dong dong qiang!

just back home meeting mich at kovan and i was greeted by the chinese new year songs from the loud speakers at the pasar malam.

like omg la its coming already! in less that a month!

time flies...

death.

has been thinking, what if i were to die suddenly one day? like suddenly.

not say i am paranoid becos everyone will eventually die la. but i have just been pondering this thing for a long long time.

have i lived with no regrets? done everything with my max and fullest effort?
what will happen to my parents? friends?

what will people who have been pushing away my request for gatherings feel?
what will people who have been excluding me in gatherings feel?
what will people who do not reply sms and missed calls feel?
what will people who pangseh me feel?
what will people who like me feel?
what will people who hates me feel?

so this is how you think?

u've given up thinkin much abt tryin to meet with frens and all wen it seems it doesnt matter much.

i am so disappointed.

You, you and you.

我不需要，也不惜罕。

Crap.

I've always thought the whole gala dinner thing is a crap. compulsory attendance even though we are still paying. what crap!

back to school.

it feels so much like back to school days, met up with tat, janet, erica over sat AND sun! it has been so long since we met up straight two days, which makes me feels like back to school all the way!

saturday was for janet's 21st! headed to her house after some present hunting in town. jan's family is a lively and fun one! all the relatives are so friendly! we talked to her uncle, cousin, godpa and godma and alot more other members!

next was chilling in town with loads of talks. met up with the trio after the lunch with campmates. camped at burger king (!) before the girls left at ard 6, so me and tat roams around and talked alot. its good to do catching up once in the while.. which is what we have been unable to do since we have all got on to our busier lives..

anw, we have been thinking of a small trip overseas! i am thinking of having it at my birthday week, haha! not a bad choice what. since everything i have planned for the chalet is SCREWED UP cos there is no more chalet available.

If you know me,

but you don't.







If ever...

boo.

how long can someone live with that increasing amount of disappointment before they finally snap?

i don't know, don't ask me.








i am really so sick of communicating.
so sick of putting up a fake front.

突然 好想你.

五月天 - 突然好想你

最怕空气突然安静 最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今 终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲 变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你 带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品

我们 那麽甜 那麽美 那麽相信
那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们 还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过 没有你
却又突然 听到你的消息

who who who?

Who gave it to you?
Who was that person to you?
Who is the person to you?

No matter how significant it was, it's already in the past.

We always find ourselves holding on to things. Sometimes, we hold on to these things for so long, we forget what we were holding on to. It's only when we let go of them, then can we see what we were holding on to.

-quoted potatomusmaximus.

now playing: 我爱的人

我爱的人 不是我的爱人
他心里每一寸 都属于另一个人
他真幸福 幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨 他的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人 他已有了爱人
从他们的眼神 说明了我不可能
每当听见 她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情 永恒的嘲笑声

the full stop came.

all the ceremonies ended today.

the wake, the funeral, the cremation, the ash collecting.

there is really little i can do for my uncle, my cousins and the rest of the family other than helping out here and there and be there for them.

stayed overnight on the last night, to keep zhen zhao company throughout the night so that he wouldnt feel so lonely, and grandma and uncle can have catch some sleep. somehow i felt close to my uncle and cousin again. the talkings, the chats.

sometime ago i still see cousin quite often as uncle would send him to school before we go to camp. but the converstation (if hello can also be counted as conversation) is short as i think we arent "warmed up" yet. but i am really glad that i am here with them.

the night reminded me of the times where mum is helping to take care of zhen zhao and yan xiang when we were still living at the old home, and uncle and aunt would come over with treats like cookies and goodies while picking them home.

i know how zhen zhao is feeling. no, not totally, but i do. it hurts, when he was saying to me that he feels time pass super fast that partiular night. i know i shd say something to him but other than being there with him, i dunno what to say. i am one that is not good with words.

i thought i was holding myself quite well, not letting emotions taking over me thruout the 4 days. but at the last day, before the cortege leaves, the musicians are here and when they started playing the songs, i crumbled. i cant take it. the final moment. its coming to the end, that kind of songs they played..

i have never seen my mum cried so badly before.
i have never seen my grand parents like that before.
i have never seen my uncle like that before.
i have never seen everyone like that before..

i think aunt is happy.. so many of the relatives came to send her off.. and she is not no longer in pain. and i hope that uncle and cousin will live strongly from now on.

...

jiu mu passed away yesterday afternoon, while i am in camp and its a duty day so i cant book out only till today.

thou we're all prepared, the news still kind of shook me when it came, as we just went over to visit her on sunday..

angela's quotes #1

口味，因人而异，那么难迎合，却又总想去迎合。
到头来还不是一场空？

如果...?

像开始时那样
握着手就算天快亮?



(now playing 戴佩妮 - 怎样)

Of dust and heat.

yea.. back to camp for two days. think i have been to used to civilian life. missing my naps and late mornings man!

the uniform is making me feel so warm, the dust in guardroom makes me sneeze non stop, all the mundane stuff making me so sianz at all times..

35days of civilian life! i almost thought i ord-ed!

back to reality.

Rifle, buddy, me.

was talking to Alan and the conversation sort of ended with this line..

brought back lots of memories of b/m/t! he used to be one of the "lead singer" of the platoon and the timer as well.. and this is one of the favorite song we will always sing!

i'm glad that this few of us are still keeping contact.. even though its just through msn or facebook..

