random rants.

some random rants for the past few days,

sat was spent at jaime's bdae. met up with jingyao in the morn to get his prez, and i must say this is one of the shortest time i spent to get some one's prez. its always good with jingyao cos he would make it chop chop done.

but in the end, jingyao fell sick in the late afternoon and did not go for the party.. so i ended up going with only meepok, hong and ah kee.

anw, on my way home, i took the circle line! latest addition to our mrt system. its pretty spacious at the stations. transfered at bishan mrt, which i havent been to for years! used to take train there very often as bishan is one of the fav hangout during secondary school.. it looked so different now!

yesterday was dinner with mich and cheewei at serangoon gardon hawker centre. after dinner we were looking for a place to chill, and in the end we settles for K! and we realise, after knowing each other for 10 years, this is the first time that we actually K!

time flies, and how easy is it to make friends that actually stays? not easy at all..

handmade and sorts of.

back from Jaime's birthday and i just realized,


i have never received anything like a handmade scrapbook or something like that before. like the one that everyone signs on for his birthday.

y is it like that leh! is it because i appear to be materialistic that people must give me some physical "gifts" that is actually bought? haha.. good point to ponder isn't it?

will he go into top 5?

this is the first episode i watch for this new season of 超级星光大道V. and i thought this guy is pretty not bad. both me and mabel hopes that he will go a long way!


btw, the song is 不会消失的夜晚.

囍帖街

找寻中...

你说，你已不再相信这个世界上还有true love.

但是，父母的爱也是love啊。
朋友间的爱也是love啊。

看，你还有好多朋友关心你。这些都是true love吧。

这个世界上还是有true love的，只要你还相信。
希望未来的日子里你会开心一些，我的朋友，纵使我并不知道你会不会看到我的祝福...

还怀念什么？

was flipping channels, when i stopped at mtv. 孙燕姿 is singing 我怀念的。

心里突然一阵揪着痛。

New toy.

rena, yen, its been a real long time since we 3 met up. rena, its really great to be at your birthday, glad to be there to celebrate the great double 2 for you!

and at the same time, so paiseh cos we're there to celebrate your birthday but at the same time you guys gave me a present too! haha..

for my mummy,

happy birthday mum.

If there're seasons?

"这里只有天气, 没有季节, 我很想看看下雪..."

missed the sold-out run in 2007 cos i was cheated by radio 1003, but this time round i did not miss it! 还是实实在在靠自己的钱买票比较可靠! 哈哈..

anw, i totally dun regret going to it! i think part of the reasons why people find that its good is cos of the emotional attachment they have to the songs that is written by liang wen fu (which is incorporated into the musical), and being the usual ah-peh-trapped-in-a-young-body me i totally enjoyed it! 或许出生在80年代末的我并没来得及赶上新谣最好的年代，但梁文福后来的创作我还是很喜欢! songs like 陪我看日出totally rocks! also, thanks to my cousin who IS born in that golden era, thanks for sharing all these good songs with me.

the story plot is also nice, i like the theme- homecoming. have read some reviews online and i do agree with what some if them said, that the start and ending are at a cemetry is a rather good part to bring out the theme. that home town is also a place where you 落叶归根 after you passed away, not only a place where you life happens.

the actors and actresses are also quite good, some pleasant surprises are the kitchen uncle and dishwashing auntie, which totally livens up the show!

当爱人已逝, 是该沉醉于心中的感情, 还是该敞开胸怀, 重新生活?
当理想受挫, 是该向残酷的命运低头, 还是该风雨兼程, 抬头挺胸?
当真爱来临, 是该犹犹豫豫不知所措, 还是该勇往直前, 大胆追求?

原来。

你也是和他们一样，不是一个能无条件分享我的快乐、我的感受的朋友。

Change is the only constant.

世事无绝对，有一些东西也不是永远的。

就比如说：一个等你的人。

get lost please.

grow up and get a life.

challenging me just because i have pointed out what are the things you have not been doing right? trying to scare me by calling outside "enforcements" in front of me?

you tactics are already wearing out my patience. not getting into a further argument with you does not mean i am scared or what. rather, i just cant be bothered anymore.


stop acting like a primary school kid.

boo!

shiate. i have a pes review coming up in two week's time. whats going to happen? up pes again and start to do all those shit all over again, but now at a brand new environment? or stay with my easy life i am having how? wish me good luck.

**

damn sian. has not been able to watch 17 again yesterday and today! i am on the verge of dropping this show from my watch list cos it just seem that i am not fated with this show. we shall see.

**

i want my ice cream from that shop at shaw tower!!! my rum and raisin with one month aged raisins!!! D=

叶子飞走了..

i was listening to 933 and just before i was about to turn in for the night, i heard d news that 阿桑, the singer of one of my fav song, 叶子, has passed away this morning due to breast cancer.

Yahoo.com.tw news

life is damn unexpected. goodbyes is due to come anytime, whether or not you are prepared!

cherish.



葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子
天堂 原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘
當初怎麼開始飛翔

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單
愛情 原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子

just cui.

not very nice hor.


i feel very squeeze dried. all the rubbish being thrown to me and i am supposed to "hop" all of them.

nevermind, just remember,

ORD IN 5 MONTHS TIME!!!

My apple martini.

happy birthday mich! time flies.. i find that recent years, the rate of our birthdays coming are becoming really fast..

this year its at bakerzine and ballymoon! the food is not bad, but most of them find that its not so fulfilling.. so we had spicy chicken wings at ballymoon! had quite a great time there with all the talking, drinking, and i finally how much of my stories mich is telling the girls! some of them is so not true! haha.. mich please dun make me sound like i am a two timer in a relationship.. -_- lolz..

its a nice gathering, though some of them i only meet up like once a year, we can still quite click. maybe we should have more outing, right mich?

