i so feel i am a bad friend.

i weren't there when you needed a friend to be there for you.

and i didn't know wads happening to you.

being busy with tep is not a good excuse and i am not going to use it.

if you need someone to talk to tell me k?

last night went to watch FD3 with jieying, peisin, fishball, miss chia, cindy and ben. felt this is a bad show.. not really scary.. just very gross with the way people dies.. imagine suntanning and got burnt to death? buying fast food at the drive thru and get crashed? got nailed into ur head while u were working?

about scary and disturbing.. luckily we went in without eating... =p

yh is sick. plus other factors he didnt went with us to the movie. jess and lixiang didnt go too.. so.. fewer people went.. not like that time k so happening.. haha.. anw, after that we went to the arcade there to play for a while.. =)

had lotsa fun.. had lotsa bonding this two days.. the night before, also went supper with yh and fishball. was already home and sleeping when dear mr lim calls and ask me to go out for supper.. and i went lor.. cos spending time togethr isnt a bad idea after all.. especially its someone whom doesnt have communication prob with u.. we had chicken rice.. tau huay.. grass jelly.. and then we make our way home.. really just a few hours but enjoyed alot.. the feeling of out in the night is very different.. so.. maybe there will be more to come? but i hope that my financial status can allow me to do so ba.. otherwise.. i might even have problems for proper means in the future..

woots~! my msc days ended.. my fs days starting.. i dunno wad attitude and feelings i should have towards this new stop.. there will be new people.. and i need more time to noe them.. luckily dise and shaune is there too otherwise cant survive.. haha.. to dependent on my friends!

today i jus came to fs sign in only.. then i went down to handover finance to the new batch and then stayed there for the rest of the day.. hmm how shd i say.. maybe i am already used to msc environment? haha.. i misses the people.. seeing the familiar faces makes me so excited.. when i saw cheryl and jess we 3 so elated.. lol.. then after that cindy come also.. haha..

i think since i came to IM.. some ones i noe here changed me quite a lot.. having them as my friend made it easier for me to forget some "unhappy friends" that made me sad for quite some time.. well.. from them i also learnt that i should take things easier and i really feel that i am fortunate to have met them. for they have pampered me so much as a friend.. they will help me when some1 tried to bully me too! haha although i noe this sounded quite childish but thats how i really treasures these friends. lifes wouldnt be better if i have not met them. abit paiseh to mention names but they are: yh, J, Fishball, Icecream, JYz, PS, xiao yao jing, cDy, bONey. jus wanna say u guys really made my day!

also made great friends thru involvement of events and festive.. people like christine, christina, angelia and so on..

so.. i hope the new stop would be ok too! but i will definately miss IM days.. those tough and happy days where we are one!

yest is the last day at IM.. so she bu de.. had a farewell at the new IM.. MSC Bazaar.. where we ate and talked.. then after that helped out at the cheers stocktake.. went home at 11.. i think in my msc days its the time where i go home from school latest.. haa.. but its enjoyable cos we all worked together.. so.. anyway its still in school so i can still drop by often... no need to feel sad!

has there ever been enough communication?

i don't know.. i don't even noe how to react to the situation now...

was reading a dj's blog when i saw this:

"The question is: How to make a hardened heart...tender again?"

"Love is just that powerful yar? Love conquers all. But how many days...do we spend loving? We are so caught up with work...our own satisfaction...our own pleasures....our own possessions..."

meaningful huh.. so true yet so sad.. cos it shows we care too little for loved ones.. be it friends or everything.

time is scary.

within 6 months, i lost two of my best fren in school.

i never tot i would lose them. not once in the times we were together.

i saw this phrase sometimes ago. it says: time brought us together. it is also time which tores us apart. will the time bring us back?

i always tot.. time would only bring people closer.. will it tear us apart?

dun think so.. i seldom had problems with time.. like my old time buddy, gary, even thou now he has moved away from me and we are no longer in same class.. we still find time to be together.. and thats how i maintain our friendship..

i dunno about what others thinks.. but thats practically how i treat those friends that i cherishes.. for those that i have used to but now no longer do so, maybe there is some conflicts. but if u think that i am still worth to be ur friends why must i be the one to take initiatives?

have been taking initiatives. sometimes even wondering if i have did too much. fishball says that i am the kind of friend that get friendships moving.. but sometimes i feel i rather be those that is being moved. mayb i expected too much reciprocation and when i dun get it, i feel neglected. maybe thats also the reason why we fell out.