Events - outings.

quite eventful these few days! met up with Eugene on Thurs- he's on half day so i went over to raffles city to meet him for lunch and chill. I wanna say thanks bro for spending the whole afternoon with me and listen to my rants of my miserable life. it really helped alot. =D

coincidentally, agnes and gang was also at raffles city for lunch! haha. chatted with them for a while while waiting for eugene.. and so i arranged lunch with agnes the next day! haha.. certainly misses those working days with them.. unlike now where i feel so wasted and my brain cells all wasting away.

yesterday was at sofian's for hari raya! first time joining them as i didnt go for last year's. the food is great and so is the company! love the fried potatoes loads. hohoh. jielun finally turned up after so long. haha. headed to town for some walk walk afterwards with jielun and junwei.

L to R:Junwei, Leon, Han, Chin, Sofian, Jielun, JB, Me.

Saved.

i nearly thought i will die last night. thanks herry for talking to me on the phone, keeping me calm. that few moments really saved me, even though there were times the both of us only kept quiet..

Swatch.

I freaking like this watch!! tried it already.. nice.. but its too ex.. =(

FED UP.

I is freaking fed up! that brainless freak. you think you just want to go ahead and plan things your way? by all means please go ahead. its not me who is going to suffer. its your people! i have done my due part by informing you wayyy before time.

Its out.

The report is out. I would say it is rather f-up la. Sounding like you guys have no fault at all huh s/a/f?

Actually, i aren't even waiting for it, cos i know that they are going to come out with this kind of report. One that seems rather like them shrieking responsibilities.

I dunno what to say la.. Those that has been in service before would know what the actual system is like.. Who really cared about us unless ourselves? Talk about "care for soldiers"...

Causes of death 2 NSmen who died during training revealed
By Margaret Perry, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 22 October 2008 0043 hrs


SINGAPORE: The causes of death of two servicemen who died during training in June this year were revealed in Parliament on Tuesday.

Second Lieutenant Clifton Lam Jia Hao collapsed and died during a jungle training exercise in Brunei.

An inquiry found he died from heatstroke.

Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean told the House that Second Lieutenant Lam was given four litres of water and purification tablets.

But the Board established that he may not have hydrated himself adequately during the training exercise.

Mr Teo said neither case could have been detected through medical screening and no safety breach, foul play or negligence were found on the part of personnel.

The Defence Minister said despite the best efforts to reduce risks in training, it is not possible to guarantee no deaths or injuries.

He said: "Nevertheless, I can assure this House that the SAF will continue to do its best to look after our servicemen and servicewomen in terms of medical screening, proper training systems, training safety procedures, and medical coverage during training activities. They are after all our sons and our daughters and every life is precious to us." - CNA/vm

you're selfish. you're damn selfish. i will hate you forever in this aspect.

who are you to say i am the selfish one when you are actually the one?

To eugene.

i dunno.. was wondering what will happen if gene did not prompt me on msn yesterday to talk to me.. i had been looking at hp but dunno who i can call to just talk to.. to rant out the things in me..

thanks to him alot.. really bro..

on the non stop disputes.

in hokkien we call it 相欠债。

你不知道。

倘若说放一次手 就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

quoted: 折翼天使

有些东西失去了就失去了，找不回来了，就算找回来了也没啥意义。

Deja Vu.

Grandaunt passed away this morning.

It came as quite a shock for all of us.. Gu Gu and cousin just went to visit her at the home last sunday and said that she look quite good. Had put on some weight too.

Haven't seen her for a few years. She has dementia so she can't recognize us too. The last time we went to her house before she was at the home, she wouldn't let anyone into her room.

2008 is not a good year, i think. aunt's cancer had a relapse and things are not doing good for her. I hope she recovers soon.

I ain't.

no, i'm not running away from probs when they arises. i am not a weakling that only knows how to run away. i am not childish.

i am just letting of some steam on this holy ground.

i just need an outlet. and since no one is listening, this is the best place. =)

its not that home is not the warmest place anymore, i would just say- 家家有本难念的经。

I'm only human.

and she forgets- I aren't saint.

Plunging to the lowest point.

i am feeling damn fucked. i am being flared at for no reason, things that aren't even my fault.

is being 21 too old to run away from home? if its not, I'm going to do it right now.

MC day 18.

i pre-ordered jay's new album yesterday! woohoo-! nearly missed it. luckily jielun reminded me. anw, he's on att c too. eye infection. and also chunlin, who will be on att c till the 12th. oh no!!! everyone get well soon ook!!!

the rp peeps came over last night. havent seen them for like so long.. so its nice to see them again. ha! thanks guys! no pics. i dunno y. maybe we are too used to having no image capturing devices. lol..

MC day 17.

if you can't do what you expects me to do, then don't fucking want me to do it. you're pissing me off very much.

MC day 15.

staying home for so long kind of made me lost track of the days passing by. now i cant really remember which day it is of the week that i am on.. have to check hand phone to make sure.. haha.. is that a good sign? '~'

anw, i realised my face is in much better condition. just a 15 days absence from camp- can you imagine how filthy that place is? those pillows that i am sleeping on.. =X

oh yea, rena, dise and jerry came over yesterday. good hearty chat. and makan session at hawker downstairs. its been so long since we all sat down and have a proper chat! haha.. =) from the chat i also got to know that jerry is actually csm at raven coy! haha.. didn't know he's also a regular.. and of cos, the gossips of those people who used to be so around us.. lol..

in the dumps.

一直在想啊，一个人到底要多长时间才能走出低潮期呢？

为什么我花了那么长的时间却还是困在其中？
不解。

Open book.

