i think by now everyone around me would be freaked out by the word flash... haha.. all thanks to MMD ica.. personally i am very pek cek this morn cos there is alot of prob! eg. mask dun want to appear. words moves the wrong place. all sorts of nonsense. i nearly threw the com down from fsrc window. haha.. but again.. everyone is having the same old trouble.. so i shouldnt be so bothered.. haha.. must complete by this week cos its due on mon. summary and ps reports to be out soon cos its due after my block leave. project for fsrc. alot of stupid deadlines to meet!! sian.. but at the same time i find it quite challenging to run against time.. haha.. crazy me!!!

havent fall asleep in the bus till i miss a stop for a long time liao.. since tep starts havent yet.. but yesterday i missed the school stop and only woke up when the bus reaches amk interchange.. go home time also miss and today go home time again miss! sigh.. night night must sleep earlier wor.. i think i jus dun have enough sleep.. haha..

anw, mon was campus superstar.. so sian. very disappointed in who is eliminated. cos i think khim and yuyang is very good. for khim its very consistent that she sings well.. and for yuyang thou at first not really good, but i think he has improved alot!! since he sang feng i think he good liao lo.. but too bad he is out.. on the other hand i think that this round adriano and clara should be out.. clara i long long hope she is out liao cos i really think her voice weak lor.. and adriano.. at first i think he not bad too one.. but after that i feel he got abit pretentous.. abit act cute.. some of my friends think that his "cannot find the cam" look very cute.. but i am just wondering.. how come so many months of fliming liao.. still have so much difficulties to locate the machine EVERYTIME? but no doubt his singing is quite well la.. thou the last round i think he got try to cheat lor.. its suppose to be wu qu=u dance. but i see him like jump here jump there only.. not dancing.. well jus opinions la.. so ser ser weiling and shaune please dun be angry k? haha..

actually i dun really like this kinda shows.. cos think its not really fair la.. those really can sing ones out.. so far those i support their singing are khim, kenneth, yuyang, yvonne and one of the twins but i scared quote the wrong name so dun say which one. haha. i think kenneth most ke xi one lor so early out.. i think the revival he did well too.. but like i say too bad! but mum likes him too.. haha.. so maybe nex time you yuan he can sing for people again la! haha..

i got my grades for msc yesterday.. wad can i say.. quite disappointed ba..

cos i think all of us shd have a guage how much effort we have put in in everything we all do.. and thru my personal guage, i think i MAY get something a bit higher ba.. but the fact turns out to be otherwise..

i am not bothered by the grade. i am not sad. ok with it.. cos i think everyone thinks a diff way.. wad i think i did alot may be otherwise to others. so now, i think i have done what i think is correct ba.. i think i have did my personally best.. and i will look into the comments on my and change to a better person! *sounds quite complicated*

in short, i accept the comments on me and i will change for a better me!

so sad.. cos 2 days ago i made some one angry. and that person doesnt want to talk to me now.. wad to do wad to do??? yuan liang wo ba.. dun think he will see this post cos dun think he sees my blog.. haha.. but truely apologetic..

i think i am having big problems recently

i cant find the meaning of me being around
i keep on having this feeling that i am lost.. cant find my way ard in life

i cant find the recognition of my self that i need to have the confidence
cant find wad makes me worth to be around...

did alot of things. but nothing seems right.

very tired.. wad if.. we can stay at the yesterdays that we so longed to.. where nothing really goes wrong..

wad if..

was walking to my cousin's house last night with my shuffle. happens that the road doesnt have much cars.. and there is no one around also.. suddenly wanted to hear a song by jay... and before i know it, the next track is the song by jay.. "feng".

sometimes listening some songs at a certain time will make you have a special feeling.. walking on the road that has no one.. i suddenly felt that i am like sucked into the story of the song.. kept repeating the song..

do this survey?

