a plead from me.

我好像從來沒求過你.. 沒有要求過什麽。

驟雨之後，真地會有彩虹嗎？曾幾何時，說“有”已經變成了一種自欺欺人，自我安慰，一個似乎永遠都不會實現可能。




不敢奢望些什麽，只希望，未來，我的路會好走一些... 不敢想象何時我會放棄，但至少現在的我，還能有那麽一點點的力氣繼續下去。

你知道，真實的我是怎樣的嗎？

難過與失望不斷升溫，做什麽都事與願違。



原來在你們面前，我從來都不曾是真實的我...

quotes: from Tokyo Juliet

通常會留下的人，都知道自己該何去何從。反而是那些拿不定主意的人，最後總是會離開。

quotes: from Chelle

A lost love cannot be recovered.
Same thing goes to a lost friendship cannot be recovered.
I thought time will heal the wound.
But i forget it will leave a scar...


*****

a day spent at home. on my own. i think sometimes.. i jus need times like this where i can get to enjoy that lil bit of tranquility that is needed? had some plans to go china town or catch a movie.. but in the end, called it off... was it due to my unwillingness to accept the fact that i am unable to find even one soul to go with me? most probably... i hate that feeling. but there arent much i can do about it yea.. they've got appts already... one simply jus dont reply... =(

*****

jus chatted with Jan!! she's currently having a break and travelling ard europe with her class mates.. will be going to austria, italy, france. and she is going to venice too!!! omg. a place where i hope i can go laa!!!! i hope one day i can have the chance to go to these places too.. hope that i can travel more to widen my visions... stay safe jan!

*****

now playing: 張惠妹 - 記得

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都累了
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑
怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由

谁还记得
爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

你真的覺得.. 我可以嗎？

因爲連我自己都覺得.. 我快不行了..

Happy Bdae Chelle!! (3/4/07)

woo~! dinner at sam's place. the best ramen on earth. would like to thank chelle for her generous treat!! sigh too bad i choose the wrong flavour for the cake.. but i really hope we all enjoyed that nite! i hope that next year.. next next yr.. and so on.. we all could stll be able to enjoy.. and i hope that one day.. that someone could join us back too..

Its Sat!!!

weekends here again... FINALLY! i think thats seriously what all working people are looking forward every week rite.. hha..

well, its good friday yesterday and my family went to Choa Chu Kang cemetry for qing ming festival praying.. wanted to take some pics to blog but in the end lost the kick to do so.. i reckon nex yr i wun be joining? cos of ns... hope that i can still go but maybe it arent matter to some anw.

*****

i freaking hate all people who dun reply sms, miss calls and such. i hope all their hps DROP INTO THE TOILET BOWL~~~!!!!!

*****

will i be part of the recalled memories of u guys? the tot of this is depressing...

*****

its saturday. weekend.

and i arent happy. whats wrong with me?

Lie down to look at the stars.

it was ONLY two hrs spent eating, jaywalking, talking abt this & that this & that, us sitting there keeping a lookout for those disturbing ants, u wanting to cross over e 'gate' (happily happily forgetting abt e security who appeared b4 us talking to others b4 that!) YET it was time HAPPILY WELL SPENT esp after e whole longggg dae at work..

uve said -> 'we dun need to haf too many ppl at a chalet to enjoy' & now i say -> 'we dun even need a chalet to b able to enjoy!' =))

this testi from xiu pretty much sum up what we did last nite.. a gathering out of the busy work schedules we all have yea.

now playing: 伍思凯 - 寂寞公路

说好和你一起流浪

失约的我独自飞翔

窗外景物不断的变换

提醒我背叛的心慌

说好不让你再流泪

迷惑的我不知是错是对

下雪街头独自的行走

握不住一杯温热的咖啡

new york dallas los angeles

寂寞公路每站都下雪

想念等候流逝的梦

寂寞公路每寸都伤痛

sunrise moomshake heartbreaker

寂寞公路每站都下雪

冷漠激情点烟的手

寂寞公路哪里是尽头

Damns!

wallaoz. i jus found out that i am the lowest paid temp staff there!! damns. Sue, the other temp got 7.6 while i am only paid 5.2!!!!! fucks la.. so much for having worked here before and being a poly grad. how much is experience worth seriously? and she even got OT pay!!!!

gee. but the place is really not bad laa... sighs. got used to this place le and then the environment is suitable for me...


the next time, i gotta seriously negotiate my pay!!!

nite cycle trip #5

its the fifth time we have nite cycle! routes have ranged from ECP, Changi V and airport runway. But this time round, we went to GEYLANG~! woohoo. Crew includes Herry, Hao, Jx, Ter, Jess, Yh, QQ, Cd. out of them its me, herry and jx who had been in for all the five trips. *JJJ ROX*

As usual, they are FREAKING LATE, which i don't understand why. all of them don't work and they are still late for near to one and half hour. I GOT WORK I STILL REACH EARLY CAN!! -_-"

the bikes suck. they don't give us discounts like they used to anymore.. citing "renovation liao then mor ex" as an excuse.. but the new bikes are not even better then those old one! those seats.. omg we are just starting and everyone's butt is like pain liao lor. CONDEMN next time find another shop!! haa..

ate alot for this trip too! its like an endless supper.. best is the tau huay at geylang la.. where we rest and talk.. and discussions lead to topics that is closely linked to geylang.. Jx has all the best insights! he must have alot of experience. ha! the way he give his comments confidently. ooh~

all activities ends at mcd as usual.. where we have our breakfast.. overall i think its considered a successful outing? just that i hate it when they are so late laa.. haa! was very tired after that with the tighs and ass that is hurting like hell.. gotta go rest liao!


ciao~

Defeat vs Giving Up

i don't know anymore.

若應有的生氣與不快盡只被失望取而代之，那麽到底還剩下些什麽？




5是一個漂亮的數字。就讓他停在這裡，留一個美好的記憶吧。

不要再有“以後”了..