maybe one day, all would be back together.

omg. see this old torn evelope?


wondering wad can be inside when i saw this!


omfg.
wonder how mabel found this but it is so amazing to see these fotos after so long. haha. i has almost forgot when these fotos are taken and it took me alot of time to recall.. lol..

time does flies.. its been ten years since the foto is taken.. sigh.. i have also aged.. haha!

next station: FSRC

sian. this 3 stops didnt get into wad i want AT ALL!!!!!

knnb.

anyone got into the filming stopover wanna change with me?

had been thinking.. in the things i have been doing, had i did my best? how do the others think of it? maybe.. they think i have not been doing a good job..

thats the feeling i have been feeeling since tep started.. dunno why but then maybe i have too little confidence of myself ba..

sigh.

today i saw someone. a used to be super close friend.

well its used to be cos something happened in the middle..

should have say hi but was jus too busy dashing around trying to finish my work.. dunno if i will be misunderstooded as being tao. haha. dunno if he will see this post.. last time he used to always read one.. but now i dunno lor.. haa..

many say i shd take initiatives.. but actually i am quite scared that history repeats itself. that is why till now.. i shuts myself alot from this friend. i dunno if he finds that i am at fault too.. cos this wound is never talked about.. it was kept in the heart.. kept and kept.. till one day i cant stand it and it exploded and we havent been talking since. maybe it should have been talked about since the early stage.. but it was not.. maybe that is why things have turned to this stage ba.. thats y i told ben and kailing today, i am actually quite scared to go back to classical. cos going back to class means that we will be meeting each other everyday. its not cos i hate u or what.. but its jus sometimes when i think back on the happy and sad times, i feel very sad. cos i dunt noe what has caused things to land to this stage.

will things turn to better? i dont know.. maybe it will.. but i dunt know how much confidence i can give to myself...

helo.. many days never blog properly liao lo.. this new year has been average.. the atmosphere has been getting less.. but i still try to go to some friend's house for visits so that it will have more qi fen.. haha. so far been to layyin, mabel, gary, bethia's house. still got a few more to come but i don't think ther will be any from my poly classmates except lijuan. =)

anw.. january is also the birthday month! hehe. my first present is from herry dear and jessamine.. a nice jacket. first celebration is with mr lee and xueyi and cheewai. and there is also makan with my sec school frens and cutting cake in school with msc peoples... haa.. this year it has been quite eventful.. thou some1 missed out on this occasion and "forgot" to wish me.. i try to console myself by saying maybe they are busy.. dunno lor.. i tot we were very good friends but u all actually forgot this day.. haha.. not that i want presents.. but actually a would be very happy if i am wished "happy birthday" jus a wish will be very good liao.. =) but since its passed then i also ok liao lor..

today is seventh day of chinese new year.. haha

happy birthday to everyone!

cos seventh day is suppose to be ren ri. birthday of everyone. hehe.

C.N.Y.

happy blessed new dog year to all my readers!

hehe.

i hope..

1) my frens will noe wad i am thinking

2) you would know wad i am thinking

3) can get wad i wants

4) everyone would be happy...

new year new aspirations.

been to several relatives places and some friend's place. its been fun and wonderful time spent. no doubt cny will still be the fav occasion i always like.

u knew about it.. but u still didnt come.. not even the next day.. the next.. the next.. or the day after..

i cant describe my disappointment.

maybe i am not some one significant enough to be named "ur friend". dun even bother about having me being in "ur team".

jus let it go. be contented and dun ask for too much.

4 more day.

should i look forward to it?

dun think so.. the atmosphere is not there..

sigh.. today was too hungry and went on lunch abit earlier and came back a bit late cos south canteen is too far.. and then miss chia found out.. second time liao and i am so worried its gonna affect my grades. hope it will not please please!! please pity 2 hungry man.. we are just desperately hungry...

sigh. sometimes jus feel like a loser.. be it with friendship.. studies.. anything..

may not be always.. but quite often..

studies wise.. its wad i need to do right now but sometimes just cant seems to get it done right.

friends.. sigh.. i dunno y.. i think i am losing alot of them... mybe sometimes its due to some small small incident.. but i dunno y.. it jus makes me feel like u all are not taking me as a fren at all.. issit cos i am too sensitive? or am i too petty? or its just plainly.. i am just asking too much from them.. as a fren..

ms cai is quite right.. people changes.. maybe its just me who cant take the fact ba.. ggrrhh.. noe i shd get over it for more important things in my life.. but they are just too dear to me.. friends are not easy to make.. and they were once my very dear buddy... y??? y must it b "once"?

