Wednesday, February 14, 2007

圆满落幕

We are all finally going to split our ways... maybe we will never meet again.. maybe we will.. but it is always hard to hold on sometimes... The "missing each other" thing will haunt me bad.. somehow, its the end of 3 years of happiness and unhappiness in nyp.

i will miss everything that i have over here.. be it good or bad, it all belongs to me!!

*****

last day today. as da jie says: being the most noisy class to make our presence felt, i think we carried our name well. haha.

Joan says:
3 years ago, I started my poly journey with BM0411! Although we were into different group of friends, different CCAs, we still go for our long lunch breaks together, trying to sleep in the small discussion room at the library and do many crazy things!

Kel says:
i am so glad i am part of it! those days we had!!


stayed back at ltc after the final class - imc lecture. had lotsa fun taking pics and all!!


darren, jx, herry, me, ka

kk and herry - bro since yr 1

yen, kel, rena

kel and sam

dise, xy, kel

kel and hao

kel and carrie took this pic...

and the next moment alot of people suddenly appear behind us! haa.

JJJ + sam

class tradition - tau pok!

Alert: R21 contents! omg look at jx's expression!

another R21 pic!

show da asses!

we're all L wannabes

"formal" pic. actually look more like family pics taken in the 80s or earlier..

relax!

*****

so right now.. thats the end FOR THE TIME BEING while we all chiong for the last lap.. the camping at the library at the end of every sem is what we do!!! and its also something that will be deeply missed!! =) jia yous everyone of us!

presenting the ALMOST complete BM0431-BL!

happy v dae!!

to everyone! who says it can only be celebrate with girlfriends and boyfriends??

so.. everyone happy ah!!! no date also must happy. cos ur family love u too. friends love you too. ^^

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

yay-ness

with the end of IB presentation today, it officially marks the end of all assignments we have in nyp. now its only left with tmr's last lectures and then its the exam..

its a.. mixed feelings.

i can still vividly remember jus not long ago, i enter nyp very "fresh". with no one familiar ard. right now 3 years had passed without knowing and i am going to leave liao! of cos, with alot of dear ones ard me..

everyone was saying.. its ok cos friends will still stay ard to support you.. but i know that things just arent going to be the same le.. right now its we see each other everyday of cos the bond is stronger de rite.

stone says:
tings will bee fine.
dun be so insecure la.
have faith in ur frenz.
hahaha !

yups. right now whats bugging me is the sense of in-security. maybe its cos i arent a fren good enough.. thats y i am feeling it.. =(

*****

anw, as the proj ends, i suddenly feels v empty. cos had been having all the sleepless and tired nites last week, the sudden relax-ness makes me feel so empty. but i cherish it hor. not easy to have a rest. haha!

*****

how shd i face tmr? last day. emo. i hate this kinda feeling.

Monday, February 12, 2007

电影 [生日快乐]

yups. finally watched that show. its a nice one. 平平淡淡的感动,总是最真实,最能打动人。

小米与小南之间,存在着一种微妙的关系。在一起?还是分了?旁人都不是很清楚。小南曾说过,不管他换了多少女朋友,他都会等小米,除非小米结婚,否则他不会放弃。 一度以为他忘了这个誓言,但在片末,却发现他从来没有。

离开以后,小南要全部人不让小米知道。是爱她?想保护她?还是自私?或许只有小米知道。


*****


[生日快乐]原文,取自《我想跟你走》


那天是我的生日,遇上了七级台风,外头的风雨真的很大,大得让人心慌,这种时候,除了担心灾情,也会想像那些跟我一样独居的孤男寡女的心情。

就在这时候,电话响了,小米打来的。落寞地问:“你在干嘛?”

我说:“没啊!呆着呢!”

小米是我多年的好朋友,平时不常联络,或者说,只要她出现,肯定有事。当然她也可以这样形容我。

我问她:“又怎么了?”

她说:“没啊……”

沉默了一阵子,她才悠悠地说:“已经过三十六个小时了,他都没有e-mail来。”我先是一头雾水,接着想起前天就是小米的生日。她有一个相交十多年的前男友小南,即便分手很久了,两人平时也不联络,但每年两个人的生日,他们必定相互问候对方。



小米有点轻描淡写,但我知道她伤得很深。她就是那种越轻描淡写伤势越严重的类型。

但要说她在乎的是小南,不如说要命的是生日。每当生日快到的时候,小米就开始陷入一种焦虑,那是一种既兴奋又注定要受伤害的气氛。是因为年龄与日俱增吗?还是因为适婚年龄已过?但这又是每个都会单身女性的问题,小米又何苦为难自己?

以上只是我的猜测,因为我知道小米不太喜欢听到人家说“生日快乐”,连我跟她这样的朋友,在她生日的时候,都不会去自讨没趣。但小米同时又不高兴人家提都不提她的生日,好像她降临这个世界没有任何重要性。是啊,谁要那种全人类都不记得自己生日的感觉呢?