Fashion show?!

yays went to the first fashion show of my life. but a kinda flop one. haa! its the levi's copper fashion show. went cos dickson has tix and no one to go with so i went with him lor. its actually the first time i am going out with a net friend, but luckily things are still not so bad and we can chat alot. well we already talk alot online, so not much diff. he's taller than i tot! haa...

anw, on why the show is a flop? we go as members but were given not so good seats. the door gifts on the chair is all koped by people. sucky arrangement laa... what to do? must see which company also. haha!

after that we were shopping ard and ate dinner at the heeren wanton mee, followed by fav-ed tau huay at short street. but then the standard dropped so much!! =( i am going to give them only two more chances, if things arent changing for the better they will have to go off my list of yum yum.

i need more energy!

haven't blogged for quite long.. and dun think i got energy now.. i don't know why i feel SO drained. i am even starting to question myself how am i going to nite cycle with the gang this coming friday. but anws, i have already gave my words to Herr Bro so i will go!

last sat, went to the xin yao concert at stadium.. the supposedly "last major commercial event at the national stadium that is going to be closed in june". kind of a sad feeling.. cos i was actually quite attached to that place. watching ndp near to ten years there.. was there is pri sch years to support my fren for national track and field.. was there when fandi ahmad scored goal.. was there at Kallang roar and wave.. was part of THAT era.

an era that will soon be gone. national theater was gone. national library was gone. now even national stadium is going to be gone. i wonder what will be left to our nation. yes progress, better facilities, but 就是少了那麽一點人情味吧。

*****

anw, i have also started working, after the three weeks "break" i gave myself after i grad-ed.. and its really very tough! got too used to the timing of sleeping at the wee hours. now that i have to wake up real early, get to office and work during the timing when i was napping and having all the snacks - in short, enjoying life.

Life is a contradict!! when you are free, you cant really enjoy, cos no work = no money. when you got money, you cant enjoy cos got money = got work = really no time. now i believe, why people say they no time to execise when they work. its cos of the fatigue that makes them no more energy to move ard.


sadly, i am one of them. =(

*****

hasn't seen the gang for a long time. like one week? hey thats considered long ok! considering i see them like everyday for the near to past 3 years.. couldnt join them for tmnt yesterday as i was working.. bleahs! wanted to watch that show de.. now that they have all watched, i guess i'll just have to wait for the dvd to be out lor. hao's back from taiwan, check out his blog for those nice sceneries he captured along the trip!

talking about going overseas.. i really envy them! 我也要我的畢業旅行！！！ but i dun think its possible le ba. haha. maybe.. after ns?

*****

*****

herry is going to be enlisted on 10 apr. i will be going to send him off at tekong. haha! so fast.. time flies.. i think within a few more blinks of the eyes.. we will be going to each other's wedding banquets liao.. and that is another scary thot!!!!

i wanna stay young, carefree and have nothing to worry about.

but thats not possible. time waits for no one yea. and therefore, its more important to cherish what we have right now! thats the common mentality that me and hao shares. and i hope, the rest of the gang will share with me too!

*****

ok this post is kind of cha pa lang and random. bye!

我很怕

scared.. that i could no longer take it. that i will just give up on my own..


that i could no longer find any more strength to brave all these invisible pressure that i has..

RROOAARR!!

i felt like stretching out my hand. but the thought that there aren't anyone there to rescue me turns me off the idea.. stretching out but only to the air? thanks but no thanks.

i more or less had enough at home. that stupid issue that someone thinks that i am unwilling to help is driving me up my blood pressure. when will this damn stupid thing going to stop?
stop questioning me as if i am the ungrateful bastard that cares only for myself! but that's nothing new yea.. who had been listening to what i wanna say? no one.

so much for the frustration, and things aren't getting better. finally i succumbed to the sickness and went to see the doc. asthma is acting up and i got lotsa pills to pop. meeting with xiu today had to be cancelled at the very last min and i am really sorry yea! will make it up soon! after you are back from taiwan.. ^^

as for the time being, i don't know when will the pressure cooker in me explode. i dun dare to wish for things to get better, but i jus hope it dont get worse. =(

Yea yea.

you can go to hell bastard. i don't need a friend like you. what's the use of clinging on when things aren't getting better? i give up.


sometimes, things just arent the way it seem to be.

i don't care! get it! do what ever you want and u think its correct.

DAMMIT!

that bitch ruined my hair!!! i will never go there to cut my hair! NEVER!

now, i look like some toot toot boy. knn!!!!




i is angry. sorry for the vulgarness. =)

now playing: 孫燕姿 - 雨天

站在十字路的交点
该怎么走 我却只剩回头
除了你给的伞我再也没有
别的借口 去拥有你的什么

你能体谅我有雨天
偶尔胆怯你都了解
过去那些大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现

谁能体谅我的雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远

牵手和分手来自同一双手
做回朋友 我却为何不懂挽留

是否太晚路已走远
我的眼眶泪太满
走不回你身边


*****

havent been raining for quite some time.. or its just that i did not notice?

just rained. was looking out of the window.. looking at the rain.. thinking..

havent done that for a long time liao. it just sets me.. thinking.

*****

going to interview tmr! havent been to one for a long long time... even thou its conducted by familiar faces but it is just very stressful! dun like.. but well that is something that has to be done! otherwise no job.. no life.. haha!

hope that everything will be fine~!

Truth.

the truth hurts, yet its even worst knowing that u're in it ALONE.

i saw this sentence in jessica anne's blog. well, how true? what's worse than being the last one to know..

*****

i received a letter from nyp today.

We are pleased to inform you that the Assessment Board has, on 14 March 2007, conferred on you the DIPLOMA IN BUSINESS MANAGEMENT.

Congratulations!!

err, kind of mixed feelings. haha. are they so rushing to send us off into the society to die? haa!

damn bored today! sort of feeling down at home.. i dun like this kinda feeling.. why do i feel like my world is crumbling down?