I think I am too much of a "open book" to everyone.. my face speaks too much of what I am thinking..

MC day 11.

freak. another ns man passed away during training. why is there so many of such cases this year? i cant help but feel alot. maybe its cos i am also in service.. maybe its becos...

*****

oh yea while i am napping this afternoon, my hp rang a few times with a few smses for me.

hey promoted liao. no more private. now lcp!

surprised. not sure of what happened, so i smsed back to ask. appearantly we are promoted due to so called "good performance", no more private till ord due to failing ippt! haha. but well, i still hope to pass it at least once before i ord.. =)

The past.

i would sometimes long to see you all on the streets that i am walking,
but yet afraid or lost if i would bump into you.

i tried to think if everything was caused by me.
but im sorry. i guess it is not totally my fault.

i hope everything would go back to normal soon.
but i also have less expectation.
and even if we talk again,
im sorry, things would not be the same again...

MC day 10.

my feed reader seems to be fixed. i hope. haha. read the last few posts of blinkymummy and saw that she revealed the face of her partner - mr "good fren"! haha. his debut appearance with full face. some of the readers so cute, commented that good fren finally has eyes! cos she always mosaic his eyes to protect identity. lol..

anw, i went to remove the stitches yesterday. paid $0 woohoo-! serving ns is not that bad afterall. haha. michelle and vic came over and pei me mahjong last night too.. second time coming over since the op and also volunteered to pei me. iam so touched. =D

*****

dickson's first book out over the weekend! after the two weeks confinement.. haha.. makes me thought of my own one just one year ago.. fond memories.. LOL!

*****

mum made some dumplings. yummy!

MC day 8.

its the F1 race yesterday! too bad im home bound. cant go over to town area to at least hear the vroom vroom go pass me. haha.

anw, here's some pics from angie! took it the other day when they visited me in the hospital. haha. relatives and friends have also came down to visit me over the past few days. so paiseh everyone have to make the trip down hehe. i will take care and be more healthy again!



angie's not in it. i'll have to wait for the photos from herry! haa..


from sis's cam..



drip drip drip.. survived on only this for two whole days 48 hrs without food and drink hor! haha!

the wound, just above my waist. its pain de ok so now stop speculating if i am faking. ha!

爱情小品 #2

Quoted from Mary.

蜻蜓的故事

在一个非常宁静而美丽的小城，有一对非常恩爱的恋人，他们每天都去海边看日出，晚上去海边送夕阳，每个见过他们的人都向他们投来羡慕的目光。

可是有一天，在一场车祸中，女孩不幸受了重伤，她静静地躺在医院的病床上，几天几夜都没有醒过来。白天，男孩就守在床前不停地呼唤毫无知觉的恋人；晚上，他就跑到小城的教堂里向上帝祷告，他已经哭干了眼泪。

一个月过去了，女孩仍然昏睡着，而男孩早已憔悴不堪了，但他仍苦苦地支撑着。终于有一天，上帝被这个痴情的男孩感动了。于是他决定给这个执着的男孩一个例外。上帝问他：“你愿意用自己的生命作为交换吗？”男孩毫不犹豫地回答：“我愿意！”上帝说：“那好吧，我可以让你的恋人很快醒过来，但你要答应化作三年的蜻蜓，你愿意吗？”男孩听了，还是坚定地回答道：“我愿意！”

天亮了，男孩已经变成了一只漂亮的蜻蜓，他告别了上帝便匆匆地飞到了医院。女孩真的醒了，而且她还在跟身旁的一位医生交谈着什么，可惜他听不到。

几天后，女孩便康复出院了，但是她并不快乐。她四处打听着男孩的下落，但没有人知道男孩究竟去了哪里。女孩整天不停地寻找着，然而早已化身成蜻蜓的男孩却无时无刻不围绕在她身边，只是他不会呼喊，不会拥抱，他只能默默地承受着她的视而不见。夏天过去了，秋天的凉风吹落了树叶，蜻蜓不得不离开这里。于是他最后一次飞落在女孩的肩上。他想用自己的翅膀抚摸她的脸，用细小的嘴来亲吻她的额头，然而他弱小的身体还是不足以被她发现。

转眼间，春天来了，蜻蜓迫不及待地飞回来寻找自己的恋人。然而，她那熟悉的身影旁站着一个高大而英俊的男人，那一刹那，蜻蜓几乎快从半空中坠落下来。人们讲起车祸后女孩病得多么的严重，描述着那名男医生有多么的善良、可爱，还描述着他们的爱情有多么的理所当然，当然也描述了女孩已经快乐如从前。

蜻蜓伤心极了，在接下来的几天中，他常常会看到那个男人带着自己的恋人在海边看日出，晚上又在海边看日落，而他自己除了偶尔能停落在她的肩上以外，什么也做不了。

这一年的夏天特别长，蜻蜓每天痛苦地低飞着，他已经没有勇气接近自己昔日的恋人。她和那男人之间的喃喃细语，他和她快乐的笑声，都令他窒息。

第三年的夏天，蜻蜓已不再常常去看望自己的恋人了。她的肩被男医生轻拥着，脸被男医生轻轻地吻着，根本没有时间去留意一只伤心的蜻蜓，更没有心情去怀念过去。

上帝约定的三年期限很快就要到了。就在最后一天，蜻蜓昔日的恋人跟那个男医生举行了婚礼。

蜻蜓悄悄地飞进教堂，落在上帝的肩膀上，他听到下面的恋人对上帝发誓说：我愿意！他看着那个男医生把戒指戴到昔日恋人的手上，然后看着他们甜蜜地亲吻着。蜻蜓流下了伤心的泪水。