永远到不了.

我们始终是不同世界的人。

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旋转木马终于有了快乐的结局.

was watching 康熙来了 last night and they were interviewing celebrity couples. theres this couple, the guy is one of them from BAD and the girl i suppose is a model, quite pretty.

they were discussing about their wedding and there is this touching part where this guy sang this song to the girl, which is actually written by the ex-boyfriend who passed away due to illness.

after knowing the story behind the song, i feel damn sad.

but some say, 旋转木马终于有了快乐的结局. 或许这首歌是他对她的祝福.

btw, the girl and the ex-boyfriend is featured in the mv.



拥有华丽的外表和绚烂的灯光
我是匹旋转木马身在这天堂
只为了满足孩子的梦想
爬到我背上就带你去翱翔
我忘了只能原地奔跑的那忧伤
我也忘了自己是永远被锁上
不管我能够陪你有多长
至少能让你幻想与我飞翔

奔驰的木马 让你忘了伤
在这一个供应欢笑的天堂
看着他们的 羡慕眼光
不需放我在心上

旋转的木马 没有翅膀
但却能够带着你到处飞翔
音乐停下来你将离场
我也只能这样

(PS. this guy is also the writer of one of my favourite song, 孙燕姿的- 我不难过.)

2359hrs.

a few minutes ago, i was suddenly craving for tau huay.

damns, i always want to eat food that i am not supposed to (ie. me being sick).

this is damn sianz. =(

mich.

mich, met up with her today.. to get the router and a belated birthday treat from her!

dinner at this noodle place at the basement of the cathay. theres chinese ramen, xiao long bao and some china-ish food. a really heavy meal followed by walking around before settling at swenson to have ice cream for their choclate fondue. had a good hearty chat and it feels like we have not met up for long already.. infact we do! 4 months according to her..

time flies hor!

with friends like her.. i really do hope that we have more chances to meet up.. sometimes i always feel that time is always not enough..

Shocking.

got news that C has left the organization, major shock! and the exit is not a peaceful one either.. with a big whoohaa left behind.

sort of expected her not to stay on from the last few conversations, but didn't expect it to be so sudden. and of cos, did not expect the big whoohaa that is left behind.

hais, workplace politics... gotta start getting used to it again! 6 more months to ord! back to civilian life!

i miss working. where i got more life- more money to have a life!

where is the love?

two friends whom i am quite close to broke off with their other halves recently.

J hasn't been on the smooth road in handling his feelings, but luckily the rest has been supportive too.

F needs a clearer picture of what she wants.

i hope things will be fine for the both of them real soon.. really.. i m bad at giving comfort words.. but the least i can do is just be there for you guys lor.. so dun hesitate! call me! =D

You should mend it, not end it.

Just home from celebrating Mabel's birthday! Had great dinner at sushi tei, and she finally chose what she want for her birthday. though a small gift, its our xin yi!

Sally and boon left after the dinner and the two of us headed to cathay to catch marley and me! We both thought its going to be a comedy, but it turned out to be a really meaningful movie.

How true it is, that a dog doesn't care who you are, if you're rich or poor, if you're tall or short. He's always there for you, as long as you give him you love. No matter what. And no matter how big the mess is, you'll still love him.

Found it a great movie and i am really touched at the later part of the show.. nearing to the end.. The relationship the family shares with the dog, how it has became a part of the family.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MABEL!!

世界の中心で、愛を叫ぶ。

我害怕被人遗忘..
可不可以替我照张相？
可以永远的保存..
~亜紀

rainbow.

no, i didn't manage to see the rainbow everyone saw. no luck maybe, ha ha.

here's a song thou! same title, by jay. love the lyrics.



哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的怨都跑到我这里
有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕
没有理由我也能自己逃
你要离开 我知道更简单
你说依赖 是我们的阻碍
就算放开 那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

thank you.

to mrs quek and joseph over the concern at fb. didnt expect any reply at all when i posted those things.. but well i am really touched by the comments!

thanks mrs quek, for he support thru out the years..
thanks joseph, though i don't even know you at a personnel level at all.. your words of encouragement really perked me..


*

the cyberspace has became a place which i have lots of qualms on.. no doubt its my blog, but people is watching this space. my life, and how i am making a fool of myself in it.

people come here for gossips, to know how i am doing, to know all sorts of things. even my cousin and godma comes here!

but i really dunno if this is still that space that i can post my thoughts freely, like i used to be. 有些事是我觉得可以说的，想要说的，其实却是不能说的。因为会引起太多人的揣测，没必要的争论，关心我的人的担心。。

having said that, i will still post my thoughts here la. haha. my dumping ground!

quoted: Jeslin, yh, york, emily.

from jeslin's blog:

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.

from yh's nick:

we're meant to lose the people we love. how else would we know how important they are to us?

from york's conversation:

anyways, let me give you a word of advice
when things cant be any worst....
it only can get better!
ai zai...u will be just fine man

from me to mrs quek:

i dunno.. as you know right i am a very verbal person. No matter what I think or feel, there is no problem in me articulating these thoughts. But sometimes...you simply have too many of such ideas in your mind that suddenly, talking/writing them out does not seem to do yourself justice.

from mrs quek to me:

BE yourself. We put on many mask everyday. We act in various roles.