無題

反正你就是喜歡說我漠不關心。我還能說什麽？而我說的，有真得那麽重要嗎？如果真是，那爲什麽沒人在聼。。

我受夠了！我真的累了。。

tau huay break.

met up with chelle today. think of the 7 years we know eachother.. this is the first outing.. only us. ha!

from serangoon-dhoby ghaut-outram park-chinatown-serangoon. travelled alot! wanted some movie but chelle dun really like movies.. and also its kinda like wasting time la. could be better spent bonding and chatting. ate at rochor tau huay.. and ate alot! wanted to skip dinner but forgot abt it and we went to eat kfc zinger meal.. =( diet mission FAIL!

more activities coming please... =)

late night supper.

supper last thurs nite with chelle and vic! Was a very last min supper..

vic called chelle @ 11 plus and offered to drive us there. so we ate at amk S11 and after that decided to rot at Serangoon MAc. was talking.. eating.. slacking.. Time really flies! suddenly i realise that i have known them for 7 years.. i am glad we are still in touch.

More of these kind of gatherings please..! very destressing. haa!

with chelle.

with vic.

results for exam is out.

.: W.H :. says:
we grad le
wahahaha
waiting for our papers now!

yup, passed all modules! with that, its really the end le.

VERY not satisfied with the result. those that i tot i did well, i flop. those that i tot wasnt good, it turned out ok. and i got a present from "victim of a childish act" wor.. thief shout thief. i arent surprised about the outcome of that project. well, thats how the society works la. those who know how to tell tales will win.

apart from that, i reckon there is still room for celebration yea.. hehe. so cheerios! activities most prob will start when hao's back.. gotta wait for him la ! haa..

PLEASE~~~!!!!

someone get me the dvd for hana kimi can!!! i will be eternal greatful!!!!

i so wanna own the complete set!!

=( but i don't.

nite nite.

its late! 3.20 am le but i still cant sleep. (must be the nap at 8pm.)

and worse, i cant log on to msn! =(

sianz.

EMO

.: W.H :. says:
its a path to choose mah
different ppl will be waiting at different end
its as good as saying from now, we are splitting!
we know
but we do not speak it out

the above emo conversation with hao is started by his emo post as follows.

I went Dim Sum Buffet as organised by Xue Li and went singing session at Ten Dollar Club with yong hui(jay zhou), qq (Pu Xue Liang!), jx (andy lau), chang da (wang li hom) and kelvin (lee sheng jie!). The meal was hearty and i almost vomit out since i ate with no limits. But its the singing session that starts making me wonder ...

What a emotional day for me as my brain finally can't block the urge to think wad's the future for me, and this group of friends whom i've spent 2-3 interesting years with countless memorable events. I really don't know. It's this uncertainty that sets me into a confused and lost feeling which i don't usually faced!

Being emotional a.k.a EMO is not a familiar habit for me but still i know i can manage it. However, a loss of word in describing how i feel currently. So plain in my mind now.

It's a sign for a brand new start? or is it time to sleep? LOL. Will do the thinking these few daes or maybe even in taiwan where it's a 'no-friends' environment. Only family.

(I wonder what will happen to them when i'm in taiwan ..... )

(Will i leave a empty space inside their heart when i leave? ..... )

Sometimes i wonder ...

i hate making that choice that hao is saying. i know myself, that is i got too comfortable in my comfort zone and is reluctant to leave. i mean.. we are all so into each other's life for the past 3 years can! its not easy.. to leave.. to let go.. it never is...

i hate to make choices/decisions that is life-changing. to make things worse, i am in the stage of my life where alot of these decision makings are happening.. too much changes.. more than what i can handle. the "friends" issue is jus a starting point.. which will eventually root out to more decisions that is coming my way. but of cos, i do hope i can handle them well!

anw.. i still hope that this cycle of friends in my poly life will stay forever.. i dun dare to ask for all of them to be.. but i will make my effort on my part.. and i hope it will be reciprocated yea.. single hand cant clap. lol. and of cos, the creator of this emo feeling mr lee wei hao will be one of them who stays. haa!

and the rotting continues.

as much as i want to get out and stop rotting, the financial status of me now does not allow me to. its all "outs" and no "ins" can! anw, hope i can go back to Dsg to work. have already sent the resume back to them liao. hohoho. lucky i sms HY to ask her bout temp-ing there..

anw, i have finished 花樣 too! ok i am abit slow.. but thats cos i waited for cousin to lend me the dvd and so i can watch it in comfort lah.. haa.. its not as flop as all had said la.. some may complaint that it is too ambiguous but i think that it is still ok lo. its just trying to 延續 the idea of the show, that is 曖昧是愛裏最美的. so what if rui xi does not know that quan already know she is a "she"? she knows that he love her. she more or less can guess that he knows she is a girl. then jiu hao liao ma. it also leaves clue that there is a part two.. aren't that better!! but must be the same cast la.. otherwise the feeling is all diff liao.. look what happen to goong S. total flop. haha!

quotes: from DTF

“这么多年，你现在才知道我好啊？” Ah Toot说了这句话，停顿了一下。在那一瞬间，我似乎可以感觉到他心里的伤感。但，他很快就把话当玩笑，开心地笑了。

i don't know why, but this sentence have a 淡淡的憂傷。

sick tired

hate to face this time over and again! i noe 家家有本難念的經 but why is mine never ending?

just when i tot peace is here, things happen over and again jus to prove me wrong. when will peaceful life come? i dun even dare to think what things would become when i go to the army...