上帝叹息着：“你后悔了吗？”蜻蜓擦干了眼泪：“没有！”上帝又带着一丝愉悦说：“那么，明天你就可以变回你自己了。”蜻蜓摇了摇头：“就让我做一辈子蜻蜓吧……”

有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱他。你的肩上有蜻蜓吗？

MC day 5.

pain and discomfort is still there. getting around is still not easy. shit. shouldn't have discharged so early. haha.

it has been raining since last night. the weather has been so good for resting at home.. such good luck i have.. hee..

no need to work still got salary.

york that cb, haha. dun worry i will be back just in time for your ord treat. wakakaka!

yes was away for the past three days for my "holiday" at chalet SGH. admitted due to acute appendicitis. in chinese we call it 割盲肠。 hha. sudden and fast game.

pain in gastric started in late afternoon on sunday after i ate the 3 not so good looking choc muffin left from the previous night. continued all the way till the next morning after i dismount and went to have breakfast with the guys at ADF canteen. couldn't even finish a plate of char kway tiao and i sensed that things were not good but just didnt expect it to be this bad!

head home and took a nap but woke up after only about 1 hour. not usual at all for me! woken up by the pain actually. headed to the gp which refered me to a&e straight away. haha.

things moved on super fast from then. admitted on monday night straight away and the op is on 4am of tuesday. woken up by the pain at 5.45am again and i thought i woke up in the middle of the op-silly me! haha.

and so i am home today. i wanna say thanks to the doc who did a good job. the scar dun look ugly at all. thanks to the nurses who are very patient with my dressing of wound and constant shoutings of pain. haha. and to the male nurse who managed to carry me out of bed to help me to the toilet so many times thru out the day!! youre the hero who saved me! haha.

one month mc. bless me. i will have a good rest and recuperate. hehe. =)

quoted: supergirl

i duno if its a good thing when colleagues become ur only frens.

quoted: [anch]

Everything's gone.

why am i keep having this feeling like i am begging you all for a meet up?
why am i like begging people whom i have not seen for a long time just for a gathering?

reply a sms got so difficult not?
calling back a missed call is so hard is it?

that thing called "friendship" is just so not mutual. freaking hell, this feels like shit.






and guess what? its not the first time this kind of things have been happening to me.. i am just so fucked up lor..

On this day.

365 days ago, i step into a new unknown phase of my life. met a platoon of people from a thousand different backgrounds and lived with them together for 3 months.

don the green uniform, learnt how to fold smart four from anwar who slept on my right, learnt how to tie my boot lace from alan, and how to forget, my bunk buddy, azhar! whom we have partnered for the trainings too.. =)

the re-re-re sitest, the marches, grenade throwing, all the shits, RT....

I'm a one year soldier!

met up with geoffery yesterday for the peep's (eugene, azhar, setoh, chin, junwei, alan, kianhao) commission parade at safti. the place's damn ulu can. haha. one small regret is that i did not manage to locate my bunk buddy, azhar. didnt manage to take a photo with him in his no. 1. =(

xiangming was there too to support his friend. and i also saw jingyao and angelayuen there. small world it is..

we've all come a long way. one more year to go and we will be heading back to civillian life!

*****

was talking to daren on msn. both of us concluded that its a happy and sad at the same moment thing. half way through already at last. but at the same time we're also nearer to ord. what are we going to do next? the future seem smoky and unclear. he said his results are a sandstorm, i told him mine arent that good either. hai.. one more year to think of what we are going to do!

学习放下

我怀念的



可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解 是怕 真相太赤裸裸
但被逼失去难受


谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了　所以呢　没有哭　没有痛

Madness!

just total madness! i have just finished the two 4 yolk mooncake that cousin gave me just 3 days ago! *gasps* and its not even near to mooncake fest yet! still two days away. wahaha. i've got 2 more boxes with cousin as i have still not collected it from her. woohoo-!

*****


just home not long ago, from the acer carnival. everyone was given half day off for it and we all went to bishan park. the ground was extremely muddy from the morning's rain la and our shoes all gone. haha. luckily i was wearing slippers! but well, shd have worn the saf sandles, that would be easier to wash!

quite fun, walking around playing the games, winning the toys, having some light snacks. reminds me that i have actually not been to a carnival for many years. but well, at least i went to one today, and its still not too late to go for more right? haha.

anyway, we forgot to take photos today! tze wei bought camera and we were all having so much fun that we actually forgot to take any pictures. haha!

*****


suddenly i thought of this song. had definately posted it here before, but i just felt like listening to it right now.


张智成 - 很想你

of the past.

i want to go for night cycling again.
i want to go ubin as i have not been there before.

but the peeps who say they're going to do it with me arent here anymore. they have proceeded on so much with their life while i am still the pathetic soul stuck in the old memories of the past, abandoned. or rather, i abandoned myself.

不会. 不懂. 不痛.

从以前到现在，我一直不断地认为这个人是个!@#$%^&*(.... some one i hated that much.

但是，他却还能和他们老友鬼鬼，而我却成了无关痛痒的旁观者。and i am supposed to have known them for a longer time..

或许，真正的!@#$%^&*( 是我才对...

爱情小品

Quoted from Mary.