for me to :
noe how much you noe me.
noe how much i noe bout myself

http://kevan.org/johari?name=keLz87

please leave ur real name so i noe hu is in.. haha.. thanks!!

been into fsrc for one week and today is the first day of the second week. havent reached on time AT ALL! shits.. i must be on time tml morn!!!

anyway, today is a historic day, cos for the first time in my life, i played D.O.T.A... haha all thanks to yonghui yeah! lol.. shall improve on it cos the first time i play.. i died for about 10 times!!! lol..

jiayou to me la.. haha..

i so feel i am a bad friend.

i weren't there when you needed a friend to be there for you.

and i didn't know wads happening to you.

being busy with tep is not a good excuse and i am not going to use it.

if you need someone to talk to tell me k?

last night went to watch FD3 with jieying, peisin, fishball, miss chia, cindy and ben. felt this is a bad show.. not really scary.. just very gross with the way people dies.. imagine suntanning and got burnt to death? buying fast food at the drive thru and get crashed? got nailed into ur head while u were working?

about scary and disturbing.. luckily we went in without eating... =p

yh is sick. plus other factors he didnt went with us to the movie. jess and lixiang didnt go too.. so.. fewer people went.. not like that time k so happening.. haha.. anw, after that we went to the arcade there to play for a while.. =)

had lotsa fun.. had lotsa bonding this two days.. the night before, also went supper with yh and fishball. was already home and sleeping when dear mr lim calls and ask me to go out for supper.. and i went lor.. cos spending time togethr isnt a bad idea after all.. especially its someone whom doesnt have communication prob with u.. we had chicken rice.. tau huay.. grass jelly.. and then we make our way home.. really just a few hours but enjoyed alot.. the feeling of out in the night is very different.. so.. maybe there will be more to come? but i hope that my financial status can allow me to do so ba.. otherwise.. i might even have problems for proper means in the future..

woots~! my msc days ended.. my fs days starting.. i dunno wad attitude and feelings i should have towards this new stop.. there will be new people.. and i need more time to noe them.. luckily dise and shaune is there too otherwise cant survive.. haha.. to dependent on my friends!

today i jus came to fs sign in only.. then i went down to handover finance to the new batch and then stayed there for the rest of the day.. hmm how shd i say.. maybe i am already used to msc environment? haha.. i misses the people.. seeing the familiar faces makes me so excited.. when i saw cheryl and jess we 3 so elated.. lol.. then after that cindy come also.. haha..

i think since i came to IM.. some ones i noe here changed me quite a lot.. having them as my friend made it easier for me to forget some "unhappy friends" that made me sad for quite some time.. well.. from them i also learnt that i should take things easier and i really feel that i am fortunate to have met them. for they have pampered me so much as a friend.. they will help me when some1 tried to bully me too! haha although i noe this sounded quite childish but thats how i really treasures these friends. lifes wouldnt be better if i have not met them. abit paiseh to mention names but they are: yh, J, Fishball, Icecream, JYz, PS, xiao yao jing, cDy, bONey. jus wanna say u guys really made my day!

also made great friends thru involvement of events and festive.. people like christine, christina, angelia and so on..

so.. i hope the new stop would be ok too! but i will definately miss IM days.. those tough and happy days where we are one!

yest is the last day at IM.. so she bu de.. had a farewell at the new IM.. MSC Bazaar.. where we ate and talked.. then after that helped out at the cheers stocktake.. went home at 11.. i think in my msc days its the time where i go home from school latest.. haa.. but its enjoyable cos we all worked together.. so.. anyway its still in school so i can still drop by often... no need to feel sad!

has there ever been enough communication?

i don't know.. i don't even noe how to react to the situation now...

was reading a dj's blog when i saw this:

"The question is: How to make a hardened heart...tender again?"