*****

its msia trip again today! but response was cold. only me and ka and qq and hao and hitsu. hitsu is last min i ask her go de. hoo~! little shopping, just went in there to eat.. cant really find the things that i wanna buy leh. maybe can cut down the number of times going in liao lo..

also, went to jx's house. first time hor, haha! no la. jus go there sit sit bond bond. cos the rest wanna go there dunno do what so i go together lo! life's been pretty mundane recently.. how long more can i hang on?

quotes: from DTF

可以走过、路过、可千万不要错过。。。
因为一旦错过就再也无法挽回了。。。
诚实的面对自己的心吧。。。
如果连自己的心也无法诚实以对，那么人生将真的会是一场空。。。

抱抱！aka Hug Hug!

went to mos with the gang on wed. was kind of not used to going out at night, leaving home at 8 plus makes me feel so odd! hmm.. maybe i am just too used to going out in bright day light. get used to it by going out more frequently in the nights! (my mum's going to kill me if she see this. haa!)

out of the gang of 7 (herry, ter, ka, jx, hao, qq + myself) 4 was a "virgin.nite" at clubbing. hoho. was a crazy nite out. and i cant dance for nuts!!! even KA dance better than me!! was not so crowded at the time we reach at abt ten.. but by the time we leave at abt 4 it was a hell lots of people! met up with teri and amy there too! and teri is another party animal.. hoho..

from now on, my new nick name for herry is snake. cos when he dance he is like a snake!

slacked at mcd after that for breakfast.. at 4 am!! earliest breakfast i ever had! haha. a few of us quite seh liao and i actually fell asleep there at mcd.. boo boo to me! headed home with qq as we are the only two taking train and crashed bed the moment i reach home. first time i miss my bed so much.

as for the relation of the title to this post, its for us to know and not for you to find out. hohoho~

pursuit of happyness.

its a not bad show. caught it yesterday with the gang. quite meaningful thou a bit boring. it made tEr yawned 3 times. haha! but still, i give it 3.5 pop corns!

before the movie, went to KA's house to do something to our hair.. qq and darren was there with me.. anw, i steamed my hair!! its more softer now. hehe. and i will be back soon for another session! *i hope i got enough money!*

after that, we went to ALIF! the long awaited meal there. havent been there for a long time. yh,hao, jx, herry,ter joined.


anw, i dunno why i am so tired after the movie that i headed home and crash bed. haha! nice day out with the gang! they're clubbing tmr and i arent sure if i can join.. mum's commenting that i spend too much going out yea. sianz!

It's Monday!

the first monday after i graduated. *I HOPE i really do*


its very... empty lei. i felt like there was no more purpose. sighs.

anw, work at Dsg seems to have been blown. i think YL arent working there anymore so no one from corp comm can bring me in liao. sigh sigh. gotta look for another job!

*****

last sat, gathering at mrs quek's was quite a success, even thou there is only 3 of us who went. namely, its chelle, me and vic. had lots of fun chatting and bonding. Mrs quek was telling us about how we should plan for our marriage.. what kind of restaurants or hotels to book, how much ang pao to give etc.

We talked about school time and how this guy threatened Mrs quek when she was still a relief teacher in our school. We all thought it was someone chelle know and was very close. but after all the pics we showed quek, still cant recognise, haha! so it shall remain a mystery.

right after that was meeting yen to get the chocs she made for me *so sweet of her!!!!* thanks girl! also walked ard at the popular there.. and i am torn between getting the sheng ri kuai le sound track or its novel...

*****

they had this 愛的主題曲 in the show.. 有多少愛可以重來。

有多少愛可以重來 有多少人願意等待 當懂得珍惜以後回來卻不知那份愛會不會還在

when i always talk about love, i dun only talk about love between couples. it can be family love, friendship love. i love my family! i love my friends! so its universal thing ok.. dun be so narrowminded.. hee!

right now it applies to the love i have for my friends! the uncertainties. how will things be in the future?





don't know.
don't want to think.

我要點首歌

你累了没有 可否伸出双手
想拥抱 怎能握着拳头
我们还有很多梦没做
还有很多明天要走
要让世界听见我们的歌

准备好没有 时间不再回头
想要飞 不必任何理由
不管世界尽头多寂寞
你的身边一定有我
我们说过不管天高地厚

想飞到那最高最远最洒脱
想拥抱在最美丽的那一刻
想看见陪我到最后谁是朋友
你是我最期待的那一个

可以一起闯祸 一起沉默 一起走
可以一起飞翔 一起沦落
不管天高地厚陪着我
陪我一起大声狂吼

想飙到那最高最远最辽阔
想唱完那最感动的一首歌
没看见那天高地厚不肯放手

因为我有我想要的朋友
你是我最想要的朋友


*****

僅此把這首歌獻給所有人，愛我的，恨我的，謝謝你們在我的生命中留下了腳印。我會好好珍惜的！

*****

when you're tired
stretch out your hands.
how do you accept a hug
when you clutch your fists tightly?

we still have many dreams unfulfilled
we still have many tomorrows
and we want our views to be heard by the world.

are you prepared? time waits for no one.
you don't need a reason to venture out far into the sky.
it doesn't matter how lonely it is
i will always be around you.

we are all going to soar into the skies
who will be the one who will accompany me to the end?
i hope that you are the one.

****translation is specially for mr herry haryadi!!!

and so.. thats the end!

with the completion of today's final paper at nyp, it also marks the end of my poly life! woo! so fast, at a blink of the eyes. well the day was quite filled.. and still will be for the next 2 days.. so i think the feeling of emptyness won't come so fast rite? however, the other mixed feelings have set in - the feelings that i have for all the friends here.

nonetheless, the usual me who is always getting too comfortable in the comfort zone, is reluctant to the changes that will occur in my life. those people whom i won't be seeing that often anymore. those that i cant talk to everyday anymore. its not that we are all not going to meet liao. but some things jus arent going to be the same anymore..

am thankful that i met all of u! never regretted any moment..


*****


today, the gang went to suki sushi.. celebration for the end of school, and also mengsiang's birthday! happy birthday!!

the sushi buffet is great. lots of food. also, the time spent bonding rox yea! =)

after that its mabel's and gary's for the annual cny visit. jus gotta squeeze them later cos of the exams la.. tmr still got mrs quek's place to head to! once a year only to bond with them, how can not go?