ColorGenics.

Name: Kelvin
Date: 2/19/2009
Colorgenics Number: 15623407

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.

Your confidence has been shattered. There are so many things that you would like to do with your life, so many dreams to be fulfilled - and you know that your hopes and dreams are not just figments of your imagination, they are real and you are looking for reassurance from someone. Basically your fears are such that you may be prevented in attaining your hopes and dreams. Even now you would like to broaden your fields of endeavour but in order to develop your 'inner- self' you need peace and solace. You are distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from attaining your goals. What you really need at this particular moment in time is quiet reassurance from someone close to you to restore your confidence.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

情人节不孤单！

happy v day! haha.

met up with mabel and boon on friday the 13th. supper plus some night activity.. we've not done so for so long! i think the last time is the prata trip just before enlistment. this time round, met at bugis first before hitting starbucks for some drink and desserts at liang seah street.

anw, saw that benjamin buttons is finally out! must find one day go see, as usual i will always say but arent sure if it will realise. haha.. cos mabel and boon not very keen on the show leh!

after the dessert it was k at marina square. another sing-till-they-close session, which ended with the 3 of us damn seh and falling asleep on the cab. ha! its always great to be out with the gang, i hope we can all try to make time to meet up more frequently..

quoted: Nat

There are some friends who'll always know you for you, for the times when you're crying beneath the biggest grin in the whole wide world. Brave fronts don't always work. But they love you despite all that anyway.

quoted: Yahui.

Friends Forever.

普遍的两个字，隐藏着深奥的意义。

小时候，我老是把它挂在嘴边。

只要有一群朋友一起玩，就觉得自己和他们很投缘。

有时候还会讨论长大后要一起开店等等。

可是梦想往往和现实有落差。

人啊，总是在变。

很多知心朋友已经变成陌生人。

有些还比陌生人更陌生。

就是所谓的 “Hi-Bye Friend”。

心情：可悲。

可悲，因为觉得可惜。

可悲，因为想念过去。

可悲，因为你是我的。

可惜属于我们的过去已成为回忆。

不过，我应该感到欣慰。

虽然我们不能做永远的好友，但回忆是永恒的。

“朋友一生一起走，那些日子不再有。。。”

在我们的一生中，时时刻刻都会有新脸孔出现。

没有人知道谁才是你真正的朋友。

只有你，才能够让真正的朋友陪你一生一起走。

我们要懂得惜缘、惜福。

haiz.

today's only the second day at the new place and we've got ict in processing- meaning i have to reach early! had to wake up before 5 and reach by 645!! clementi! i'm late anyway, despite taking the first bus. -.-

i am seriously contemplating staying in on days which i have to reach super early. the car sickness is there even when i am on my way home, which is already near to the end of the day!

somebody validate me.

http://www.spiritualcinemacircle.com/scc/ecs/public/main/validationMovie.html

must watch! watch till the end...

thanks royce, for making my day. the video is really good...

1088.

done with the last duty, and started signing my clearance..

was clearing my arms at philip's, and i got a damn weird feeling out of the sudden. people all say that a soldier's rifle is his laopo.. and now i am signing it off, not needing to draw it again anymore..

that feeling is damn surreal. leaving way before my ord, 8 more months away.. something that i have least expected.

york says its the same, be it post out or ord. everyone has to go thru it. its just a matter of earlier of later. but post out is diff la.. its you and alone, leaving. where as ord, you leave together with your batchmates to new phase of life!

now i will leave alone.. haha. rsm say he will indent a rover to send me to the new camp, so i dun have to go on that journey on my own. ha! we shall see.

although we have been complaining how sucks, but we also have many happy moments here... so when you leaving, you will feel sad...
-jingyao

再见。

我只是简单问你，你知道我最近的生活怎么样了吗？你知道发生在我生活里的点滴吗？
不。你并不知道。

你有什么资格教训我？

不要口口声声说你什么都了解，因为你什么都不。

作为朋友，我问心无愧。你能吗？
我不会再钻牛角尖了。要听他们的一面之词，就去吧。

管不了，不想管，懒得管。
反正到最后，罪人还是我。

whirlpool.

i don't wanna waste anymore effort trying to explain myself. every story has its sides, its just that who wanna look at things from my perspective.

i dunno.. everyone is looking at her perspective, his perspective.. wanting me to look in their perspective.. but who's looking in to mine?

haha.. damn tired.. dun wanna fall into this whirlpool anymore..

and i realise.

my blog is meant for me, and myself.

not for you to judge me.

dun make assumptions. if you wanna know what i am thinking, why not ask me? by not saying anything does not mean i agree wholesomely with you.

i have a life too you know. i have my family, my other friends, i dun just sit there and wait for you guys to come and find me. and so things i blog is not totally about you!

it seems funny, i am here alive and kicking and no one bothers to find out how i am from me, but rather from my blog.

For myself-

insincere.

没诚意。

sometimes i just cant be bothered. the level of insincerity is just too high for my to even turn up the event. dun even bother to tell me the details of it. and when i call to ask at the eleventh hour i can even be told sorry forget to tell you. walao!

nuff said.

posted out!

just got the news yesterday, 20 minutes before its time for me to go off. shocked, very.

no reason at all, just citing- posted out due to medical grounds.

in short, i am becoming a clerk.

omg its like a dream come true!!!

end of misery?

i hope so.. after hanging there for so long, i snapped. i thought i could have just hanged there all the time.. but some things, some words he said, just triggered me and everything was let go..

will things turn for a better? or for the worse?

let time decide.

absurd.

singaporeans are full of nonsense.

they want chen xi and yue niang to be together. how is that possible! especially after the both of them living in the guilt of causing yu zhu all her misery of being raped and abused.

no, i still dun think they should be together.

but well, i do agree the ending is not very good. too hasty. too much to tell, too little time.