对于这种天人交战的难题,她的处理方式是,在生日的那天,关掉手机,拔掉家里电话,不上网。矫枉过正吗?应该说把头藏在沙堆里是小米的拿手绝活。

小南是小米的初恋情人,那年,小米十七岁。十七岁的失恋跟谈恋爱好像一样剧情单纯,当事人以为自己的故事很壮烈,观众看起来不过如此。

他们分手后的十年之间,都维持当好朋友,甚至当初小米去欧洲学音乐,也是小南鼓励她的。他说他们的相处方式已经走进死胡同,小米太依赖他了,如果小米不暂时离开,她的人生就完了。那年,他考上交大,小米只是补习生。

于是小米真的走了。

而她的人生当然也就不一样了。



后来不管身边换了多少对象,他们都保持一种奇妙的伙伴关系。小南在小米出国期间,甚至常常去找小米的爸爸聊天,表明不管他换了多少女朋友,他都会等小米,除非小米结婚,否则他不会放弃。

这种说法听起来很滑稽,但是很动人,小米每每听到,虽然嘴里说死也不会嫁给小南,但还是沾沾自喜。

小南去维也纳找过小米一次,两个人一起度过三天,第四天小南就不见了,留下一张纸条,“我在台湾买了一张环欧火车票,我要好好利用……”

小米回国后,就在一家打击乐教室教小朋友,小南即便当时不乏风流韵事,只要小米一通电话,小南都会出现。小米对他的依赖不是生活上的,更多的是精神上的。每当小米感情受挫时、工作不顺时、对自己缺乏信心时,她就需要小南的“诺言”来当作自己的强心针。

这些年当中,他们也曾经试图在一起,毕竟互相取暖的两个人,火花是取之不绝的。但是复合的第一个礼拜,两个人都变得无话可说,压力大到令人窒息,于是再来整整三个礼拜没有联络!

小米告诉我,就在他们谈好分手的那个晚上,他们去吃饭,两个人又回到了以前一样,滔滔不绝,甜言蜜语。

小米常常说小南很了解她,或者说,因为他们很像,都不能忍受跟另一个生物腻在一起太久,所以他们之间的距离总是刚刚好。刚刚好到“现在什么都没发生,但是永远都有可能会发生什么”。



一天,小南打电话给小米,说找她吃饭,小米说过一会儿要去上班,现在不想出门。于是他买了三明治去她家,吃完小米赶着出门,他送她去,经过安和路信义路口的婚纱店(现在挂着林志玲的海报),他突然问小米:“你如果结婚,会拍哪一种婚纱照?”

小米把脸一扬,冷冷地说:“最讨厌婚纱照了,如果结婚才不要拍照,麻烦死了!”

“我同意,麻烦又浪费钱。”小米相信小南在暗示什么,虽然小米还是觉得自己不会嫁给他。

两天之后,小米去看《落跑新娘》,出了戏院听手机留言,是小南,“我要结婚了,新娘你不认识,我一直没跟你讲,因为不到最后一秒,我都不能确 定。对不起啦。我什么事都跟她说,她不相信我们只是朋友,所以我必须很正式跟你说,我们只是朋友,我爱的人是她,她现在就在我身边……”

这世界上有比这个更滑稽的事情吗?

他高兴跟谁结婚就跟谁结婚,那是他的自由,但他有必要一直隐瞒吗?不到最后一秒不能确定?那他根本就是永远不能确定!他们要怎么拍结婚照,那 是他们家的事,有必要来告诉我吗?这是“朋友”的行为吗?还有,最不可原谅的,有必要在她面前打电话来羞辱我吗?“不把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上”, 这不是小学生都知道的公民道德吗?

小米在手机里说她没有掉眼泪,她说她很好,终于解脱了,不用再为小南的幸福负责,所以开着她的黑色吉普车把台北市绕了三圈,她说,她觉得很可笑,对于过去的十三年都相信他的诺言,可笑的是自己。我说这一圈绕完就回家吧。

后来小南是何时结婚的,我们并不知道,起码这群至死护卫小米的朋友都不知道,只知道从消息曝光那天开始,再也没人从小米口中听到小南这两个字。

故事并没有结束。



小米一直到今天才跟我说。

其实这几年每到生日,她都会收到他的e-mail

就是一句话——

Happy Birthday

每一封她都存起来。

每隔六个月,小南生日的时候,小米就把同一封信回传给他。

我笑她那么沉得住气,那么耍心机,小米说:“我连他结婚的事都没问过……多写一个字,都会心痛……”

于是每一年的生日祝福,就是惟一可以知道他还活着的方式,或者说,知道他还有一点点在乎自己的方式。今年生日已经过了,已经过了三十六个小 时,小米都没有收到小南的讯息,她开始慌了。我要她直接写信去问。“那怎么可能……他忘了就忘了吧!”说这话的时候,小米的声音像是一口水咽不下去。

几天过后,我收到小米的简讯。

“今天晚上十一点五十六分我才收到他的祝福。

原文如下 There are things I care about everyday but can only say it once a year. Sorry about the delay. (有些事我每天都挂念,但只能一年说一次。迟到了,对不起。)

几天后,无意间在路上碰见初中同学,他是刚从上海回来的,聊天时我好奇地问起小南,同学跟我说,你不知道他已经走了吗?

“去哪儿了?”

同学说:“天国。”

然后是可想而知的短暂对话,“不好笑”,“你有看到我在笑吗?他走了快一年了。”

我感到一阵晕眩,晕眩过后,我想到小米。为什么这么大的事我们没人知道,小米也不知道?因为我们从小南说要结婚之后,就几乎拒绝听到任何有关他的消息。但前几天的那封e-mail是怎么回事?

我翻出早已不用的通讯录,壮着胆子打去小南的家,也不知号码是否还管用。



一个年轻女人接起了电话,说是小南的姐姐。我表明身份,问候了几句,最终忍不住问了她,如果小南早就不在,怎么会有e-mail?她哭了出来,小心翼翼地 跟我说:“请不要再追究这件事,这是小南走之前要我帮他做的。他要我每年帮他发一次e-mail,我忘了,过了快一个礼拜才想起来。”小南姐姐要我守住秘 密,但这样的事怎么可能瞒得了永远呢?