Hana Kimi

ok. now i get what jieying mean when she say this show is poisonous. it jus sucked me into it and i cant miss any episodes of it! the cast is good, the song is nice. and my ella is the lead!!! she is jus too cute.

ultra addictive. watch the show at your own risk.

other than the ever so cute ella and handsome wu zun, the ending theme is great. zhuan shu tian shi. another great song by tank. ahhh....

quotes: from ahleck

A simple gesture assured oneself that you had not spent your life waiting in vain. That's all that's required, isn't it. Having known that while you were thinking of and missing someone, your thoughts were reciprocated.

It helps to know, that we are both staring at the same blue sky.

如果错过了。。。那就不要再去追究。因为当你回到过去时，人事已变，而你想追回的从前，已经离你而去。

now playing: Tank - 專屬天使

我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽 而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤

小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想 透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

小小的手掌大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方就是我的方向
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂

要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望


*****

its suppose to be easy!! and yes the imc indeed is quite easy, but i cant finish the paper!!! T_T

i missed the last 16 marks.. blank blank no time to write!! sigh. there goes my grades. there goes my uni chance.. dammit!

super depressed. i dunno how to describe the depression but i think i jus have to pick myself up cos theres still crm tmr.

16 marks plus the mistakes that i will make at the other parts.. the badly done 10 min presentation and the written ica that is equally badly done.. god bless that i wont do that supp man! last exam le.. pls dun let me go through that supp paper...

放縱

yesterday, i only studied the segmentation chapter and the campaign management system of crm. the rest of the day is endless food, mahjong and ban luck.

its cny! 我需要一點這樣的放縱!!

everything at aunt's house is simply fab. today they're all coming over to my house. hmm..


dun dare to look forward to any good grades for this exam. damn nyp for putting the exam at this time!!

amazing!

sometimes, its just amazing how the internet works.

Dickson is a fren i get to know from cruz's comments section. i dunno since when, he started to see my blog regularly and tag my board. i think he is the first net friend that i actually communicated to! then, i start to see his blog regularly too and later, i added him on msn.

he's a great guy i will tell you. cos sometimes, he will msn me to tell me to be more positive and dun think so dully of things that happens to me. theres so much we can talk and chat!

know why i say he is great? cos he makes the effort. i am jus some one he noe on line. he has not seen me before. but still he showed concern from a fren. thats not something that he need to do yea? and i appreciates it alot.



so yups. i will be happy! as he says, its the new year! ^^

i've had enough.

tmr's cny gathering @ mrs quek's has to be postponed.

cos everyone say not free last min.



i mean come on.. its only once in a year and its not easy to organise.. with all the people scattled around.. and this is the kind of attitude? i mean at least make the effort to come lo! is it that dificult to come up with 2 hours there? action speaks louder than words and all your actions showed me how you guys were thinking.

next year i arent organising anymore. i will go myself. haha! why shd i care when no one wana go?

終于

原來就是沒話好說了.

總算有了個答案.



原來好朋友也會變成這樣的..

Exams coming!!!

back from bangkok last nite. overall its a ok trip bah. haha. this year's cny is the most not cny de cny. haha. but still i hope the coming piggie year will be good!! not only for me and also for those ard me!! ^^

as for the cny eve reunion dinner..

the colorful yusheng

woohoo!!

in the kitchen during preparation..

yummy!

two boats this year. one tom yum and one original.

*****

some pics from the BKK trip..


















ok! if nothing much more "happening" happens, i shd be on hiatus till next fri.. the end of exams!!!

Gong Xi dé Fa Cai!!!

2 thumbs up for The Protégé

go catch it if you have not yet. its great!!!

went to watch it today with sam.. its the opening day and that means more ex! but the show made it worth the $$.. hmm. ok i shd go study now le. already didnt study and watch movie liao. haha!

圆满落幕

We are all finally going to split our ways... maybe we will never meet again.. maybe we will.. but it is always hard to hold on sometimes... The "missing each other" thing will haunt me bad.. somehow, its the end of 3 years of happiness and unhappiness in nyp.

i will miss everything that i have over here.. be it good or bad, it all belongs to me!!

*****

last day today. as da jie says: being the most noisy class to make our presence felt, i think we carried our name well. haha.

Joan says:
3 years ago, I started my poly journey with BM0411! Although we were into different group of friends, different CCAs, we still go for our long lunch breaks together, trying to sleep in the small discussion room at the library and do many crazy things!

Kel says:
i am so glad i am part of it! those days we had!!

stayed back at ltc after the final class - imc lecture. had lotsa fun taking pics and all!!

darren, jx, herry, me, ka

kk and herry - bro since yr 1

yen, kel, rena

kel and sam

dise, xy, kel

kel and hao

kel and carrie took this pic...

and the next moment alot of people suddenly appear behind us! haa.

JJJ + sam

class tradition - tau pok!

Alert: R21 contents! omg look at jx's expression!

another R21 pic!

show da asses!

we're all L wannabes

"formal" pic. actually look more like family pics taken in the 80s or earlier..

relax!

*****

so right now.. thats the end FOR THE TIME BEING while we all chiong for the last lap.. the camping at the library at the end of every sem is what we do!!! and its also something that will be deeply missed!! =) jia yous everyone of us!

presenting the ALMOST complete BM0431-BL!

happy v dae!!

to everyone! who says it can only be celebrate with girlfriends and boyfriends??

so.. everyone happy ah!!! no date also must happy. cos ur family love u too. friends love you too. ^^

yay-ness

with the end of IB presentation today, it officially marks the end of all assignments we have in nyp. now its only left with tmr's last lectures and then its the exam..

its a.. mixed feelings.

i can still vividly remember jus not long ago, i enter nyp very "fresh". with no one familiar ard. right now 3 years had passed without knowing and i am going to leave liao! of cos, with alot of dear ones ard me..

everyone was saying.. its ok cos friends will still stay ard to support you.. but i know that things just arent going to be the same le.. right now its we see each other everyday of cos the bond is stronger de rite.

stone says:
tings will bee fine.
dun be so insecure la.
have faith in ur frenz.
hahaha !

yups. right now whats bugging me is the sense of in-security. maybe its cos i arent a fren good enough.. thats y i am feeling it.. =(

*****

anw, as the proj ends, i suddenly feels v empty. cos had been having all the sleepless and tired nites last week, the sudden relax-ness makes me feel so empty. but i cherish it hor. not easy to have a rest. haha!