2009!

Happy 牛 year!

cny in 3 weeks. clothes-buying season!!! woohoo-!

dong dong qiang!

just back home meeting mich at kovan and i was greeted by the chinese new year songs from the loud speakers at the pasar malam.

like omg la its coming already! in less that a month!

time flies...

death.

has been thinking, what if i were to die suddenly one day? like suddenly.

not say i am paranoid becos everyone will eventually die la. but i have just been pondering this thing for a long long time.

have i lived with no regrets? done everything with my max and fullest effort?
what will happen to my parents? friends?

what will people who have been pushing away my request for gatherings feel?
what will people who have been excluding me in gatherings feel?
what will people who do not reply sms and missed calls feel?
what will people who pangseh me feel?
what will people who like me feel?
what will people who hates me feel?

so this is how you think?

u've given up thinkin much abt tryin to meet with frens and all wen it seems it doesnt matter much.

i am so disappointed.

You, you and you.

我不需要，也不惜罕。

Crap.

I've always thought the whole gala dinner thing is a crap. compulsory attendance even though we are still paying. what crap!

back to school.

it feels so much like back to school days, met up with tat, janet, erica over sat AND sun! it has been so long since we met up straight two days, which makes me feels like back to school all the way!

saturday was for janet's 21st! headed to her house after some present hunting in town. jan's family is a lively and fun one! all the relatives are so friendly! we talked to her uncle, cousin, godpa and godma and alot more other members!

next was chilling in town with loads of talks. met up with the trio after the lunch with campmates. camped at burger king (!) before the girls left at ard 6, so me and tat roams around and talked alot. its good to do catching up once in the while.. which is what we have been unable to do since we have all got on to our busier lives..

anw, we have been thinking of a small trip overseas! i am thinking of having it at my birthday week, haha! not a bad choice what. since everything i have planned for the chalet is SCREWED UP cos there is no more chalet available.

If you know me,

but you don't.







If ever...

boo.

how long can someone live with that increasing amount of disappointment before they finally snap?

i don't know, don't ask me.








i am really so sick of communicating.
so sick of putting up a fake front.

突然 好想你.

五月天 - 突然好想你

最怕空气突然安静 最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今 终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲 变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你 带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品

我们 那麽甜 那麽美 那麽相信
那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们 还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过 没有你
却又突然 听到你的消息

who who who?

Who gave it to you?
Who was that person to you?
Who is the person to you?

No matter how significant it was, it's already in the past.

We always find ourselves holding on to things. Sometimes, we hold on to these things for so long, we forget what we were holding on to. It's only when we let go of them, then can we see what we were holding on to.

-quoted potatomusmaximus.

now playing: 我爱的人

我爱的人 不是我的爱人
他心里每一寸 都属于另一个人
他真幸福 幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨 他的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人 他已有了爱人
从他们的眼神 说明了我不可能
每当听见 她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情 永恒的嘲笑声

the full stop came.

all the ceremonies ended today.

the wake, the funeral, the cremation, the ash collecting.

there is really little i can do for my uncle, my cousins and the rest of the family other than helping out here and there and be there for them.

stayed overnight on the last night, to keep zhen zhao company throughout the night so that he wouldnt feel so lonely, and grandma and uncle can have catch some sleep. somehow i felt close to my uncle and cousin again. the talkings, the chats.

sometime ago i still see cousin quite often as uncle would send him to school before we go to camp. but the converstation (if hello can also be counted as conversation) is short as i think we arent "warmed up" yet. but i am really glad that i am here with them.

the night reminded me of the times where mum is helping to take care of zhen zhao and yan xiang when we were still living at the old home, and uncle and aunt would come over with treats like cookies and goodies while picking them home.

i know how zhen zhao is feeling. no, not totally, but i do. it hurts, when he was saying to me that he feels time pass super fast that partiular night. i know i shd say something to him but other than being there with him, i dunno what to say. i am one that is not good with words.

i thought i was holding myself quite well, not letting emotions taking over me thruout the 4 days. but at the last day, before the cortege leaves, the musicians are here and when they started playing the songs, i crumbled. i cant take it. the final moment. its coming to the end, that kind of songs they played..

i have never seen my mum cried so badly before.
i have never seen my grand parents like that before.
i have never seen my uncle like that before.
i have never seen everyone like that before..

i think aunt is happy.. so many of the relatives came to send her off.. and she is not no longer in pain. and i hope that uncle and cousin will live strongly from now on.

...

jiu mu passed away yesterday afternoon, while i am in camp and its a duty day so i cant book out only till today.

thou we're all prepared, the news still kind of shook me when it came, as we just went over to visit her on sunday..

angela's quotes #1

口味，因人而异，那么难迎合，却又总想去迎合。
到头来还不是一场空？

如果...?

像开始时那样
握着手就算天快亮?



(now playing 戴佩妮 - 怎样)

Of dust and heat.

yea.. back to camp for two days. think i have been to used to civilian life. missing my naps and late mornings man!

the uniform is making me feel so warm, the dust in guardroom makes me sneeze non stop, all the mundane stuff making me so sianz at all times..

35days of civilian life! i almost thought i ord-ed!

back to reality.