爱，不需要让你知道

寒冷的二月，山中茫茫的雪中，一男一女艰难的移动着，他们都是户外运动的爱好者，相约进山看雪，途中意外碰到暴风雪，迷了路。

女人很喜欢男人，他们之间没有表白过，因为之前，女人仅仅是从男人的眼神中，捕捉到喜欢的信息，但是不确定。他们两个都是骄傲而怕受伤的人，因为不确定，所以不表白。

大雪中，他们手拉着手，说着鼓励的话，在齐膝的雪中艰难的前进，不停的走着，常常走不了几步就会摔交，衣服已经湿透了，被冷风一吹，两个人都嘴唇青紫。体 力消耗很大，但女人仍然边走边笑，男人看着女人，轻松不少。尽管都在微笑，但是他们知道，死神正一步步向他们逼近。已经三天了，周围仍然是一望无际的雪 地，体力已经透支，最糟糕的是，食物也越来越少了。

为了生存，他们把所有的食物都集中到了女人的背包里，由女人好好规划，控制每天的食量，以应付最糟糕的情形。更不幸的事情发生了，由于雪太深，在路过一片 树林时，女人掉进雪洞里扭伤了脚，整个腿肿了起来，每走一步都要忍住巨痛。男人已经极度疲惫了，没可能背上女人前进，而且，女人也拒绝男人背她，她很清 楚，这样的话，他们会一起死在山上。

斟酌再三，只能由男人独自前行，找到出山的路，寻求救援。男人为女人支好了帐篷，安顿好。他们整理了彼此的背包，女人告诉男人“还剩下八块压缩饼 干，咱们一人四块“，随后说“你出去帮我烧点水好吗？“男人烧好水送进帐篷来，女人说饼干分好了，装在两个包的头包里，男人摸了摸两个背包的头包，凭感 觉，的确是一样多。他拉着女人的手，说“等着我，我马上回来”。

直到这时，他们仍然没有向对方表达自己的爱恋，他们都是理智的人，这种情况下，可能一分手就是永别，如果表白之日就是永别之日，未免太过残忍。

男人根本不知道自己能不能走出去，如果，他们中只有一人能生存，那何必让对方用一生的时间，去忘记一个逝去的爱人呢？记得一个普通的朋友就足够了。女人无限依恋的看着男人“我等你，我知道你能走出去。”男人站起身，替女人盖好睡袋，转身。

每走一段路，男人都做下记号，他一心想着找到救援，回去接女人，饿了，啃一口饼干，渴了，吃两口雪。男人的速度越来越慢，他提醒自己，不能停，只要停下就意味着死亡，那女人也就没救了，他努力坚持，他告诉自己，一定要出去。

终于，男人耗尽了最后一丝气力，倒下，失去知觉前，他想，女人的食物还够吗？还能撑住吗？醒来，男人发现自己躺在救援队的帐篷里，朋友发现他们没有按时出山，救援队已经进山搜救很久了。

其实救援队一开始并没有发现男人，他们先找到女人的帐篷，然后顺着男人留下的记号，找到几乎冻僵奄奄一息的男人。男人的体温渐渐恢复，他问“她 呢”，大家不语，他突然发现，救援队的成员眼角都隐隐有着泪光。男人一呆，“告诉我，她呢”，挣扎着要出去找她。救援队长用颤抖的声音说“别找了，她不在 了，我们发现她的时候，已经去了，可能是出去融雪烧水，没力气回到帐篷，冻死了”……

三年后，男人结婚了，是一个和女人一样喜欢户外运动、喜欢笑的可爱女孩。女人走后，这个女孩陪男人走过了最难受的日子，男人逐渐快乐起来，有了感情，两人走到了一起，有时，他们也会一起怀念惋惜女人的逝去，也更珍惜现在的感情。当年的救援队长参加了他的婚礼。

婚礼后，队长来到女人的墓地，女人在照片上，笑容依旧美丽。队长对女人说“你放心吧，他结婚了，很幸福“。队长流泪了，其实，当年，队长说谎了。女人不是冻死的，救援队发现她的时候，她好好的躺在帐篷里，睡袋盖的很好，男人替她盖好的，她舍不得动。

女人是饿死的，打开她的头包，只有几块平平的石板，没有什么压缩饼干，剩下的压缩饼干，不是八块，只有四块而已。女人，把剩下的所有食物，都留给了 男人，她真的，很爱他。队长发现女人的时候，她早已经僵硬的手中紧紧攥着一张小纸条：“我肯定撑不到他回来了，别告诉他，他该有自己的生活。”

Stabbed.

falling into that fucking drain is one thing. that kind of expression that she shows on her face is another thing.


wished my leg was broken or something.

Cya soon!

Cya soon! or so we always say to people. but are we really doing it? i think its a phrase that is seriously over used.. if you really wanna see them soon then do it, don't leave any regrets..

Goodbye Beijing, Hello London.

Closing of the Olympics last night! after so many days.. of catching the respective matches on the tv its coming to an end. actually, this is kind of a bonding session for my family. didn't know father knew quite a bit about volleyball and table tennis matches yo!

caught the closing on channel 5 in camp last night. i have to say, mediacorp is one of the worse broadcaster! ads like every now and then causing us to miss alot of the performances! luckily we have channel 601-606 on cable. woohoo-!

anw, here's one of the song for Beijing2008-



shall save the lyrics as its too long! to get it watch the video.

=)

Latest: Its a Silver!

ahhhhahhharrggahh!!!!