*****

how shd i face tmr? last day. emo. i hate this kinda feeling.

电影 [生日快乐]

yups. finally watched that show. its a nice one. 平平淡淡的感动，总是最真实，最能打动人。

小米与小南之间，存在着一种微妙的关系。在一起？还是分了？旁人都不是很清楚。小南曾说过，不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。 一度以为他忘了这个誓言，但在片末，却发现他从来没有。

离开以后，小南要全部人不让小米知道。是爱她？想保护她？还是自私？或许只有小米知道。

*****

[生日快乐]原文，取自《我想跟你走》


那天是我的生日，遇上了七级台风，外头的风雨真的很大，大得让人心慌，这种时候，除了担心灾情，也会想像那些跟我一样独居的孤男寡女的心情。

就在这时候，电话响了，小米打来的。落寞地问：“你在干嘛？”

我说：“没啊！呆着呢！”

小米是我多年的好朋友，平时不常联络，或者说，只要她出现，肯定有事。当然她也可以这样形容我。

我问她：“又怎么了？”

她说：“没啊……”

沉默了一阵子，她才悠悠地说：“已经过三十六个小时了，他都没有e-mail来。”我先是一头雾水，接着想起前天就是小米的生日。她有一个相交十多年的前男友小南，即便分手很久了，两人平时也不联络，但每年两个人的生日，他们必定相互问候对方。



小米有点轻描淡写，但我知道她伤得很深。她就是那种越轻描淡写伤势越严重的类型。

但要说她在乎的是小南，不如说要命的是生日。每当生日快到的时候，小米就开始陷入一种焦虑，那是一种既兴奋又注定要受伤害的气氛。是因为年龄与日俱增吗？还是因为适婚年龄已过？但这又是每个都会单身女性的问题，小米又何苦为难自己？

以上只是我的猜测，因为我知道小米不太喜欢听到人家说“生日快乐”，连我跟她这样的朋友，在她生日的时候，都不会去自讨没趣。但小米同时又不高兴人家提都不提她的生日，好像她降临这个世界没有任何重要性。是啊，谁要那种全人类都不记得自己生日的感觉呢？

对于这种天人交战的难题，她的处理方式是，在生日的那天，关掉手机，拔掉家里电话，不上网。矫枉过正吗？应该说把头藏在沙堆里是小米的拿手绝活。

小南是小米的初恋情人，那年，小米十七岁。十七岁的失恋跟谈恋爱好像一样剧情单纯，当事人以为自己的故事很壮烈，观众看起来不过如此。

他们分手后的十年之间，都维持当好朋友，甚至当初小米去欧洲学音乐，也是小南鼓励她的。他说他们的相处方式已经走进死胡同，小米太依赖他了，如果小米不暂时离开，她的人生就完了。那年，他考上交大，小米只是补习生。

于是小米真的走了。

而她的人生当然也就不一样了。



后来不管身边换了多少对象，他们都保持一种奇妙的伙伴关系。小南在小米出国期间，甚至常常去找小米的爸爸聊天，表明不管他换了多少女朋友，他都会等小米，除非小米结婚，否则他不会放弃。

这种说法听起来很滑稽，但是很动人，小米每每听到，虽然嘴里说死也不会嫁给小南，但还是沾沾自喜。

小南去维也纳找过小米一次，两个人一起度过三天，第四天小南就不见了，留下一张纸条，“我在台湾买了一张环欧火车票，我要好好利用……”

小米回国后，就在一家打击乐教室教小朋友，小南即便当时不乏风流韵事，只要小米一通电话，小南都会出现。小米对他的依赖不是生活上的，更多的是精神上的。每当小米感情受挫时、工作不顺时、对自己缺乏信心时，她就需要小南的“诺言”来当作自己的强心针。

这些年当中，他们也曾经试图在一起，毕竟互相取暖的两个人，火花是取之不绝的。但是复合的第一个礼拜，两个人都变得无话可说，压力大到令人窒息，于是再来整整三个礼拜没有联络！

小米告诉我，就在他们谈好分手的那个晚上，他们去吃饭，两个人又回到了以前一样，滔滔不绝，甜言蜜语。

小米常常说小南很了解她，或者说，因为他们很像，都不能忍受跟另一个生物腻在一起太久，所以他们之间的距离总是刚刚好。刚刚好到“现在什么都没发生，但是永远都有可能会发生什么”。



一天，小南打电话给小米，说找她吃饭，小米说过一会儿要去上班，现在不想出门。于是他买了三明治去她家，吃完小米赶着出门，他送她去，经过安和路信义路口的婚纱店（现在挂着林志玲的海报），他突然问小米：“你如果结婚，会拍哪一种婚纱照？”

小米把脸一扬，冷冷地说：“最讨厌婚纱照了，如果结婚才不要拍照，麻烦死了！”

“我同意，麻烦又浪费钱。”小米相信小南在暗示什么，虽然小米还是觉得自己不会嫁给他。

两天之后，小米去看《落跑新娘》，出了戏院听手机留言，是小南，“我要结婚了，新娘你不认识，我一直没跟你讲，因为不到最后一秒，我都不能确 定。对不起啦。我什么事都跟她说，她不相信我们只是朋友，所以我必须很正式跟你说，我们只是朋友，我爱的人是她，她现在就在我身边……”