但要我去跟小米戳破,那也是不可能的,要讲也不会是我讲。我跟小南姐姐多问一些情况,病因是脑肿瘤,时间呢,发现时是四年前,后来都在大陆寻求另类疗法。四年前?那不就是小南给小米留话说要结婚的那年?

“那小南的太太呢?”

“什么太太?小南没有结婚啊!我们家人都知道他一直在等小米啊!”

接下来我在电话里足足沉默了三十秒。

我在想,这是怎么回事?或者说,我已经猜到怎么回事,但我在怀疑,这怎么可能?这一切是小南的安排吗?什么?假装闪电结婚,从此消失,一年一 次生日问候,一直到……要一直到什么时候?他要小米对他死心,然后让小米知道他永远记得她。这是爱吗?这世界上有这样的爱吗?这不是通俗小说里的情节吗? 但它又远比小说情节真实、充满细节,小南、小米在我脑海里栩栩如生,他们的忧伤欢笑,那不是演出,是漫漫时间长河中的呼吸。

我全身的汗毛都竖了起来,那是在我挂上电话,走到巷口看着路上熙熙攘攘的人群时。我需要盯着一个个陌生的人,来让自己缓缓回到现实。我会先回到现实,然后再重新一点一滴让自己进去小南的世界,去感受他感受的,去编织他所编织的。

我不确定我能感受到什么程度,但我知道,每一年每一年,有三个日子对我来说是永远地改变了,小米的生日、小南的生日,和我自己的生日。

Thursday, February 08, 2007

my horoscope today

You might be in a social mood, Kelvin kho, so try not to let your chores and projects get in the way of making contact with friends. You could enjoy inviting a buddy out to lunch. Have some fun talking about your lives. Lighten up a bit. Joke around and lose yourself in laughter. Try not to take life so seriously, because it will only drag you down! You'll feel better if you can be more lighthearted.


gee! i jus said no to Yao when he ask me out for dinner.. gotta do the exec sum for smk leh.. sigh.. of not we could have had a nice chat.. =(

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Get Well Soon.

went to NUH today to visit Dilah.. quite a few of us went.. she met an accident a few days ago and both her and her bf was hurt. got the news the that day where we were all crazy rushing for the projs, and i think all of us are more or less affected.

happy that she is already recovering. cos as told there is less bandages already, and she has transfered to a lower risk ward. she is really strong. so is her parents. i know that she will recover fast.

but still.. i dun really like that feeling of being in the hospital.. it makes me feel very.. heavy all the time. i think i was abit too emo today..

life is just too fragile, very! last week, we are all still in a class studying together. this week, we have to visit her in the sicu. it set me thinking of a lot of things.. we all will never know whats going to happen the next day.. its a known fact, but did we do anything about it? we still "waste" our days away not cherishing.. sigh..

being at the icu also made me thot of the time where my grandfather was hospitalised. also at icu. i hesitated at the door before i enter the room. for a moment, i tot that maye i werent prepared to go in.. but well i still went ahead with dise.. cos i tot i shd give dilah my support for her la.

hope she will recover real soon.

hope i will feel less emo.

quotes: from Sammy.Bear

Sometimes in life,
you get so caught up in your pursuit of what you determine is right
that you neglect the more important things around you.
What price would you pay to make a point?
Know that I would rather die a failure
then forsake all those around me.
Because I know i bring to my grave
not plaques of my achievements.
But flowers of condolence and tears of thanks
from lives that i've touched with my two bare hands.


-The Reflecting Bear

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

D R A I N E D to the core..

last nite didnt really sleep.. spliting headache now i think its due to the lack of sleep! T_T

anw, i love today's crm presentation!! its so challenging, its so fun. one of the most memorable proj in nyp. *rena,shixiang,wanyen,dorence,yongsheng you guys are the best!!!* think we did a not bad job..

this week is a very tiring week! i hope i still got energy to go and cut my hair this thurs..

*****

projs arent going that smooth.. sometimes i jus wished i am more resourceful and able to produce quality work up to my team's std.. i know i dragged them down in some projs.. i'm really sorry..

Monday, February 05, 2007

late nites.

having another late nite again! tmr is the submission for Ib and Imc.. therefore resulting in the late nite again. i jus found out today that we actually have presentation whole of this week.. meaning everyday formal!! *horror horror* i am worried that i might fall AGAIN in that pair of leather shoe. its giving me hell..

6 presentations this week. woohoo! is shiok de lo.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

now playing: 梁静茹 - 纯真


have been viewing the gallery of karllong yesterday and was fascinated by the effects polaroid cameras can give. i am so tempted to get one myself too! but wells.. dun have the $, dun have the time. anw, singapore doesnt have that much of things to take too.. the pics are nice cos of the images on it!

anw, this pic featured here.. its a simple one with no nice effects. nothing at all. jus a simple plain pic. but in it. theres some people sitting together admiring the fireworks.. some thing that i likes too! and how nice is it that u can enjoy things you like with some good friends ard you? something that i dun really get to do often but i think its ok too.. being alone is not so bad either la. better than having some "frens" ard you but mentally they are not there, or they are jus going for the sake of going or what so ever reasons.

back to the main track - shd i get that polaroid cam?