WE GOT A MEDAL!!!! WE GOT A MEDAL!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!


SO EXCITED JUST NOW WATCHING THE MATCH LIVE!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!

two-wheeled love.

and how i miss those days too angiee. =)

Focus.

I wasted my one day leave at home!! =(

massive headache that has been going on for days and it just got worse today. these nothing i can do except lying around doing like NOTHING!

freak. why does this kind of things always happen on my leave or off days!?

43.

a happy 43rd Singapore!! love you much much. muacks. haha.

a busy and packed day! met up with mabel for the parade and its followed by boon's birthday and then chia's. too many programmes packed in a evening!! hah. almost couldn't reach in time.

once again, luck is with us as we got great seats again! sat just behind the ministers so the view is great.

the fireworks and black knights are the highlights of the parade, also trying hard to spot cousin at one of the performance! but was not able too. maybe i'll go home and check out the encore telecast at channel 8.

walked to raffles mrt with mabel after the parade and took train down to meet sally before cabbing to boon's party. haven't see sally for quite some time already and she had a new hairstyle!

Luckily, we reached the chalet in time to be the last group for the photo taking. i was quite worried that we might have missed it. haha. friends of 17 years, of course i wouldn't want to disappoint boon laa.. hope he likes the presents and everything.

shortly after that, rushed over to chia's birthday! practically ran over there! sweaty all over, even worse than IPPT! ha! sang bdae song and played like crazy, with help of some cream and coke lime.

some how i think its quite interesting to have this kind of gatherings for us who are serving.. most of the time we see each other only in uniforms la and suddenly when all of us are in civi, i am so not used to it! bleahx.

the night continues with mahjong at my place, with jianji, jamie and raymond. and i won 1 buck!! woohoo0-!

08.08.08

and so...

Beijing 2008 starts with a bang!!!

so looking forward to it.. those events that i like- I'd definitely try to catch it on tv! this time round v lucky, got SCV, and they're showing all the matches at dedicated channels! with no interruption! woohoo-!

watched the opening ceremony. grand i would say, a good job done! maybe its cause the show is about some how Chinese history, which we knows and can relate to. previous Olympics at western countries show their history which we aren't that familiar with, resulting us feeling bored?


their ideas are kind of creative. the way the touch is lite up, some parts of the performance, especially the part on chinese words being invented. and how can we forget bird's nest stadium and water cube! great architecture!


hmm.. i dunno. got a little bit of feeling proud of us chinese finally hosting something this big scale. haha.

如果. 沒有你.

hey 我真的好想你
现在窗外面又开始下着雨
眼睛干干的有想哭的心情
不知道你现在到底在哪里

hey 我真的好想你
太多的情绪 没适当的表情
最想说的话我应该从何说起
你是否也像我一样在想你

如果没有你
没有过去 我不会有伤心
但是有如果还是要爱你
如果没有你
我在哪里 又有什么可惜
反正一切来不及
反正没有了自已

hey 我真的好想你
不知道你现在到底在哪里
你是否也像我一样在想你



**
heard this song of char's blog. hmm.. always liked karen mok's songs. but this one has bought special attention cos of the recent happenings and the emotions it lets out with the song.. i hope she is doing well..

For myself.

for once. I want to.

yes, i have NEVER lived for myself, almost this whole life, before.


i lived for my family, doing my part as the son, the brother, the grandson, as the good ole ah liang.
i lived for the girl i loved, only to find out that she does not love me after all.
i lived for my friends, only to find them betraying me and leaving me for someone else that they have met.
i never get to study what i really wanted, cos everyone wanted me to study business.

actually, sometimes, i do think that its a vicious cycle. had i insisted on the course that i really wanted to study, i wud not have gotten into what i did.. less meeting those people and causing so much misery..

i cant choose, my family, my life, the people i meet. but i think i should learn how to at least live a life for myself, right?

this post is not to grumble about life and sorts. i dont. no one should. cos i do think that everything is a challenge for us.. just that i used to think that it is so much a burden, now i 释怀 le..

释怀是什么样的感受？或许就是提起过去种种的痛之后，还能微笑说，我走过了。不再有恨与哀怨，只是淡然。为何我们都忘了，一直强迫自己遗忘、忘记，却忘了百般的逃避后，我们终究还是要面对现实中的这一切？　

i just want to put a proper end.. so that i can embark on that new journey to the real me..

Good bods.

on a late night chat with royce.. i think we all became a little hysteria when its late and we are not sleeping !!! haa!!

no more buffets!

Freak. D cohesion dinner we had last wk at the zhen fa seafood made me put on 2 kg! Arrgghh! My jogging nights arent doing any help!! >,<

a (losing) battle.

im fighting a losing battle against life. how long more can i hang on? i dunno.. but i'll try my best..

quotes: ChUa's blog comments.

friends come and go.. true friends always put in effort to keep in touch.. then again, i takes 2 hands to clap.. if we do no put inan equal amount of effort to making something work, it never will.. eventually when we lose it, think, who is it that will regret? it might be time to think about those that you’re neglected, who had always been putting in effort, have you done the same to them to? What if one day you find them missing? would you regret not having cherish them?