***

been raining since last sat.. almost like whole day rain.. for sat and sun its really whole day like it has never rained before... then monday finally got a bit sunlight to make myself less mouldy.. but its gone by noon.. and after that the pouring continues.. yest and today is slightly better.. got sunlight here and there.. but right now its pouring like dunno wad outside da window~! (11-1-06 2250hrs)

O.M.G.

i can'e believe what i have heard. is singaporeans too fcuking fortunate and safe or what?

"so troublesome"

"waste my time"

reportedly what some people said when there is and emergency excercise this morn.

how do you know when there will be a bonb or what? still say government didn't warn and make the people prepared.. hello you noe wad is an EMERGENCY not? if can prepare then its not emergency liao lor! its a good chance to see if you are prepared for this kind of situation or not and all you say is this? and some even says it shouldn't be conducted at the morning when people is rushing.

excuse me, u think terrorist stupid one ar? of cos they will choose the peak period when there is alot of people rite? please use some COMMON SENSE... or borrow from someone common if you think you are too extraordinary to have... wahlau! i can't believe this is the kind of attitude some singaporeans have!!

maybe its high time singapore tries to enhance the social studies or what ever subjects that teaches people this moral... otherwise one day maybe there is a real bomb and the siren is sounded at the bus interchange, u will still hear some stupid fools complaining how troublesome it is.. luckily i am not there.. otherwise i going to say yong hui's favourite phrase.. "you want me slap you ar?"

****

anw.. this two days has been super hibernating period! luckily its weekend.. has been raining nonstop since last evening (sat).. now then jus stop for a while.. i think i spent about 70% of my time to day on my comfy bed in the blanket. and 60% of that 70% i am sleeping.. whoo~ long time hasnt had such good life liao.. rain rain i love you.. muahaha.. but tml is going to be bad lor cos nyp being the "low land" area is definately going to have many flooding places.. and IM being at level one inevitably will have some floods here there to at the corridoors.... haha.. play with water!

FIVE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2005
-I bought my phone (Yay! Dream fone yea!)
-I entered ARDC, I made fab friends.

-Plenty plenty of new clothes entered my room.
-Overseas trips
-Learnt some true faces of some people...

FIVE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2005
-I met jerk-like, byatch-like people. In summary, just some bad people.
-I brought my phone (it keeps spoiling.. irritating...)
-etc etc...

---(and in comparison, my good overrode my bad. So my year didn't go as bad as I thought yea.)

***

anw.. the past weekend was a great one! sat was NYE and I was at my cousin's house in the evening for some event that is organised by the RC.. the food is kinda nice.. lol... after that in the night I went out for some events with friends for the first time during a holiday! went to meet minzhen, lijuan, weihao and some others at clark quey there.. at first cant make it de.. but since minzhen and juan is going.. I tried to squeeze time.. then played monopoly lor.. me and juan and zhen tag team.. haha.. and we came in second... after that later in the night I meet up with jessica and yong hui to catch the marvelous fire works!! omg.. so fcuking nice... the whole shoreline is lighted by the fireworks can you imagine!!! and its a good 10 min! even better than the ndp ones... then hor we started to wallk walk around... before the 3 of ur headed to my home and ton.. haha.. ate bee hoon soup and we had our fav ribena.. a very bonding session for the 3 of us.. too bad cheryl cant be here... haa.. had a very fun night..

then on sun went to my grandmothers house lor as usual.. but this time while accompanying my grandma for mahjong i won near to $16!!! achievement sia.. haha.. then yest i went to parkway.. the gaint supermarket.. shop for cny mah.. better to start early.. so that there will be more time to prepare.. can u imagine how enthu i am waiting for cny to come i think i can faster go wash the new clothes i got.. and iron then slowly.. if i cramp till last minute i sure die.. haha... at parkway also saw ah loy.. lol.. coincident hor... at the count down i also saw jia chun, a old time secondary school buddy! he has sharp eyes to recognise me in so many people!! haha..