******

ten more days in sch where i can still mix with everyone as a class, where we can still hang out THAT often. everything is ending jus too soon!! its not really the school that i miss la.. to be exact, its the people that makes everything wonderful. dunno how this 3 years would be if not for these people that i meet.

i agree, not every meeting brings happiness. but even with those people i dun like, i learn something from them too! so i am thankful that once in my life, i meet them too.

hitsu says, its the reality in life that people come and go. friends we have right now, will leave eventually too. 所谓天下无不散之宴席. but still.. the thought that we are not meeting that more often anymore.. we are all heading to diff paths.. all the facts makes me very sad.

how easy is it for you to find someone that u can consider them as your good friend? it was never easy. never ever. but still thru out this 3 years, i do. i would not say that i am their best friend, but what i know is that they are mine, and thats enough. i know that i can rely on them when i feel troubled, when i have joys, when i need some one. it doesnt matter if they always find you or not. but the fact that they are willing to be there for me is enough to make me happy.

i know, that we will definatly be unable to meet up that often.. but we will all still meet up rite? maybe by then, 曾经失去过得我们,才会更珍惜.

tEr says: now i will cherish what i have.. as much as i can.. and certaintly amongst so many things.. i am going to cherish all my friends.. fate bought all of us together and we became good friends.. friends that will forgive and forget..

KA says: fate made our path interwine and we all meet and become friends... it will definitely be something nice to think about when i am old... what great friends I had...

ChUa says: and i'm sure they will be ard to carry my coffin when i die.
at least i hope some will.

Hao says: Friends or foes (hopefully not!) in nanyang polytechnic that i've made, i think it is time we forgive and forget. Let it be a lesson that have changed you.

and KK says: i am happy we all cherish each other!

Friday, February 02, 2007

KK = Flop

haha! as expected. didnt pass napfa.. but i break the zero record for chin up! i got do ONE ok!!! haha.. Broad jump as usual fail. i dun even bother to jump the second time.. cos i noe i sure cant make it de.. the run is another killer.. but i am proud that i completed the whole 2.4!!! KA that flop didnt finish! haha...

after that was bball with the gang.. actually i jus 客串 for like 15 min? i am really a flop in bball lo! i actually passed the ball to my oponents.. -_-" dinner is at the zi cha outside school.. and so the day ends with sores and pains all over.. i must start to train up!!!

*****

right now on kam's msn nick:

its easy for pple to spot ur not-so-frequent mistakes and remember how disappointed they are with u, but they fail to recall how much you've helped them go thru all their adversities.

good arent it? i think it speaks of alot people's feelings right now la.. but definately not mine! =P

DAMMIT!!!

I better go and watch happy birthday fast before anyone else reveals more of the details to me!!! Please all spoilers dun let me noe the details!! i wanna enjoy the show!!!

quotes: from DTF

难道,
幸福得放弃些什么,才可拥有??
快乐得学会些什么,才会开心??

Thursday, February 01, 2007

F A I L

it suck to know that you are going to fail in something you are going to do. and whats worse? you still have to do it no matter what.


and i am talking about the napfa test tmr!!!

sians. pull up fail, 2.4 fail, broad jump fail!

some things cant be forced.. i will hand it to the government to help me pass them in the future.. hohoho!

12 more days to...

Hao and ChUa has a daily updated count down at their nick for the days we have left at nyp.

its kind of a mixed feeling yea.. 3 years here in the campus going thru one of the phrase of my life that is supposedly to be the most wonderful one. i shant say that i have not enjoyed at all.. therefore theres a mixed feelings of love and hate here la..

well, every coin has it's two sides. theres happiness, then theres bound to be things that u dislike, am unhappy about. thats life! gotta live with it!

cherish the last 12 days yea! too many things is happening and i cant control all of them.. jus hope that every thing will turn out well!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

同学,听说你来过。

low level of productivity at this moment!! getting tired too.. zZz.. going to sleep soon! has been wondering ard.. surfing.. tried to do some IB research thou.. and found something good. wohoo!

*****

你无需匿名的。敢做,就要敢当嘛!还是你早已习惯如此地偷偷摸摸了?

xu wei lun died in a car accident

i dun really know her well.. cos i dun catch many of those taiwan dramas.. my sis watch them and i do catch a glimpse or two of her in one of that show.. most of the impression were from those variety shows..

was still half sleepin yest morn when i hear cruz talking about her on the morn show yest.. cant recollect much but there is only a sentence that i clearly remembered:

活着的人才是最痛苦的


how true.. the one who survived and lived.. have to go through the hardship and heart pain of losing your loved one.

*****

珍惜,珍惜,珍惜…平时这些话听起来似乎无关痛痒.

在这个时候,每个人才会说珍惜身边的一切…

失去后才懂得拥有的珍贵,太迟了…

是热闹的咯!

我喜欢。

KK and Sammy's Prata Adventure

the piece of the sky that we wanna own.


kk and sam.

athar is opened for us!

da food.

its da night out with sam for some yummy pratas at athar. a night where we shared thots, we exchanged opinions and a nite that is enjoyed. dun have to elaborate much! cos its all engraved into my mind already.. =)

thanks for being there buddy!

Monday, January 29, 2007

O M G

i am amazed.

nowadays, those thats in the wrong talks louder it seems.

anw, i jus wanna say, dun need to have a lot of 小动作。

i am just execising my right to write what i feel on my peer apraisel form. if u want to look at what that is meant to be private and confidential, then i have no comments about it. why fret if u have done nothing wrong.

say i m pathetic? nope i am not. do i look like i am anything near disturbed? in fact i am amused at how things is progressing..

well, at least i have the guts to voice out my thoughts. and i dun have to be a whimp trying to hide it. CH, you can voice out ur unhappiness openly with my name there. CD, you can say fuck and scold me ass infront of me too. not many people see if you only put at ur msn nick. well who knows. i may have more people hating me. 3 is jus a number that is too humble.