一个人“赏花”。

又是一个人去“赏花”.. 难得有这样的机会。。但其实也并不闷，因为在那里遇到了志维！哈！今天的烟火比上星期的更加精彩！

From Tangenghui

看着黑骑士的飞行表演，让我想起了一个人。。一个也喜欢飞翔的感觉的人。。希望他在天上也能快乐的驾驶着他的飞机，自由翱翔。

NE Show 2008

met up with mabel for the once a year event- NDP! was kind of worried as it was raining quite heavily when i am booking out of camp in the morning, thinking its going to be shits if the rain continues till evening. but wells, lucks with us as usual and the weather is great by the time we met at 4!

kind of like this location for ndp too.. the skyline matches greatly with the stage and the fireworks.. think its going to be even better a few years later when more building that is being built now is done!


When we were making our way to our green sector seats, suddenly a Malay man stopped us and asked if we were a couple!? We shook our head and answered very quickly No, thinking that he was trying to interview us or to get us to play some games.

Actually he was asking whether only the two of us were watching the parade coz he had 2 yellow sector tix and 2 green sector tix and he would like to swop tix with us. Haha!!! What a misunderstanding! It reminds me of last year, when Mr Ang and Mrs Mo thought that Mabel, Boon, Sally and I were dating couples, haha!.

Anyway, we were very lucky, the yellow sector is right infront of the main stage! We got a very good view of everything from where we were seated.

We also get a great view of the combined choir, finally back after a one year hiatus! Kept feeling something is missing in its hiatus. haha. and the photos montage shown on the screen in one of the segment is great! the color, the angle, thought both of us thought is kinda propagandaish. haha!


This year, the best segment is the aerial display by the Black Knights! The moves they made were graceful and the stunts heart-stopping! So dangerous! Held our breaths real hard at some parts!

And we caught sight of Zoe and her son, Braydon! They must be there to watch her husband's performance, he is one of the pilots. Zoe is very pretty and her son is so cute! Totally not auntish lor. I will continue to support her. Haha!


Erm.. Fireworks is my fav as usual.. i can't explain it. the special meaning that it holds for me, that i will only be the one who knows it. =(


This time one is not that fanciful.. maybe its cos that its the first NE show.. Hope that it'll be better in the weeks to come and the finale will be a great one!! But no doubt, it still made a climax for the evening!

National Day has kind of not as "re nao" as last time liao.. the kind of publicity it has and such.. i remembered when i was younger, the tv and radio will start to air all the songs and videos for national day! this yr, the theme song is not even out and this is the first time i am listening to it. hai..

But still... Looking forward to the more coming weeks of fireworks! Woohoo!

now playing: 蔡健雅 - 当你离开的时候

我只能低着头发呆
让回忆渗透脑袋
渐渐变空白

我把它当作个意外
但内心还想不开
以为我明白其实你都还在
我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我可以装作已释怀
他对我也算关怀
他看不出来

我知道这样不应该
在他身上找依赖
算不算是种出卖因为你一直在
我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我想起你亲吻我的时候
想起你眼神中的沉默
想起了我们平静的分手我闭上眼
想起当时你每一个承诺
把你整个心都交给我
然而到后来我什么都没有
越是没有你越是心痛
我想起了遇见你的时候
想起你眼中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖
似乎那么害怕失去我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

旁观者。

Clift's departure made me realised alot of things.. things in life..

and so, i decided to ask Jx and Hao out for their birthday. din manage to make it to Hao's bdae cos of duty.. so met up with them for dinner and sorts just to catch up.. Qq came too! thanks for joining..

sometimes.. i think what Ka says is true. i can still talk to them.. i can still go out with them.. despite M* organising all the parties and i cant join as she hates me.. i have taken my initiatives and i will continue to do so.. and i hope this time round it will work out..

even thou i am sometimes just a onlooker..

***

its nice meeting up. havent meet Hao since enlistment! erm, ok, i saw him at tekong medical center once. haha! and Qq is more fit liao! our diver. haha.

im glad that everyone is doing well. =)

Goodbye.

went to send off clifton today. the last goodbye.

it was a emotional moment, and we all cried.

he's at a better place now. =)

家豪，一路走好。

而我已经分不清。

岁月无情，人事已非，
我们已好似擦肩而过的陌路人。

改变? · 疏远?

change. by mothyyku

原来人真的会变
只是所需的时间是长还是短而已

曾经对某些事很执着
随后也会淡然处之

曾经对某些物很重视
随后也会搁置一旁

曾经对某些人很在乎
随后也会形同陌路

珍惜当下
因为 人 真的会变

quoted dasmond koh

a silent scream.

Basketball sunday by ~Youth-Defenestration

walked past the basketball court today while going home.. actually, everyday, when i walk home from the bus stop, i will pass this court. i like to stay there a while to watch the kinds play bball everytime. today, i saw a few boys playing bball there.. nice school life.

then i realise, i never even had close guy friend. i will never get to have this kinda of life, this kind of friendship, i guess.

什么都不.

shouldn't have called him yesterday.

just to feel that our conversations are so distant. like we were just mere acquaintances..


and i was left out again. for a gathering.

no newspaper.

I'm giving the papers a miss for these two days.. life's already a sucky bastard and the news on the disasters are too much heart wrenching for me to read. accidentally saw today's shinmin report on the kids under the rubbles.

上天保佑他们.

now playing: 苏芮 - 是否

是否这次我将真的离开你
是否这次我将不再哭
是否这次我将一去不回头
走向那条漫漫永无止境的路
是否这次我已真的离开你
是否泪水已干不再流
是否应验了我曾说的那句话
情到深处人孤独
多少次的寂寞挣扎在心头
只为挽回我将远去的脚步
多少次我忍住胸口的泪水
只是为了告诉我自己
我不在乎

旅行的意义.