Rifle, buddy, me.

was talking to Alan and the conversation sort of ended with this line..

brought back lots of memories of b/m/t! he used to be one of the "lead singer" of the platoon and the timer as well.. and this is one of the favorite song we will always sing!

i'm glad that this few of us are still keeping contact.. even though its just through msn or facebook..

Events - outings.

quite eventful these few days! met up with Eugene on Thurs- he's on half day so i went over to raffles city to meet him for lunch and chill. I wanna say thanks bro for spending the whole afternoon with me and listen to my rants of my miserable life. it really helped alot. =D

coincidentally, agnes and gang was also at raffles city for lunch! haha. chatted with them for a while while waiting for eugene.. and so i arranged lunch with agnes the next day! haha.. certainly misses those working days with them.. unlike now where i feel so wasted and my brain cells all wasting away.

yesterday was at sofian's for hari raya! first time joining them as i didnt go for last year's. the food is great and so is the company! love the fried potatoes loads. hohoh. jielun finally turned up after so long. haha. headed to town for some walk walk afterwards with jielun and junwei.

L to R:Junwei, Leon, Han, Chin, Sofian, Jielun, JB, Me.

Saved.

i nearly thought i will die last night. thanks herry for talking to me on the phone, keeping me calm. that few moments really saved me, even though there were times the both of us only kept quiet..

Swatch.

I freaking like this watch!! tried it already.. nice.. but its too ex.. =(

FED UP.

I is freaking fed up! that brainless freak. you think you just want to go ahead and plan things your way? by all means please go ahead. its not me who is going to suffer. its your people! i have done my due part by informing you wayyy before time.

Its out.

The report is out. I would say it is rather f-up la. Sounding like you guys have no fault at all huh s/a/f?

Actually, i aren't even waiting for it, cos i know that they are going to come out with this kind of report. One that seems rather like them shrieking responsibilities.

I dunno what to say la.. Those that has been in service before would know what the actual system is like.. Who really cared about us unless ourselves? Talk about "care for soldiers"...

Causes of death 2 NSmen who died during training revealed
By Margaret Perry, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 22 October 2008 0043 hrs


SINGAPORE: The causes of death of two servicemen who died during training in June this year were revealed in Parliament on Tuesday.

Second Lieutenant Clifton Lam Jia Hao collapsed and died during a jungle training exercise in Brunei.

An inquiry found he died from heatstroke.

Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean told the House that Second Lieutenant Lam was given four litres of water and purification tablets.

But the Board established that he may not have hydrated himself adequately during the training exercise.

Mr Teo said neither case could have been detected through medical screening and no safety breach, foul play or negligence were found on the part of personnel.

The Defence Minister said despite the best efforts to reduce risks in training, it is not possible to guarantee no deaths or injuries.

He said: "Nevertheless, I can assure this House that the SAF will continue to do its best to look after our servicemen and servicewomen in terms of medical screening, proper training systems, training safety procedures, and medical coverage during training activities. They are after all our sons and our daughters and every life is precious to us." - CNA/vm

you're selfish. you're damn selfish. i will hate you forever in this aspect.

who are you to say i am the selfish one when you are actually the one?

To eugene.

i dunno.. was wondering what will happen if gene did not prompt me on msn yesterday to talk to me.. i had been looking at hp but dunno who i can call to just talk to.. to rant out the things in me..

thanks to him alot.. really bro..

on the non stop disputes.

in hokkien we call it 相欠债。

你不知道。

倘若说放一次手 就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

quoted: 折翼天使

有些东西失去了就失去了，找不回来了，就算找回来了也没啥意义。

Deja Vu.

Grandaunt passed away this morning.

It came as quite a shock for all of us.. Gu Gu and cousin just went to visit her at the home last sunday and said that she look quite good. Had put on some weight too.

Haven't seen her for a few years. She has dementia so she can't recognize us too. The last time we went to her house before she was at the home, she wouldn't let anyone into her room.

2008 is not a good year, i think. aunt's cancer had a relapse and things are not doing good for her. I hope she recovers soon.

I ain't.

no, i'm not running away from probs when they arises. i am not a weakling that only knows how to run away. i am not childish.

i am just letting of some steam on this holy ground.

i just need an outlet. and since no one is listening, this is the best place. =)

its not that home is not the warmest place anymore, i would just say- 家家有本难念的经。

I'm only human.

and she forgets- I aren't saint.

Plunging to the lowest point.

i am feeling damn fucked. i am being flared at for no reason, things that aren't even my fault.

is being 21 too old to run away from home? if its not, I'm going to do it right now.

MC day 18.

i pre-ordered jay's new album yesterday! woohoo-! nearly missed it. luckily jielun reminded me. anw, he's on att c too. eye infection. and also chunlin, who will be on att c till the 12th. oh no!!! everyone get well soon ook!!!

the rp peeps came over last night. havent seen them for like so long.. so its nice to see them again. ha! thanks guys! no pics. i dunno y. maybe we are too used to having no image capturing devices. lol..

MC day 17.

if you can't do what you expects me to do, then don't fucking want me to do it. you're pissing me off very much.

MC day 15.

staying home for so long kind of made me lost track of the days passing by. now i cant really remember which day it is of the week that i am on.. have to check hand phone to make sure.. haha.. is that a good sign? '~'

anw, i realised my face is in much better condition. just a 15 days absence from camp- can you imagine how filthy that place is? those pillows that i am sleeping on.. =X

oh yea, rena, dise and jerry came over yesterday. good hearty chat. and makan session at hawker downstairs. its been so long since we all sat down and have a proper chat! haha.. =) from the chat i also got to know that jerry is actually csm at raven coy! haha.. didn't know he's also a regular.. and of cos, the gossips of those people who used to be so around us.. lol..

in the dumps.