Happy hating me! first 5 members to Hate-Kelvin union gets a free tee-shirt!




edit: this will be the only post i post.. cos i am not interested i a blog fight or what so ever.. i am just saying my thought! dun like can dun see.. or can go back to ur blog scold me.. haha..

Thursday, January 25, 2007

talk with tEr + ramdom thots.

i mixed feeling about ns
the good pt abt ns is the fitness, new knowledge, experience and people
the bad thing is cut hair, do shit stuff and stupid pay.. haha


i was chatting with tEr jus now on msn and we felt that time jus flew past so fast.. my 3 year in nyp is coming to an end soon and a new phrase is starting. i was telling tEr i hope the time will pass as fast as i am in nyp..

time do fly fast! seemed like jus yest when i was still a freshie.. sometimes, i do hope that time can be turned back.. but we all noe that s not possible yea?

*****

its that annual open house again! get flocks of peeps coming in to sch to have a look.. and get cheated to enroll here.. haha! ok life's here arent that bad.. but wells.. no one will every be satisfied with what they have yea?

i would just say that i am happy here in nyp cos i get my diploma, i get to meet nice people, i also met nasty ones that taught me somethings in my life..

nyp arent that bad afterall!!!

*****

oh yea. while in school today, i saw sam and his band performing for the open house. the band's name is lucid dream. and that guy who sang is good yea. sometimes i do envy friends like sam. cos they get to accomplish some things that they wanted. hmm.. i will work hard to mine too!! =)

*****

today on the way back home, was accompanying rena at yck mrt to wait for hc.. then rena's friend "michh" came and we all chatted.. it was jus a small chat..

guess wat? she actually remembered my name.. and i dunno how but she found her way here! seeing her tag on my board i am surprise la.. at the same time i feel that she is a friendly girl.. who actually makes an effort to say hi.. think the world is too "cold" le.. the world needs more people like this so that the planet will be a nicer one to live in!!

hello michh!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

B L A C K

did i mention that i have dyed my hair? yea.. AGAIN! lol.. last nov, i dyed it bright. but the color has since worn off and it looked as if it is chao ta. so....


I DYED IT BLACK.

hohoho.. decided on that color.. cos i think after all the original color fits me better.. and everyone is dying their hair colored! as me remaining it black will make it look special laa.. or so at least i thot. haha.

*****

24012007-2051

i am feeling some foul mood right now. i freaking HATE THIS FEELING!!!!

*****

had the IB test today.. everything shd be ok.. dun dare to expect for good grades but just hope that i will get something decent.. had been mugging alot recently.. i jus feel so drained. am looking forward to a long holiday where i can rest..

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

S I C K

i jus hate to fall sick when projects and icas are at its DEADline.. ie - now! the due dates are already clashing, and i would ended up doing badly for either the test or the presentation. to make things worse, illness sinks in and boo!

today's smk is a close shave. yest was really a bad day and its not easy to squeeze things into ur brain when u are on medication la.. but i think i did ok for the paper.. so far dun dare to t hink of the IB tmr yet!! am prepared for the worse. =(

tis two weeks is going to be a tight one! with all the due dates of icas coming.. i can feel the heat burning now!! gotta buck up le.. hope that as exam nears, i wud not fall sick! *cross fingers.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

now playing: 周杰伦/温岚 - 祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有无法控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难
想切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的
你拿走的一切

还爱你带一点恨
还有时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐

Thursday, January 18, 2007

i need an outlet.

i must stop making myself feel so stressed.

i must stop myself from the emotional overturing i am having right now.

i jus feel like going to the beach right now.. i miss the peacefulness and tranquility i can get there... heart is in a deep whirlpool of mess....



its just two years ago can.. even thou i looked fatter, but i am much more happier. looked more carefree and smiled more widely!





will i be able to do it again?

电影 [生日快乐]


他爱她。她也爱他。

大学毕业后,他和她没有在一起。他和她成为了比好朋友还好的朋友。

过了一阵子,他去了美国,而她之后去了日本。出现在他们身边的人不只一个。

再过一阵子,他和她在香港团聚。

但他和她还是没有在一起。

每年生日,她就等他的生日祝福。

There are things that I care about every day. But I can only say it once a year.

生日快乐



another must watch show of the year!

*****

last nite was at kang an's 21st. a small celebration at indo chine the nude restaurant. food's great! jus that the service there arent good.. and the kitchen's abit slow..





got KA a tee from M:Industries. hope that he likes it ba.. theres more then 10 of us there.. hope he is happy and enjoyed the day! 21 le.. the key to freedom..

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

IMC part 1 down.

happy like a little bird. finally its over! no amount of words can describe how i feel right now. its like the tonnes of weights is gone! *okok.. i noe still got alot more icas to rush.. T_T *


presentation is soso. herry says i presented wrongly. anw, i was on time for rehearsal but everyone's late. still say i will late. HAHA.

so sians. skipped the lecture and SBM day.. abit no point to go also. haha.




ok i gotta go prepare now! going out for KA's 21st!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

逃。

"... a lot of things, if you grab too hard, you'll lose it. if you don't grab it at all, you'll lose it too..."

depressing but true...


*****




i wanna run. i wanna run far far away.

i gonna explode! can feel the tension of the deadlines coming.. gastric, spinning headaches, just to name a few. the serious deprive of sleep is also driving me up my corner..


dun worry, i am not crying. my eyes are teary not cos i am tearing.. just that my eyes are too tired! sianz. i wonder how i will survive in ns.. maybe i cant leh also never noe rite. haha.

ok my head is spinning again. i better hit bed now or i think i cant wake up tmr morning for IMC presentation.

