.. hurt you.. u feel sad and pain.. and so is it when ur friends do it to you! rite? in fact more hurt.. following is a lyrics i find v meaningful and it converys wad i want to say..

江美琪 - 朋友的朋友
词:姚谦 曲:何庆远

朋友的朋友
我们最后的定位
疏离的让自己
都好想流泪

朋友的朋友
我们最后的关连
隐藏好的伤悲
不想被你感觉

听见你名字
还有心跳的感觉
朋友不知情所以才没发现
经过多少年
伤痕才会看不见
寂寞的尊严也传到你那边

有时候以为
我能微笑去面对
有时心酸到
呼吸都听见

人总会难免
把回忆跟现实敷衍
因为人生对自己残忍了一点

*if u cant see pls encode it to unicode.. thnx..*

the real OCEAN

woo.. many days no blogg liao.. this week is a shaort week.. cos got two holiday.. at first today no want come sch de lo but then at home oso sian.. might as well come here tok tok.. play play..

tues went out wif angi and herry to chill lo.. ter at first coming too de but then got sth happen so din come.. so the three of us shop shop ard ps before we have our lunch and then after to esplanade to chill out..sit ard and took loads of fotos.. relaxing..

then yest went to grandma house... have to accompany ah ma play mahjong due to a short of khakis.. actualli its quite sian cos the tiles keep dun coming.. in the end i lose 7 bucks..

here's my horo for today.. seems interesting.. :
You could be in a position to offer someone forgiveness, Kelvin kho. Maybe someone in your personal life has acted selfishly, and the result was not exactly to your benefit. And although you can see the situation from the other person's point of view, the pain caused to you has been getting in the way of a reconciliation. But today suddenly all of this seems less important, and you no longer feel threatened. You realize that you can afford to be generous and to extend a trusting, compassionate energy.

so bored.. today's time passed extremely slow.. i think its cos of the holiday tml... jus now felt cold and hungry.. and eve say like i am in hell.. hahaa.. so i went to get a friend rice from cheers lo.. sian later dinner no appetite then die.. mum going to skin me alive. haha

happy deepavali!!

the same old question is back again...

again i asked myself whether i have personality problems.. so much so that i cant mix ard with pple normally.. people cant get me involved in their activities.. i cant break into their cliques.. i can say i let go all these liao.. dun really feel angry or wad.. but who wun be sad? i mean a tiny little bit is for sure la.. imagine the whole group pple go out but i am not called to go.. but its realli ok.. like i say.. the society is very realistic and cruel one.. anyway nowadays i can handle these problems more better liao.. so dun worry shan and herry!~

today is the second day i am on time... in this 11 days... hhaha.. and rena wore her sec school uniform here! she said its halloween... haha crazy gal... but its fun to have this kinda activities la.. she is wearing malay costume on wed.. so enthu hor haha.. for me is too sian no one company.. otherwise i wud do so too...

i realli feel very sux.. i realli hoped to have someone to talk to.. but too bad i dun have friends who live near me and willing to come out in the middle of the nite to talk to me.. sigh.. maybe i realli have personality problems..

i was just wondering why i cant find so many pple on fri nite... so it turned out to be everyone is at ur party.. haha..

happy belated birthday chang da~

Quote of the day:

"Jokes are exaggerated truths"

saw it on today's urban.. how true.. isnt it? it said by rowan atkinson, the guy who acted as mr bean..

the rope snapped. our rope snapped.

but no one wants to savage it. i cant be the one doing it that often. get it? not that i want to let go. i am just tired.

cya. tep very boring..

Oh my gosh~!!

I happen to browse thru zaobao.com and i saw this taiwan article that reveals the real face of Ocean Ou!!!

He is fat! and like ser ser said.. married with 2 kids..

total not the way i tot he wud b luking like... i tot at least not handsome also quite young.. but anyway i will still support him la.. his voice good...

If u r curious u might want to go here -> http://stars.zaobao.com/pages2/ocean051014.html