i am lost

i think i hurt someone

and in turn i hurt myself.

i am afraid.

wad if one day u ignored me completely?

things shouldnt end in this way..

its the worse fireworks i have ever seen..

i dont want to be like rena, in a situation where fireworks can only bring up bad memories..

its supposed to be joyous

wad i am saying is not what you thought i meant.. ni zhi dao ma?

i hope you does.. cos i cant afford to lose anymore friends..

I am so sorry... This time its really my fault.. I admit le… I really found out wad happened Liao... And it’s really my fault... Sorry minzhen for my insensitive acts. I shouldn’t have done that. You are right in your blog. I noe now that I have done it nothing I do can help... But I just wana say that I am sorry.. Even if you don’t forgive me I will accept it cos I was in the wrong for the first place. I just hope that u will noe my apologies. Please I don’t want to lose a friend like you and ser ser k? Not sure if u read my blog... But I really hope u will see this. I really feel guilty for making u feel so like that when u tried to make effort for me to have be able to blend into u all... it is all my negligence to your feelings…

for duno wad reason i am super depressed today.. nothing seems to be ok for me ever since i woke up this morn.. was like got the "bang my head against the wall" feeling.. help.. why of all time.. now.. when exam is just one week away..

arent this suppose to happen to girls only?? die.. maybe people do get mood swings, regardless of their sex.

kelvin u must recover quickly ok?

anw, last sat i went to see the z pop concert at suntec.. nice lor so many artists.. but the duration is like close to 7 hour.. abit cannot tahan.. lol.. but there certainly has my favs! Jones shi, JJ, A Mei and others.. so happy that i can hear Jones sing live again. and JJ, his voice soo damn good lor..

hmm but half way i ran over to esplanade to catch the fireworks.. think there is some rehearsal for ndp? well its so nice this yr.. i was standing at esplanade there and there is fireworks on the bridge on the right of me, and on the sea on my left.. such a nice view..

so after that i just walk back to the concert lor.. i cant believe i am enjoying myself to this extend when the exams are so near.. lol..

最近老妈狂追韩剧《黄色手帕》，今天提早放学，“没办法”的情形下也看了一集。故事不是很好，好像专为气死观众而写的，但女主角的其中一句话非常有意思。

人世间要是没那么多杂事，那就是天堂了。

说得没错。要是人世间多一点点爱与关怀，少点猜忌与怀疑，或许就不会有那么多战争，女佣杀雇主、包装员杀女童、前夫杀前妻、学生自杀。。。

但现实生活就不是那么美好的，要不然这就是天堂了。。

"if u are tryin so hard n still they dun wanna ask u out or sumthing then i guess they r nt worth bahs"

i dunno if its right of me to try so hard ust to get that little acceptance.. is that real acceptance? i duno.. and i dun think so.. maybe they will accept.. cos i tried hard enuff or out of pity? thats not true friendship..

i just hope everything will turn out fine...

happen to talk to the topic of fotos with mabel.. and i was saying we all grow old.. and the fotos will bring back memories.. and to cherish the long friendship in the fotos so as not to lose them..

since i went out with her yesterday, have been feeling quite blue. not that the outing is not fun, its damn fun. and thats why making me blue today. after the happy feeling we had.. i start to think today, why i cant feel so happy everyday? is like i only feel so happy with good friends.. and sadly i can only meet them once in a while.. like 2 months or so.. in class.. herry and jess always mia.. then jun xiong is with kang an.. sam has to work.. left with the rest which i cant realli break into.. i mean i was close to pple like weihao, qq, jingfa and chang da.. but since when we drifted really apart. i don't noe why. there has been a few times they went out without calling me.. going for the movie we wanted to watch together themselves.. forming their small cliques.. i feel ostracised.. cant help but realli did.. i mean even felt far with weihao, who i shouldnt as we known from yr1.. i realli don understand. i mean sometimes i think back is it something i had done? and sometimes it landed myself to be really frustrated.. i dont wanted to but i jus cant be as natural and unrestrained like jx.. all these small things realli make me frustrated.. i am not angry at anyone.. but just i am frustrated.. with myself..

"你懂我吗?"

偶然在朋友“A” 的博克里看到这段话。当然也不禁开始问我自己同样的问题。有多少人懂我？

而我希望懂我的人，他懂我吗？

不知道。。也没有想过要去知道，可能是因为人本能逃避的心理吧。

最近好烦阿！考试时间表总算出来了。。就在三个星期后！真不敢相信时间是过得如此的快，这个考试一过我的yr 2 就过了一半了。然后毕业，当兵，再读书，找工作，结婚。。。有时真的不知道人生为什么一定要这样。这么stereotype. 我想做一些不一样的东西。。最近真的开始后悔当初没有坚持己见，而是乖乖听话的读商科。读理工学院真的是要读个自己有兴趣的科目。要不然真的很痛苦。当然现在都已经第二年了，说要换的话也已太迟，在此只好奉劝大家要好好做出选择，不要做会让自己后悔的事。虽然现在的成绩也渐渐上了跑道，但现在在这里，日子真的很不好过，这么多我不喜欢的module 缠着我，这么多的“人事纷争”，让我快要窒息。真的很希望能回到过去“单纯”的日子，老师会听你谈心事，帮助你，但你都知道他们不是只为工作，而是真的帮助我们。。同学们快快乐乐，和睦相处。没有虚伪，没有人会在后面插你一刀。