Monday, January 15, 2007

disgusting. pukes.

【绝对】 文海:决赛有我和世维,会更好看!


woa. super bhb to say this of himself. i cant believe it!


孙文海则表示,“我和世维,一个有歌声;一个有舞台魅力,整个show将更有看头。”意思浅浅?!

actually, his singing is ok. but i dun like it when the judges are not doing justice to other contestants. like the fast and slow song round. he sang a ROCK song *note: not a fast but a rock one* and DID NOT dance at all. not to the theme at all. but yet he got the highest score. and he is super EMO!!

sometimes it jus make him quite fake yea? he cries everytime, regardless he is in or he is out. ok its quite reasonable when he is eliminated.. but those times that he got to go to the next stage? sometimes i wonder if its tears of relief that his money spend on voting isnt wasted and he can continue the journey..

孙文海:“我以为会和世维一起进入决赛”


一直以来,孙文海是众参赛者眼中的劲敌。他曾经在酒廊驻唱,经验丰富,歌艺比其他参赛者都好。

这一次出局,他坦言不无失望。昨晚他在台上演唱告别歌曲《如果爱》时,还一度语气哽咽,泪洒舞台。

“我哭,是因为我无法和好朋友世维一起进入总决赛。比赛前几天,我们已经讲好了,希望最后进入总决赛的是我们两个人。”

“我们一个靠声音、一个靠舞台魅力,这样整个show应该会很好看。没想到错过了这个机会。”


呃……就是说陈铿百没有声音也没有舞台魅力啦?!(记者来找碴)
“也不是这么说啦。铿百的进步大家都看得到。他唱《寂寞公路》(第四场复赛)的时候,我就觉得他也是一个‘强敌’。但是我和道文、世维、乐声、坊林的感情都很好……人都是自私的吧。如果让我选的话,我当然希望我们五个人都可以进入最后5强。”

这么说,你会把票投给好兄弟世维啰?
“铿百和世维都很棒,但是以专业的角度来看的话,我会投给世维;他在翻身赛之后越战越勇,舞台魅力无法挡。”

陈世维翻身成功之后,奋起直追,屡创高分。孙文海和陈世维从初赛开始,就已结成好朋友,孙文海还不是指点陈世维,教导他如何突围。没想到,现在自己反而被淘汰。陈世维扮猪吃老虎?!


你一直强调自己的实力不俗,出局因素是……

“我不是对自己的实力有信心,而是受到很多圈内人的肯定……我会出局,可能是缺少了铿百和世维所拥有的可爱和魅力。”

“当然,观众投票也是关键之一啦。我身边的人都收入平平,有朋友打了很多通电话,可是一分钱都没有跟我收,我觉得这个比赛让我感觉到家庭的温暖和朋友的友谊。”


你的粉丝不多,是不是因为看起来太凶?

“我不这么认为。之前我唱《微尘》的时候已经把摇滚的感觉改掉了。实力嘛,我是有一点啦;就是差了世维的魅力和铿百的可爱啰。”终归一句,就是外型“累事”啰。

一路走来,亲身体验之后,我们请孙文海告诉大家,SuperStar须具备什么条件?


“你必须有陈世维的舞台魅力、陈铿百的可爱、张乐声的声音,还有我的vocal power,哈哈!没有啦……其实我觉得SuperStar应该抱有活到老学到老的态度,谦虚的态度,不断学习、不断往上爬,加强自己的音乐知识。”


daren arent that well either? his dance steps are ok.. but this is a singing comp.. not dance floor la! that one is channel 5. last week i nearly threw up when he sang ju hua tai. wrong pronunciation of words.. wrong feeling.. everything feel so wrong. he let the song down. and i dunno how come he can still get so high scores.. week after week. his wu tai mei li is also ok only. generally i think that this time round, the contestants are not as good as those two years ago.. i think this time round.. we do have alot of entertainers.. but not a real superstar.

who wins or not dun really matters anw. its a reality tv show in disguise of a competition. who noes if mediacorp did anything to the results? or what so ever? its all well kept under the carpet.. so we just take it as entertainment lo.



*note all quotes from www.channelu.sg*

Saturday, January 13, 2007

day out. with hitsu.






we're supp to meet to go to the ntu talk at suntec followed by the national library.. but things are all so not in place to day. didnt go to any of the planned places.

cos time is changed. cos i was late. we didnt go to the talks. instead walked ard suntec and looked at alot of things. bumped into liqin, my sec sch class mate. talked for a while before we continue and finally enter carrefour, where we spent hours in there! shopped for some sushi.. and the drink - DUTCH LADY BANANA MILK the all time fav. other misc stuff includes breads for tmr breakfast and stuff.