一直在想啊，一个人到底要多长时间才能走出低潮期呢？

为什么我花了那么长的时间却还是困在其中？
不解。

Open book.

I think I am too much of a "open book" to everyone.. my face speaks too much of what I am thinking..

MC day 11.

freak. another ns man passed away during training. why is there so many of such cases this year? i cant help but feel alot. maybe its cos i am also in service.. maybe its becos...

*****

oh yea while i am napping this afternoon, my hp rang a few times with a few smses for me.

hey promoted liao. no more private. now lcp!

surprised. not sure of what happened, so i smsed back to ask. appearantly we are promoted due to so called "good performance", no more private till ord due to failing ippt! haha. but well, i still hope to pass it at least once before i ord.. =)

The past.

i would sometimes long to see you all on the streets that i am walking,
but yet afraid or lost if i would bump into you.

i tried to think if everything was caused by me.
but im sorry. i guess it is not totally my fault.

i hope everything would go back to normal soon.
but i also have less expectation.
and even if we talk again,
im sorry, things would not be the same again...

MC day 10.

my feed reader seems to be fixed. i hope. haha. read the last few posts of blinkymummy and saw that she revealed the face of her partner - mr "good fren"! haha. his debut appearance with full face. some of the readers so cute, commented that good fren finally has eyes! cos she always mosaic his eyes to protect identity. lol..

anw, i went to remove the stitches yesterday. paid $0 woohoo-! serving ns is not that bad afterall. haha. michelle and vic came over and pei me mahjong last night too.. second time coming over since the op and also volunteered to pei me. iam so touched. =D

*****

dickson's first book out over the weekend! after the two weeks confinement.. haha.. makes me thought of my own one just one year ago.. fond memories.. LOL!

*****

mum made some dumplings. yummy!

MC day 8.

its the F1 race yesterday! too bad im home bound. cant go over to town area to at least hear the vroom vroom go pass me. haha.

anw, here's some pics from angie! took it the other day when they visited me in the hospital. haha. relatives and friends have also came down to visit me over the past few days. so paiseh everyone have to make the trip down hehe. i will take care and be more healthy again!



angie's not in it. i'll have to wait for the photos from herry! haa..


from sis's cam..



drip drip drip.. survived on only this for two whole days 48 hrs without food and drink hor! haha!

the wound, just above my waist. its pain de ok so now stop speculating if i am faking. ha!

爱情小品 #2

Quoted from Mary.

蜻蜓的故事

在一个非常宁静而美丽的小城，有一对非常恩爱的恋人，他们每天都去海边看日出，晚上去海边送夕阳，每个见过他们的人都向他们投来羡慕的目光。

可是有一天，在一场车祸中，女孩不幸受了重伤，她静静地躺在医院的病床上，几天几夜都没有醒过来。白天，男孩就守在床前不停地呼唤毫无知觉的恋人；晚上，他就跑到小城的教堂里向上帝祷告，他已经哭干了眼泪。

一个月过去了，女孩仍然昏睡着，而男孩早已憔悴不堪了，但他仍苦苦地支撑着。终于有一天，上帝被这个痴情的男孩感动了。于是他决定给这个执着的男孩一个例外。上帝问他：“你愿意用自己的生命作为交换吗？”男孩毫不犹豫地回答：“我愿意！”上帝说：“那好吧，我可以让你的恋人很快醒过来，但你要答应化作三年的蜻蜓，你愿意吗？”男孩听了，还是坚定地回答道：“我愿意！”

天亮了，男孩已经变成了一只漂亮的蜻蜓，他告别了上帝便匆匆地飞到了医院。女孩真的醒了，而且她还在跟身旁的一位医生交谈着什么，可惜他听不到。

几天后，女孩便康复出院了，但是她并不快乐。她四处打听着男孩的下落，但没有人知道男孩究竟去了哪里。女孩整天不停地寻找着，然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩却无时无刻不围绕在她身边，只是他不会呼喊，不会拥抱，他只能默默地承受着她的视而不见。夏天过去了，秋天的凉风吹落了树叶，蜻蜓不得不离开这里。于是他最后一次飞落在女孩的肩上。他想用自己的翅膀抚摸她的脸，用细小的嘴来亲吻她的额头，然而他弱小的身体还是不足以被她发现。

转眼间，春天来了，蜻蜓迫不及待地飞回来寻找自己的恋人。然而，她那熟悉的身影旁站着一个高大而英俊的男人，那一刹那，蜻蜓几乎快从半空中坠落下来。人们讲起车祸后女孩病得多么的严重，描述着那名男医生有多么的善良、可爱，还描述着他们的爱情有多么的理所当然，当然也描述了女孩已经快乐如从前。

蜻蜓伤心极了，在接下来的几天中，他常常会看到那个男人带着自己的恋人在海边看日出，晚上又在海边看日落，而他自己除了偶尔能停落在她的肩上以外，什么也做不了。

这一年的夏天特别长，蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飞着，他已经没有勇气接近自己昔日的恋人。她和那男人之间的喃喃细语，他和她快乐的笑声，都令他窒息。

第三年的夏天，蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的恋人了。她的肩被男医生轻拥着，脸被男医生轻轻地吻着，根本没有时间去留意一只伤心的蜻蜓，更没有心情去怀念过去。