这世界上有比这个更滑稽的事情吗？

他高兴跟谁结婚就跟谁结婚，那是他的自由，但他有必要一直隐瞒吗？不到最后一秒不能确定？那他根本就是永远不能确定！他们要怎么拍结婚照，那 是他们家的事，有必要来告诉我吗？这是“朋友”的行为吗？还有，最不可原谅的，有必要在她面前打电话来羞辱我吗？“不把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上”， 这不是小学生都知道的公民道德吗？

小米在手机里说她没有掉眼泪，她说她很好，终于解脱了，不用再为小南的幸福负责，所以开着她的黑色吉普车把台北市绕了三圈，她说，她觉得很可笑，对于过去的十三年都相信他的诺言，可笑的是自己。我说这一圈绕完就回家吧。

后来小南是何时结婚的，我们并不知道，起码这群至死护卫小米的朋友都不知道，只知道从消息曝光那天开始，再也没人从小米口中听到小南这两个字。

故事并没有结束。



小米一直到今天才跟我说。

其实这几年每到生日，她都会收到他的e-mail

就是一句话——

Happy Birthday

每一封她都存起来。

每隔六个月，小南生日的时候，小米就把同一封信回传给他。

我笑她那么沉得住气，那么耍心机，小米说：“我连他结婚的事都没问过……多写一个字，都会心痛……”

于是每一年的生日祝福，就是惟一可以知道他还活着的方式，或者说，知道他还有一点点在乎自己的方式。今年生日已经过了，已经过了三十六个小 时，小米都没有收到小南的讯息，她开始慌了。我要她直接写信去问。“那怎么可能……他忘了就忘了吧！”说这话的时候，小米的声音像是一口水咽不下去。

几天过后，我收到小米的简讯。

“今天晚上十一点五十六分我才收到他的祝福。

原文如下 There are things I care about everyday but can only say it once a year. Sorry about the delay. （有些事我每天都挂念，但只能一年说一次。迟到了，对不起。）

几天后，无意间在路上碰见初中同学，他是刚从上海回来的，聊天时我好奇地问起小南，同学跟我说，你不知道他已经走了吗？

“去哪儿了？”

同学说：“天国。”

然后是可想而知的短暂对话，“不好笑”，“你有看到我在笑吗？他走了快一年了。”

我感到一阵晕眩，晕眩过后，我想到小米。为什么这么大的事我们没人知道，小米也不知道？因为我们从小南说要结婚之后，就几乎拒绝听到任何有关他的消息。但前几天的那封e-mail是怎么回事？

我翻出早已不用的通讯录，壮着胆子打去小南的家，也不知号码是否还管用。



一个年轻女人接起了电话，说是小南的姐姐。我表明身份，问候了几句，最终忍不住问了她，如果小南早就不在，怎么会有e-mail？她哭了出来，小心翼翼地 跟我说：“请不要再追究这件事，这是小南走之前要我帮他做的。他要我每年帮他发一次e-mail，我忘了，过了快一个礼拜才想起来。”小南姐姐要我守住秘 密，但这样的事怎么可能瞒得了永远呢？

但要我去跟小米戳破，那也是不可能的，要讲也不会是我讲。我跟小南姐姐多问一些情况，病因是脑肿瘤，时间呢，发现时是四年前，后来都在大陆寻求另类疗法。四年前？那不就是小南给小米留话说要结婚的那年？

“那小南的太太呢？”

“什么太太？小南没有结婚啊！我们家人都知道他一直在等小米啊！”

接下来我在电话里足足沉默了三十秒。

我在想，这是怎么回事？或者说，我已经猜到怎么回事，但我在怀疑，这怎么可能？这一切是小南的安排吗？什么？假装闪电结婚，从此消失，一年一 次生日问候，一直到……要一直到什么时候？他要小米对他死心，然后让小米知道他永远记得她。这是爱吗？这世界上有这样的爱吗？这不是通俗小说里的情节吗？ 但它又远比小说情节真实、充满细节，小南、小米在我脑海里栩栩如生，他们的忧伤欢笑，那不是演出，是漫漫时间长河中的呼吸。

我全身的汗毛都竖了起来，那是在我挂上电话，走到巷口看着路上熙熙攘攘的人群时。我需要盯着一个个陌生的人，来让自己缓缓回到现实。我会先回到现实，然后再重新一点一滴让自己进去小南的世界，去感受他感受的，去编织他所编织的。

我不确定我能感受到什么程度，但我知道，每一年每一年，有三个日子对我来说是永远地改变了，小米的生日、小南的生日，和我自己的生日。

my horoscope today

You might be in a social mood, Kelvin kho, so try not to let your chores and projects get in the way of making contact with friends. You could enjoy inviting a buddy out to lunch. Have some fun talking about your lives. Lighten up a bit. Joke around and lose yourself in laughter. Try not to take life so seriously, because it will only drag you down! You'll feel better if you can be more lighthearted.

gee! i jus said no to Yao when he ask me out for dinner.. gotta do the exec sum for smk leh.. sigh.. of not we could have had a nice chat.. =(

Get Well Soon.

went to NUH today to visit Dilah.. quite a few of us went.. she met an accident a few days ago and both her and her bf was hurt. got the news the that day where we were all crazy rushing for the projs, and i think all of us are more or less affected.

happy that she is already recovering. cos as told there is less bandages already, and she has transfered to a lower risk ward. she is really strong. so is her parents. i know that she will recover fast.

but still.. i dun really like that feeling of being in the hospital.. it makes me feel very.. heavy all the time. i think i was abit too emo today..

life is just too fragile, very! last week, we are all still in a class studying together. this week, we have to visit her in the sicu. it set me thinking of a lot of things.. we all will never know whats going to happen the next day.. its a known fact, but did we do anything about it? we still "waste" our days away not cherishing.. sigh..

being at the icu also made me thot of the time where my grandfather was hospitalised. also at icu. i hesitated at the door before i enter the room. for a moment, i tot that maye i werent prepared to go in.. but well i still went ahead with dise.. cos i tot i shd give dilah my support for her la.

hope she will recover real soon.

hope i will feel less emo.

quotes: from Sammy.Bear

Sometimes in life,
you get so caught up in your pursuit of what you determine is right
that you neglect the more important things around you.
What price would you pay to make a point?
Know that I would rather die a failure
then forsake all those around me.
Because I know i bring to my grave
not plaques of my achievements.
But flowers of condolence and tears of thanks
from lives that i've touched with my two bare hands.