"hi tea" is at the suntec fountain, where we got some sunlight. thats followwed by the walk along the river bank where we enjoy the sky, sea, land, breeze and everything. walked to esplanade where we rested for a while before miting her bro and mum to have dinne. pretty nervous cos its the first time la... but wells things turned out quite well. her bro is a farnie and humorous person, and mum is cheerful and friendly too. the dinner is great! everything is great.. =)

*****


frenship is fragile
both muz noe hw 2 act & react
nt every1 noe hw 2 reflect
so time sumtimes cn kill

yes i so agree with what manda has said. i think i am one who dont really know what is the right way to react ba.. thats y i always can only feel sad, frustrated.

sometimes i felt i have really let down those friends who care for me. but wells..

now playing: 娃娃 - 大雨

说真的我不是故意
看见你和她在街头伫立
我在犹豫该不该逃避
还是让你看见我在这里

天空间飘来的雨

滴滴洒落在我心里
我在怀疑该不该躲你
该不该躲这场雨

大雨就要开始不停的下
我的心我的心已经完全的没有主张
带我到没有爱情的地方哦

大雨就要开始不停的下
我的心我的心已经完全的失去方向
带我到没有爱情的地方

*****


its raining again.. sianz.. the big big rain makes me sleepy all the time and extremely emo.. feeling so blue!

sometimes recently, this song kept coming into my mind when it rains. but wells, not always la! quite an old school retro song.. but its still nice!

满城尽带黄金甲

菊花残满地伤
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠我心事静静躺
北风乱夜未央
你的影子剪不断
徒留我孤单在湖面成双

*****

this show is fab! met up with mabel after sch to catch it.. was supposed to have catch it some time ago but was delayed till today.. and also its been quite some time and not many slots le.. lucky we settled at lido otherwise i believe it would have been alot of disappointment!

*sidetrack* next time dun go lido.. the seats is so... =X uncomfortable!

overall i think its a good show with a quite interesting story? or maybe it was cause of the cast ( and some say the way they are dressed)? but wells, jay has to improve his acting ba? haha..

high entertainment, scenes of the ju hua tai very magnificent. overall a very "royal" show trying to portrait the "grandness".. i would say its a good attempt..


*****

after that was some shopping ard and dinner follows at lemongrass. the food there is quite good i would say.. i heart thai food! thou it was quite expensive.. happy that we both enjooyed the movie.. i am planning to catch confession of pain soon.. maybe next week?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

=(

screwed up mind.
screwed up emotions.


rather saying i am disappointed in that person, i would rather say i am disappointed in my self. i dont know where's the limit as to things shd develop.. things that we all do.. but all i noe is..


i feel screwed up now.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

REcap for the past few days

really wondered ard alot these few days.. haha.. i jus need some balance of that sucky feeling that keep attacking me nowadays!


sat*

night's out with xiu. wasnt feelin so great and i think i needed some time out and eat something i like.. so i asked xiu out to grab the tau huay at short street.. da best! before that i wondered ard alone.. walking from bugis - city hall - plaza sing - short street. enjoy some music and some walking.. good execise!

had the tau huay and the char kway teow.. jus a fab nite.. thanks xiu for the christmas pressie too! seeing what she got for me jus make me feel i did not put in much effort in my present for her.. but wells the next christmas i will!


sun*

buffet dinner at conrad continential.. the food there is nice! did not take any pic cos was too busy playing with baby ben and enjoying the food.. but pics with cousin will come soon!


today *

noon out at j8. havent been there for a long time! first is walk walk with kang an and co. then when i am going home i met herry and jess.. and we had some light desserts.. or maybe not so light after all.. ahaha! long talks over alot of things.. but well it is all heart to heart talk! good time spent with the two of them!


#####


i have only one pair of shoe currently.. that saf running shoe. but everyones saying that it is a mismatch to anything that i wear - it only goes well with sports wear.. how? looks like i need a new pair of shoe lahs. must go hunt for a nice one !

thinking..

i gotta sad feeling.. i wonder if he knows that its coming.. but i reckon he might not even know its coming la..

Monday, January 08, 2007

Juz b'Coz i SmiLe doeSn't MeaN i'M HapPy

sick tired of all the shits in school and ma life.

i have got no more energy left to do anything.. to explain anything.. or to clear anymore misunderstandings..

whats the reason that all of my friends eventually left me? is it cos i am really asking to much? is it cos i am not doing enough? or jus what is it.

many asked me to jus dun think so much and dun care what others think.. but is it that possible for me to live in just my own world. that is like not so possible for my case ba? "thinking" has already been so into my life that it is not jus as easy as snapping fingers to kick it off.

i got the feeling i jus wanna run away from this dumps of unhappiness.. but it is all but reality that i have to be stuck here. i reckon more unhappiness will come when i go into ns. =(






what has my life became? why is it into this state now? i dunno...

what will it lead to? i dunno...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

quotes: from Anch Manch!

there once lived a farmboy, young and handsome..
he worked hard on his papa's farm, but this boy, he had wishes..
one day, he hoped, to make it to town..
and see for himself- jewels and crowns..

he n'er did complain, and years flew by
the boy turned tall, and my, he was a sight..
gers came giggling, then one day he picked
the prettiest of them all, his wife-to-be..

it was all so simple, a farmboy and his ger
until fortune changed and so did he..
he remembered his young dreams of making it in town,
when chance came, and presented itself...

he bid her goodbye, one cold rainy night
but he arrived in town- it was bright glittery lights..
he was captivated by it all, such hustle and bustle
especially the air, even that was better..

he worked extremely hard, he didnt wana let anyone down..
but life's hard, especially for someone new in town..

then one day, he was walking, struggling with his coat
a beautiful lady passed, he took a second look
'tis the woman he wans for life-
the boy fell for her, as hard as he could..

he started his romancing, for the ger he found..
only to realise she was most sought-after in town:
the only child of a rich businessman, poised and elegant
yet her courage- it makes tales of legend..

finally, he asked her out, and she willingly obliged..
it was a date under the starlight, one cold chilly night
they shared stories beside a shimmering river,
and laughed so happily, despite the shivers..