两个人带着各自的烦恼一起逃亡去..

Till we're back 4 days later.. (and that means hiatus from tmr till the thirteenth.)

silent run by toyib

Koizora · 恋空

happy birthday mummy!

happy birthday to mummy dearest!!!

极度愤怒 · 突然感伤

昨天duty时在对阿口转述那个关于我与gang的友情故事的时候, 终于能在愤愤不平中找到一些平静。是终于放下了吗？我希望。

alrite? ok?

to yan, kahying, sushi, mandy who tagged me to show that you cared, i suppose i am alrite. please don't force me to say i am ok as appearantly i arent'.. theres just far too much things happening and its beyond my control.. but i believe soon, i'll be ok. =)

Such Irony.

dun think so much on whether our gang will separate or anot.
treasure now, and as for the future, well… i can’t predict what will happened.

this very someone who said this to me before is saying it to someone else. the reassurance that he gave me last time did not come true: look at what the situation is now.

i am not being nasty or "zek ark" but i wish this person best of luck on this statement. i hope it comes true for you.

Setoh Yifeng.

chatting with Jake Sato on msn.

suddenly, i thought of kfc.

the last time i had it was with him and ah lau one fine saturday when we book out after a re-sitest. an impromptu decision to makan there while we are on the bus back from sft.

think this is the first time we actually had a proper talk since pop. miss those days man.

bluff.

stop bluffing me. stop lying to me. its ok. just let me know the truth.. the truth that is. i am left out.

am i not your friend? had i not done enough? had i not been there for you all?

why am i left out, over and over again?


****

nothing hurts than having your friend lying to you. i don't know.. i'll just...

呐喊

Mabel.

Happy birthday!!!

had a celebration for mabel's "20th birthday", as suppose she is always one year younger than boon. hehee! had steamboat at seoul garden, havent been there for long! at least a few years. they have since also changed the pan they use for steamboat. food is nt bad but its a fun meal for the four of us gathers together again and talk like endleessly. also had a mini cake cutting for her. k followed by the dinner at a new venue which we forgot the name. the place is nice, nicer then k box! but the song system is quite complicated..sound system also soso nia.. maybe we shd stick back to k! ha.

JJ. Xiu.

JJ rox my sox! his live singing is great! woohoo!

went to his performance with mabel last night at suntec. its actually a annual dinner for a particular MLM co. haa! thou had to wait for like 3 hours before he sings, its totally worth it! he sang like more than 10 songs la.. and the seat is so strategic. thanks to mabel for the invitation!

last week also went for xiu's 21st.




happy 21st dear.

周记.

while packing my things some times ago, saw the weekly journal that i used to do with AC. there will be a theme set and i would write some thing. she would in turn write some comments and sharing of opinions on the topic.

霎时发现，原来我还曾经愿意与人分享。

AC says she no longer has time to do it with me anymore, and commented that i still has my blog to do it. but 曾几何时，我的博客已不再是我能抒发我的情绪与意见的地方了。



i miss the times.. where there is a place i can air my emotions.. i can get honest opinions and people really care. i cant even write all in MY blog now. cos people is watching, and they are scrutinising. sadly, it sometimes even became a place where people hate me get information and tag at my board.

friends- i really scared le. those who were there, and said they will be there, arent here anymore. those who are still here, has pretty much a life of their own too. i am really sick of people missing me out in their outings and the only reason they gave is cos some one else doesnt like me is going. i dont know how i should feel. i feel that i sucks. cos despite knowing those peeps for so long.. i am forsaken cos of this kind of reason. my heart felt cold. why do i stop asking people out? stop asking me and say i keep MIAing. ask yourselves. i am tired. and sick, of all these.

and not only that, i am feeling worthless with reasons like my family. when will i ever get over it? i dont think it will ever end.



*****


S.H.E - 天灰




如果你不再出现
我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间
让我们试验什么叫永远

想念变成怀念
心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切
你最后属于谁
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

如果你从没出现
我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间
总要把诺言一点点摧毁

Memories.

was packing my things recently cos moved house.. saw alot of things, some still needed but some not. but why are they still kept? i think i have kept a little far too much "junks"- things that has 太过沉重的记忆与意义。

有些东西往往太过沉重，继续绑在身上也会阻碍前进。但为什么这些东西，却甩不掉又丢不了？

my ex house.

was there yesterday after duty to collect some letters that was still sent to the old add.. they're kind enough to let me in and have a juice.

that is a freaking odd feeling! that was my home.. MY home! and now its someone elses one liao. haha. i dunno how to explain that feeling...

Gong Xi!

yr of rat coming in a few hrs time. Hereby wishing everyone a very prosperous and happy new yr! Gong xi gong xi!

Updated thru Sam's iPhone.

Key - to freedom, and the responsibilities that comes with it.

when my friends got enlisted and their blog literally went 'dead', i secretly told myself that MY blog will definitely not be like theirs. I AM SO VERY WRONG.

life of a ns man is very sian. serious. no bluff. nothing much has been happening la.

*****

anw, birthday last week. twentyfirst, the key to adulthood, more freedom, and of cos- i finally stand a chance to get those perks that the govt is giving! new singapore share, progressive package, gst package. come quick!!

am touched. by the people who made the effort to take time and come down to the small celebration.. am not touched, by the people who did not come but didnt even inform.. but its ok la. i am happy for what i get.

thanks everyone.. for the present, for coming.. to my cousins who came over to help out. for the memory.