但是。。有可能吗？

流逝的时光是一去不返的。

我学会了不要那么在意一些事，不要让一些人影响我的情绪，心情。有时，握紧的手要放开，我们才能得到更多的东西。最近的一些事，也让我发现，很多事情都是双方面的。若只是我一个人在努力，这段友情是不可能可以work out 的。

突然好怀念从前。。有铠汶，慧云，月贵，慧珊，芝玮，碧云，lay yin, bethia 等着班好友的支持与鼓励；曾老师的教诲与鼓励。。

i'm tired. i find myself thinking too much of alot of thing.. mind too much of things. some things actually its ok if i don't have it, but i still brood over it.. jx have higher EQ than me.. the fact he can say "its ok not big deal", i find him much more succesful than me.

i mean, i cant really handle my emotions and thinking so well.. i gave some things too much weightage in my mind, even when they shouldn't be. maybe its cos i see friend as too important a topic.. even to the extend of to those who dun really take me that close as a friends.. but well i must learn from jx.. i still have him.. mm.. my sec sch buddies.. :)

some times i don't noe why you noe.. maybe true friends are hard to find.. maybe the saying "you can be class mates but not necessary friends" is right.. i can't help but feel it sometimes.. why leh? sometimes i see some pple.. i think they got attitude problem but then they can still find good friends.. then i start to think back.. issit cos i got attitude? worse attitude in fact? i mean its not that i like to judge pple. but it is bound to have pple that u might not like lor..

nowadays i don't noe wads the right thinking i should have.

well the pass few days had been quite enjoyable cos my aunt and uncle booked a chalet for the family! lol.. its not that king like downtown east but the bungalow type at changi! ours is the one in front of old changi hospital.. lolx.. din went down on the first day cos of lesson... so i went on the second day which is sat. had bbq and sorts of chalet activities.. and so is the next day.. overall its really fun! been yrs since we had this.. remembered when i was really young and we would make at effort to have at least once every yr.. those were the days lor.. that will never come back.. haha.. and i went up to the old changi hospital.. din went in cos there is dogs.. but just stood outside there see see lor.. was so famous.. abit wasted if i din visit when i was here.. lol.. and tell u wad the damned dog chased us! my cousin was like running but i pulled her.. cos if we were to run the dog will chase rite.. so we waited for a while with the dog next to us.. then slowly walk back... argghhh was her scream... lol... fun lor haha..


famous OCH

i saw david beckham!!! yes its the soccer superstar... not sure wad he is here for but he come to my school yesterday.. and there is like so many pple crowding at level 1,2,3,4.. just for a glimpse of him lol... and those stupid security and manager make us go back and back till we are like 6-8m away.. sianz.. i mean like we are not going to flock and just run towards him rite.. just let us stay closer to see mah.. might as well dont organise then no need scared us crowd lor. rite?

anyway.. got to see the REAL him.. haha.. and yea he is tall and handsome.. not so bad after all.. its like a real chance.. got to see free of charge.. some pple have to like pay a lot to see.. well i think thats the privileges we have as students.. hehe.


Beck is the guy in white

well maybe having the IOC in singapore isnt so bad after all.. bring in money.. bring in stars lol.. last night wad rather tired and dont want to study.. so i went down to esplanade alone.. some quality time alone. at the same time oso try my luck to see if there is fireworks for the opening of IOC. was like walking from there to merlion and back.. sitting down occasionally.. enjoying the breeze.. and yes my luck came when the firework starts at 2115hrs. that is like 1 hr 45 min after i reach here.. but like i said its so nice here to just relax so i wouldnt mind if there is no fireworks after all.. shall come here more often..


Din manage to get any pic of the fireworks but here is a nice pic of the beautiful landscape.

some people just cant be more mature.. i cant believe this happened!

why must you be probing into matters of others?
why must you look at someone's else's things?
why must you "announce" it out to everyone present?
why must you make fun out of it?
why must you tease?
is it any of your business?

just f**k off k.. for your info you are not really well liked by many.. and not many can tolerate your actions. personally it is not the first time i see you do this kind of thing. please change and be more mature.. please get a life! if this is what you are continueing to be i am really feeling very sorry for you.

past week has been enriching.. tues have jones concert, wed have initial d with junxiong, terence and mingxiang (thanks to alot who "forgot" us due to "miscommunication"), thurs have war of the worlds (very nice too and i may start to love waching movie alone.. special thanks to gary for your company). today went to grand hyatt for buffet! lolx. the straits kitchen is serving very nice food... i love the char kway tiao and fried rice. haha.. hmm.. next time it will be another choice for me to makan..

as for the previous movies, initial d isnt so bad. nice afterall.

war of the world, angry at first cos none wana acc me.. so for those who wana noe more.. sorry.. but the time is great with gary... cheers!