-The Reflecting Bear

D R A I N E D to the core..

last nite didnt really sleep.. spliting headache now i think its due to the lack of sleep! T_T

anw, i love today's crm presentation!! its so challenging, its so fun. one of the most memorable proj in nyp. *rena,shixiang,wanyen,dorence,yongsheng you guys are the best!!!* think we did a not bad job..

this week is a very tiring week! i hope i still got energy to go and cut my hair this thurs..

*****

projs arent going that smooth.. sometimes i jus wished i am more resourceful and able to produce quality work up to my team's std.. i know i dragged them down in some projs.. i'm really sorry..

late nites.

having another late nite again! tmr is the submission for Ib and Imc.. therefore resulting in the late nite again. i jus found out today that we actually have presentation whole of this week.. meaning everyday formal!! *horror horror* i am worried that i might fall AGAIN in that pair of leather shoe. its giving me hell..

6 presentations this week. woohoo! is shiok de lo.

now playing: 梁静茹 - 纯真

have been viewing the gallery of karllong yesterday and was fascinated by the effects polaroid cameras can give. i am so tempted to get one myself too! but wells.. dun have the $, dun have the time. anw, singapore doesnt have that much of things to take too.. the pics are nice cos of the images on it!

anw, this pic featured here.. its a simple one with no nice effects. nothing at all. jus a simple plain pic. but in it. theres some people sitting together admiring the fireworks.. some thing that i likes too! and how nice is it that u can enjoy things you like with some good friends ard you? something that i dun really get to do often but i think its ok too.. being alone is not so bad either la. better than having some "frens" ard you but mentally they are not there, or they are jus going for the sake of going or what so ever reasons.

back to the main track - shd i get that polaroid cam?

******

ten more days in sch where i can still mix with everyone as a class, where we can still hang out THAT often. everything is ending jus too soon!! its not really the school that i miss la.. to be exact, its the people that makes everything wonderful. dunno how this 3 years would be if not for these people that i meet.

i agree, not every meeting brings happiness. but even with those people i dun like, i learn something from them too! so i am thankful that once in my life, i meet them too.

hitsu says, its the reality in life that people come and go. friends we have right now, will leave eventually too. 所谓天下无不散之宴席. but still.. the thought that we are not meeting that more often anymore.. we are all heading to diff paths.. all the facts makes me very sad.

how easy is it for you to find someone that u can consider them as your good friend? it was never easy. never ever. but still thru out this 3 years, i do. i would not say that i am their best friend, but what i know is that they are mine, and thats enough. i know that i can rely on them when i feel troubled, when i have joys, when i need some one. it doesnt matter if they always find you or not. but the fact that they are willing to be there for me is enough to make me happy.

i know, that we will definatly be unable to meet up that often.. but we will all still meet up rite? maybe by then, 曾经失去过得我们,才会更珍惜.

tEr says: now i will cherish what i have.. as much as i can.. and certaintly amongst so many things.. i am going to cherish all my friends.. fate bought all of us together and we became good friends.. friends that will forgive and forget..

KA says: fate made our path interwine and we all meet and become friends... it will definitely be something nice to think about when i am old... what great friends I had...

ChUa says: and i'm sure they will be ard to carry my coffin when i die.
at least i hope some will.

Hao says: Friends or foes (hopefully not!) in nanyang polytechnic that i've made, i think it is time we forgive and forget. Let it be a lesson that have changed you.

and KK says: i am happy we all cherish each other!

KK = Flop

haha! as expected. didnt pass napfa.. but i break the zero record for chin up! i got do ONE ok!!! haha.. Broad jump as usual fail. i dun even bother to jump the second time.. cos i noe i sure cant make it de.. the run is another killer.. but i am proud that i completed the whole 2.4!!! KA that flop didnt finish! haha...

after that was bball with the gang.. actually i jus 客串 for like 15 min? i am really a flop in bball lo! i actually passed the ball to my oponents.. -_-" dinner is at the zi cha outside school.. and so the day ends with sores and pains all over.. i must start to train up!!!

*****

right now on kam's msn nick:

its easy for pple to spot ur not-so-frequent mistakes and remember how disappointed they are with u, but they fail to recall how much you've helped them go thru all their adversities.

good arent it? i think it speaks of alot people's feelings right now la.. but definately not mine! =P

DAMMIT!!!

I better go and watch happy birthday fast before anyone else reveals more of the details to me!!! Please all spoilers dun let me noe the details!! i wanna enjoy the show!!!

quotes: from DTF

难道，
幸福得放弃些什么，才可拥有？？
快乐得学会些什么，才会开心？？

F A I L

it suck to know that you are going to fail in something you are going to do. and whats worse? you still have to do it no matter what.


and i am talking about the napfa test tmr!!!

sians. pull up fail, 2.4 fail, broad jump fail!

some things cant be forced.. i will hand it to the government to help me pass them in the future.. hohoho!

12 more days to...

Hao and ChUa has a daily updated count down at their nick for the days we have left at nyp.

its kind of a mixed feeling yea.. 3 years here in the campus going thru one of the phrase of my life that is supposedly to be the most wonderful one. i shant say that i have not enjoyed at all.. therefore theres a mixed feelings of love and hate here la..

well, every coin has it's two sides. theres happiness, then theres bound to be things that u dislike, am unhappy about. thats life! gotta live with it!

cherish the last 12 days yea! too many things is happening and i cant control all of them.. jus hope that every thing will turn out well!