dates blossomed into love,
but a farmboy's status make for good rumours..
for in a world of oldschool traditions,
she was topclass and he, second position

she didnt mind, she declared her love..
she treasured those stolen moments, those latenight conversations..
but he instead, he began to waver..
he realised at the end of it all, money matters..

and the farmboy, well, he had none..
so often, he worried about not being good enough..
esp where his princess was concerned, he'd rather leave than fail
to give her the goodlife she'd been assured

he started to take steps, further and further away
he didnt wana see her tears, or her pretty eyes, grey..
she couldnt understand just what was wrong..
shouldnt love be the biggest strength of them all?

but no, as it happened, he was weak..
in his heart and his resolve- he gently weeped..
he decided one day, to return to his farm
because townslife, tho exciting, was still full of harms..

she waited endlessly, day after day..
at night she cried, and never again did she pray...
for God, she thought, didnt play his part
He sent him to her, then forced them apart..

months became years..
there never came news
she knew not what happened
he returned home to pay his dues

one mustnt forget he had a woman he left
sometime ago, the ger he was supposed to have.
and tho now he knows he doesnt love her
a promise's still a promise, they married in jazz

so he sits there still, thirty years down the road..
in his old rocking chair, the air stale and still..
his wife brings him tea, he thanks her sweetly..
but his heart, his mind- they swell guiltily.

cuz its been so long, but he still thinks of her..
the lovely princess in town- his love forever.
and sometimes he wonder, if he had the guts then,
would they have been happy now, mebe he'd have been a proud granddad..

but mebe sometimes, love just aint enough..
and for the old lady in the tower, no one else knows better
for she had been waiting, pining for her lover
but tears, her tears, they can only flow into the river..

*

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义

我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里
你的真心。

爱真的需要勇气- dun u all agree??

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

The new year has arrived. this year is a special one. cos i ushered in the new year all by myself. i went to the fireworks at esplanade alone and waited for like 3 hours for it? its a special experience ba..

reached at abt 9. and i stationed my self at the prime spot. thats the benefit for reaching early.. but the wait is tormenting! some more no one to tok to. lucky i got my radio and shuffle. otherwise sure seh la~!

anw, i think there are more PRCs and Bangalas then singaporeans there. and some of them are VERY inconsiderate.


our dear friend here from india. i think he "LOVES" me. i dunno! for some reason or what he keep staying EXTREMELY close to me. almost like sticking onto me~! and at some point of time he actually nearly rest his head on my shoulder. FUCK! but well, at least they buzz off after i started to stare at him real hard.

how can i forget that "auntie" that annoys and shock everyone? she took out a cig and start to smoke right there. there in the CROWD!!! RIGHT NEXT TO ME! siao. totally not civic minded. and her friend, talking so LOUD on the phone, as if she is at home. i should have taken a photo of then and post it here la! luckily they left at ard 10 when it started to rain...

talking abt rain, i must thank this couple in front of me. the boyfriend is really kind to include me under their umbrella.


fireworks is quite... ok. quite abit disappointed ba.. maybe its cos the company i tot would be here arent here? everything was so diff from last yr ba...




Following that was the party at hao's home. was last to be there as i went to the countdown. watched movie and them playing games and fell asleep. but nonetheless, its being there that counts. =) went to mc for breakfast.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

quotes: from [ChUa]

When we say countdown,
we're actually saying the countdown of all sorrows we've encountered,
and welcoming the happiness.


Happy New Year everyone!

Friday, December 29, 2006

That's it.. for this year..

And so, we all do the count down again.

end of year here again.. fast isnt it. just one year ago i am still whining at how sian tep is. now?

  • i have breezed thru ipp peacefully, i even got the A that i wanted.
  • reconcilled with someone whom i have been on cold war for 9 months.
  • made new friends.
  • lost some close frens thou.
  • seen how a close friend can turn to someone who is close to stranger.
  • and of cos, got the taste of being accused and could not rebutt back.
  • tried a new job, started it with joy and happiness, and now, at the last day of the year, leaving it with no regrets and little joy.

school hasnt been smooth. so i wish that it would be better. for the final bits of it that is left.

i want to execise more. more healthy ba. ahaha.

i want to have a better health. it suck to fall sick.

thats it! i think the next post would be next year. so ciao~!

*****


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Thursday, December 28, 2006

失望

我不知道, 失望这两个字, 足以形容我的感受吗?


原来, 只需要三百六十五天, 就可以是如此大的鸿沟, 让我们从朋友变得如此陌生.

Rot.

for 13 days, i have been rotting at home. term break don't seems to be that good as i tot. not really going out due to some reasons, and also the non stopping rain makes the day so gloomy.. so condusive for sleeping!!! have been having late mornings... and the low energy level makes it even more difficult for me to start on those projs!!!! sighs.... somebody save me man~!

anw, last nite was the outing for belated fraw's bdae. walking ard plus dinner at puncak. everything was quite fine and nice.. we even took nep print! it was long since the last time we took... and the rain was big on my way home! haa..

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雨好大.. 有一点后悔没带伞出门,但也已近半夜了,总不能要家人捎把伞到车站来吧?

好久没淋那么大的雨了.. 此时的mp3, 播的是燕姿的《我不难过》。感觉很对。雨水能洗去我心里的不快乐吗?雨过天晴后,我真的能不在难过吗?现实总不是如此..

我喜欢淋雨的感觉.. 尤其是独自一人,在夜深人静的时候。有人问过我,为什么会喜欢夜深人静这种一个人过的时间。

是那种凉凉感觉?是那种感触良多的feeling?我也不知道..