"Love is just that powerful yar? Love conquers all. But how many days...do we spend loving? We are so caught up with work...our own satisfaction...our own pleasures....our own possessions..."

meaningful huh.. so true yet so sad.. cos it shows we care too little for loved ones.. be it friends or everything.

time is scary.

within 6 months, i lost two of my best fren in school.

i never tot i would lose them. not once in the times we were together.

i saw this phrase sometimes ago. it says: time brought us together. it is also time which tores us apart. will the time bring us back?

i always tot.. time would only bring people closer.. will it tear us apart?

dun think so.. i seldom had problems with time.. like my old time buddy, gary, even thou now he has moved away from me and we are no longer in same class.. we still find time to be together.. and thats how i maintain our friendship..

i dunno about what others thinks.. but thats practically how i treat those friends that i cherishes.. for those that i have used to but now no longer do so, maybe there is some conflicts. but if u think that i am still worth to be ur friends why must i be the one to take initiatives?

have been taking initiatives. sometimes even wondering if i have did too much. fishball says that i am the kind of friend that get friendships moving.. but sometimes i feel i rather be those that is being moved. mayb i expected too much reciprocation and when i dun get it, i feel neglected. maybe thats also the reason why we fell out.

maybe one day, all would be back together.

omg. see this old torn evelope?


wondering wad can be inside when i saw this!


omfg.
wonder how mabel found this but it is so amazing to see these fotos after so long. haha. i has almost forgot when these fotos are taken and it took me alot of time to recall.. lol..

time does flies.. its been ten years since the foto is taken.. sigh.. i have also aged.. haha!

next station: FSRC

sian. this 3 stops didnt get into wad i want AT ALL!!!!!

knnb.

anyone got into the filming stopover wanna change with me?

had been thinking.. in the things i have been doing, had i did my best? how do the others think of it? maybe.. they think i have not been doing a good job..

thats the feeling i have been feeeling since tep started.. dunno why but then maybe i have too little confidence of myself ba..

sigh.

today i saw someone. a used to be super close friend.

well its used to be cos something happened in the middle..

should have say hi but was jus too busy dashing around trying to finish my work.. dunno if i will be misunderstooded as being tao. haha. dunno if he will see this post.. last time he used to always read one.. but now i dunno lor.. haa..

many say i shd take initiatives.. but actually i am quite scared that history repeats itself. that is why till now.. i shuts myself alot from this friend. i dunno if he finds that i am at fault too.. cos this wound is never talked about.. it was kept in the heart.. kept and kept.. till one day i cant stand it and it exploded and we havent been talking since. maybe it should have been talked about since the early stage.. but it was not.. maybe that is why things have turned to this stage ba.. thats y i told ben and kailing today, i am actually quite scared to go back to classical. cos going back to class means that we will be meeting each other everyday. its not cos i hate u or what.. but its jus sometimes when i think back on the happy and sad times, i feel very sad. cos i dunt noe what has caused things to land to this stage.

will things turn to better? i dont know.. maybe it will.. but i dunt know how much confidence i can give to myself...

helo.. many days never blog properly liao lo.. this new year has been average.. the atmosphere has been getting less.. but i still try to go to some friend's house for visits so that it will have more qi fen.. haha. so far been to layyin, mabel, gary, bethia's house. still got a few more to come but i don't think ther will be any from my poly classmates except lijuan. =)

anw.. january is also the birthday month! hehe. my first present is from herry dear and jessamine.. a nice jacket. first celebration is with mr lee and xueyi and cheewai. and there is also makan with my sec school frens and cutting cake in school with msc peoples... haa.. this year it has been quite eventful.. thou some1 missed out on this occasion and "forgot" to wish me.. i try to console myself by saying maybe they are busy.. dunno lor.. i tot we were very good friends but u all actually forgot this day.. haha.. not that i want presents.. but actually a would be very happy if i am wished "happy birthday" jus a wish will be very good liao.. =) but since its passed then i also ok liao lor..

today is seventh day of chinese new year.. haha

happy birthday to everyone!

cos seventh day is suppose to be ren ri. birthday of everyone. hehe.