上帝约定的三年期限很快就要到了。就在最后一天，蜻蜓昔日的恋人跟那个男医生举行了婚礼。

蜻蜓悄悄地飞进教堂，落在上帝的肩膀上，他听到下面的恋人对上帝发誓说：我愿意！他看着那个男医生把戒指戴到昔日恋人的手上，然后看着他们甜蜜地亲吻着。蜻蜓流下了伤心的泪水。

上帝叹息着：“你后悔了吗？”蜻蜓擦干了眼泪：“没有！”上帝又带着一丝愉悦说：“那么，明天你就可以变回你自己了。”蜻蜓摇了摇头：“就让我做一辈子蜻蜓吧……”

有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱他。你的肩上有蜻蜓吗？

MC day 5.

pain and discomfort is still there. getting around is still not easy. shit. shouldn't have discharged so early. haha.

it has been raining since last night. the weather has been so good for resting at home.. such good luck i have.. hee..

no need to work still got salary.

york that cb, haha. dun worry i will be back just in time for your ord treat. wakakaka!

yes was away for the past three days for my "holiday" at chalet SGH. admitted due to acute appendicitis. in chinese we call it 割盲肠。 hha. sudden and fast game.

pain in gastric started in late afternoon on sunday after i ate the 3 not so good looking choc muffin left from the previous night. continued all the way till the next morning after i dismount and went to have breakfast with the guys at ADF canteen. couldn't even finish a plate of char kway tiao and i sensed that things were not good but just didnt expect it to be this bad!

head home and took a nap but woke up after only about 1 hour. not usual at all for me! woken up by the pain actually. headed to the gp which refered me to a&e straight away. haha.

things moved on super fast from then. admitted on monday night straight away and the op is on 4am of tuesday. woken up by the pain at 5.45am again and i thought i woke up in the middle of the op-silly me! haha.

and so i am home today. i wanna say thanks to the doc who did a good job. the scar dun look ugly at all. thanks to the nurses who are very patient with my dressing of wound and constant shoutings of pain. haha. and to the male nurse who managed to carry me out of bed to help me to the toilet so many times thru out the day!! youre the hero who saved me! haha.

one month mc. bless me. i will have a good rest and recuperate. hehe. =)

quoted: supergirl

i duno if its a good thing when colleagues become ur only frens.

quoted: [anch]

Everything's gone.

why am i keep having this feeling like i am begging you all for a meet up?
why am i like begging people whom i have not seen for a long time just for a gathering?

reply a sms got so difficult not?
calling back a missed call is so hard is it?

that thing called "friendship" is just so not mutual. freaking hell, this feels like shit.






and guess what? its not the first time this kind of things have been happening to me.. i am just so fucked up lor..

On this day.

365 days ago, i step into a new unknown phase of my life. met a platoon of people from a thousand different backgrounds and lived with them together for 3 months.

don the green uniform, learnt how to fold smart four from anwar who slept on my right, learnt how to tie my boot lace from alan, and how to forget, my bunk buddy, azhar! whom we have partnered for the trainings too.. =)

the re-re-re sitest, the marches, grenade throwing, all the shits, RT....

I'm a one year soldier!

met up with geoffery yesterday for the peep's (eugene, azhar, setoh, chin, junwei, alan, kianhao) commission parade at safti. the place's damn ulu can. haha. one small regret is that i did not manage to locate my bunk buddy, azhar. didnt manage to take a photo with him in his no. 1. =(

xiangming was there too to support his friend. and i also saw jingyao and angelayuen there. small world it is..

we've all come a long way. one more year to go and we will be heading back to civillian life!

*****

was talking to daren on msn. both of us concluded that its a happy and sad at the same moment thing. half way through already at last. but at the same time we're also nearer to ord. what are we going to do next? the future seem smoky and unclear. he said his results are a sandstorm, i told him mine arent that good either. hai.. one more year to think of what we are going to do!

学习放下

我怀念的



可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解 是怕 真相太赤裸裸
但被逼失去难受


谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了　所以呢　没有哭　没有痛

Madness!

just total madness! i have just finished the two 4 yolk mooncake that cousin gave me just 3 days ago! *gasps* and its not even near to mooncake fest yet! still two days away. wahaha. i've got 2 more boxes with cousin as i have still not collected it from her. woohoo-!

*****


just home not long ago, from the acer carnival. everyone was given half day off for it and we all went to bishan park. the ground was extremely muddy from the morning's rain la and our shoes all gone. haha. luckily i was wearing slippers! but well, shd have worn the saf sandles, that would be easier to wash!

quite fun, walking around playing the games, winning the toys, having some light snacks. reminds me that i have actually not been to a carnival for many years. but well, at least i went to one today, and its still not too late to go for more right? haha.

anyway, we forgot to take photos today! tze wei bought camera and we were all having so much fun that we actually forgot to take any pictures. haha!

*****


suddenly i thought of this song. had definately posted it here before, but i just felt like listening to it right now.


张智成 - 很想你

of the past.

i want to go for night cycling again.
i want to go ubin as i have not been there before.

but the peeps who say they're going to do it with me arent here anymore. they have proceeded on so much with their life while i am still the pathetic soul stuck in the old memories of the past, abandoned. or rather, i abandoned myself.

不会. 不懂. 不痛.

从以前到现在，我一直不断地认为这个人是个!@#$%^&*(.... some one i hated that much.

但是，他却还能和他们老友鬼鬼，而我却成了无关痛痒的旁观者。and i am supposed to have known them for a longer time..

或许，真正的!@#$%^&*( 是我才对...

爱情小品

Quoted from Mary.

爱，不需要让你知道

寒冷的二月，山中茫茫的雪中，一男一女艰难的移动着，他们都是户外运动的爱好者，相约进山看雪，途中意外碰到暴风雪，迷了路。

女人很喜欢男人，他们之间没有表白过，因为之前，女人仅仅是从男人的眼神中，捕捉到喜欢的信息，但是不确定。他们两个都是骄傲而怕受伤的人，因为不确定，所以不表白。

大雪中，他们手拉着手，说着鼓励的话，在齐膝的雪中艰难的前进，不停的走着，常常走不了几步就会摔交，衣服已经湿透了，被冷风一吹，两个人都嘴唇青紫。体 力消耗很大，但女人仍然边走边笑，男人看着女人，轻松不少。尽管都在微笑，但是他们知道，死神正一步步向他们逼近。已经三天了，周围仍然是一望无际的雪 地，体力已经透支，最糟糕的是，食物也越来越少了。

为了生存，他们把所有的食物都集中到了女人的背包里，由女人好好规划，控制每天的食量，以应付最糟糕的情形。更不幸的事情发生了，由于雪太深，在路过一片 树林时，女人掉进雪洞里扭伤了脚，整个腿肿了起来，每走一步都要忍住巨痛。男人已经极度疲惫了，没可能背上女人前进，而且，女人也拒绝男人背她，她很清 楚，这样的话，他们会一起死在山上。

斟酌再三，只能由男人独自前行，找到出山的路，寻求救援。男人为女人支好了帐篷，安顿好。他们整理了彼此的背包，女人告诉男人“还剩下八块压缩饼 干，咱们一人四块“，随后说“你出去帮我烧点水好吗？“男人烧好水送进帐篷来，女人说饼干分好了，装在两个包的头包里，男人摸了摸两个背包的头包，凭感 觉，的确是一样多。他拉着女人的手，说“等着我，我马上回来”。

直到这时，他们仍然没有向对方表达自己的爱恋，他们都是理智的人，这种情况下，可能一分手就是永别，如果表白之日就是永别之日，未免太过残忍。

男人根本不知道自己能不能走出去，如果，他们中只有一人能生存，那何必让对方用一生的时间，去忘记一个逝去的爱人呢？记得一个普通的朋友就足够了。女人无限依恋的看着男人“我等你，我知道你能走出去。”男人站起身，替女人盖好睡袋，转身。

每走一段路，男人都做下记号，他一心想着找到救援，回去接女人，饿了，啃一口饼干，渴了，吃两口雪。男人的速度越来越慢，他提醒自己，不能停，只要停下就意味着死亡，那女人也就没救了，他努力坚持，他告诉自己，一定要出去。

终于，男人耗尽了最后一丝气力，倒下，失去知觉前，他想，女人的食物还够吗？还能撑住吗？醒来，男人发现自己躺在救援队的帐篷里，朋友发现他们没有按时出山，救援队已经进山搜救很久了。

其实救援队一开始并没有发现男人，他们先找到女人的帐篷，然后顺着男人留下的记号，找到几乎冻僵奄奄一息的男人。男人的体温渐渐恢复，他问“她 呢”，大家不语，他突然发现，救援队的成员眼角都隐隐有着泪光。男人一呆，“告诉我，她呢”，挣扎着要出去找她。救援队长用颤抖的声音说“别找了，她不在 了，我们发现她的时候，已经去了，可能是出去融雪烧水，没力气回到帐篷，冻死了”……

三年后，男人结婚了，是一个和女人一样喜欢户外运动、喜欢笑的可爱女孩。女人走后，这个女孩陪男人走过了最难受的日子，男人逐渐快乐起来，有了感情，两人走到了一起，有时，他们也会一起怀念惋惜女人的逝去，也更珍惜现在的感情。当年的救援队长参加了他的婚礼。

婚礼后，队长来到女人的墓地，女人在照片上，笑容依旧美丽。队长对女人说“你放心吧，他结婚了，很幸福“。队长流泪了，其实，当年，队长说谎了。女人不是冻死的，救援队发现她的时候，她好好的躺在帐篷里，睡袋盖的很好，男人替她盖好的，她舍不得动。

女人是饿死的，打开她的头包，只有几块平平的石板，没有什么压缩饼干，剩下的压缩饼干，不是八块，只有四块而已。女人，把剩下的所有食物，都留给了 男人，她真的，很爱他。队长发现女人的时候，她早已经僵硬的手中紧紧攥着一张小纸条：“我肯定撑不到他回来了，别告诉他，他该有自己的生活。”

Stabbed.

falling into that fucking drain is one thing. that kind of expression that she shows on her face is another thing.


wished my leg was broken or something.

Cya soon!

Cya soon! or so we always say to people. but are we really doing it? i think its a phrase that is seriously over used.. if you really wanna see them soon then do it, don't leave any regrets..

Goodbye Beijing, Hello London.

Closing of the Olympics last night! after so many days.. of catching the respective matches on the tv its coming to an end. actually, this is kind of a bonding session for my family. didn't know father knew quite a bit about volleyball and table tennis matches yo!

caught the closing on channel 5 in camp last night. i have to say, mediacorp is one of the worse broadcaster! ads like every now and then causing us to miss alot of the performances! luckily we have channel 601-606 on cable. woohoo-!

anw, here's one of the song for Beijing2008-



shall save the lyrics as its too long! to get it watch the video.

=)

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